In the earlier years of our marriage, neither Greg nor I understood the importance of making a spiritual and emotional connection rather than just a physical one. There were many times that I thought I had married a sex addict and Greg probably thought he had married a frigid prude.

     How did we formulate these opinions? Because by the time I got my clothes and make-up off, my teeth brushed, and climbed under the covers, Greg’s motor was already running. He’d look at me with a hopeful grin and say, “You want to have sex?” For him, the desire to have sex seemed to come out of nowhere, whereas the thought wouldn’t have even crossed my mind. Without the opportunity to warm up to the idea, I responded coldly to the invitation. I would usually reply, “No, just hold me and let’s talk.” Most of those times when he tried to initiate again before going to sleep, I felt irritated or hurt that he didn’t respect my earlier “no.”

     But I noticed there were other times that the idea of giving my body to him became much more appealing as we talked, especially if we prayed together. Greg didn’t have to pray either. Even if I suggested, “Can we pray?” and he responded, “You go ahead,” I found myself feeling closer to Greg as I poured my heart out to God in front of my silent husband. For me, prayer seemed an aphrodisiac of sorts, and the spiritual and emotional connection we made during this time often paved the way for incredible physical connections after the “amen” was said.

     Of course, Greg wasn’t always up to talking and praying at great length every time he desired sex. Maybe your husband has expressed a similar preference -- that he doesn’t want to talk, but rather touch. Perhaps he doesn’t want to pray, he just wants to play. In those times, I’ve found that it helps to combine the two activities--playing and praying.

     For example, as you and your husband come together, you can silently pray, Lord, I may not feel like doing this right now, but I offer sex with my husband as an act of worship before You. As you begin to rub his chest, visualize what’s behind that rugged exterior and pray (sometimes aloud, sometimes silently), Lord, thank you for my husband’s heart. Thank you that he loves me so much, that he finds me attractive, and that he desires to be sexual with me. As you become one in the flesh, silently pray, Lord, thank you that you have knit us together as husband and wife. Help us remain true to our commitments to you and to one another. Strengthen us as a couple and help us to be in one accord.