Shannon’s SCW Blog

posted by Terrica

You asked for it, so here it is: more from current B.L.A.S.T participant, Charissa Steyn.  (I knew you’d love her! )

“Floating heads.” With just two words, this phrase caught me off guard. I could not read any further in the article. My mind began to fill with images of the days when I sat shivering in front of the heater, while a heavy blanket of insecurity covered my inner and outer beauty from me. The mirror revealed my destiny- I had to keep trying. I was still not whole.

I squirmed in my chair as my thoughts took me back to a place when I was desperately seeking fulfillment- in all the wrong places.

It was a place where the groans of an empty stomach were more appetizing than the laughter of a confident heart. I had exchanged the delight of being a vibrant confident woman, for being a” floating head.” Not exactly the bargain I intended to make, nor what I aspired to be in life.

Wholeness. That was a foreign concept to a girl who had become an expert at denial. An eating disorder left me nibbling the crumbs of cake, but even scarier, I was also taking meager servings of life. Damaged, incomplete, and ashamed were words that better described by life at that point.

I was dying slowly… in my body and my soul. The thought of never being able to have children crossed my mind on occasion, but it was not enough motivation to make me want to gain weight. Although my obsession with my body image was sabotaging every relationship in my life I still did not want to be healed.

Even though I knew Jesus, finding my wholeness, as a woman in Him seemed impossible.

The article I was reading this past week titled, “National Obsession,” by Counseling Today, got me thinking about my past. Its contents laid bare the gruesome details and statistics of eating disorders that are now common place in today’s society.  Women are willingly sacrificing their innate beauty for a plastic shell of superficiality.

Perhaps even worse was this- starting in the first grade, young girls were already being awakened to their weight and appearance. Their carefree childhood snatched away amidst the fears of gaining weight and becoming fat.

But the two words in the middle of the article had the most impact on me.

A counselor spoke of how she called her eating disorder clients, “floating heads.” She continued, “They are so disconnected with their own bodies, they don’t even recognize body sensations, and if they do recognize body sensations, they automatically interpret them as ‘something is wrong’.”

A wave of sadness rushed over me.

Floating heads. These two little words tell of how wholeness is being taken from the lives of many women today. One honest young woman wrote the following words to me, in regards to how she perceives herself, “I’m not in a place where I have a healthy self-image at all. There was a time when I did, and I know I will get there at some point again, but God is working hard on me in this area, and Satan is trying even harder.”

The enemy is working overtime to get women to feel empty, half-alive, and clinging to temporary forms of fulfillment. He has the most destructive diet on the market today, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…” It’s a diet that tells women to seek for wholeness outside of Christ, in appearances, exercise, careers, activities, relationship, food…you can fill in the blank.

The promise of Jesus, “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly,” feels like an impossible existence.

The same young woman wrote, “I don’t feel like I could be an example at all…and that is really hard and shameful for me to admit. Actually, this is the first time I’ve admitted it to myself I think.” Unfortunately, she echoes the cries of many other young women who are yearning to have wholeness instead of…

Physical sickness. Relational emptiness. Spiritual dryness. Emotional exhaustion. Sexual insecurity.

Are we ready to admit the truth- that our wholeness comes from Christ alone? We become beautiful women as we shamelessly indulge in the abundant life that God has given us, and confess we are nothing without Him.

I remember when I first had this revelation.  I began leaping up and down my hallway exclaiming, “I am a woman!” Can you imagine how good it felt to be this free?

My declaration demonstrated that I had finally realized the emptiness of trying to find wholeness as a woman in the fleeting fads of the world. I was finally taking big bites of life!

More than just a floating head out of touch with the rest of my body, I became a whole woman- body, soul, and spirit.

Physically strong. Relationally fulfilled. Spiritually alive. Emotionally stable. Sexually confident.

This revelation is worth tasting for yourselves!  It is sweeter than chocolate because it will also melt over into our marriage. Can you remember the last time you consciously took an oversized portion of life? Has it been awhile since you have savored and enjoyed your marriage?

The singing soul and energetic spirit of a woman living her life well, brings more vitality to her marriage than her physical appearance or feeble endeavors to find wholeness ever will.

Instead of taking from our husbands, thinking they can fill what is lacking in our lives, we can come to them as a “complete package” in Christ. We can be a whole woman who confidently gives herself without restraint to her husband- emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Our husbands will be overjoyed to know that we are not ashamed to be a woman, boldly asking for second helpings of the life God has given us. Intimacy with our true love will be revitalized, and furious love making sessions will ensue when we are a whole woman. Besides, this is way more attractive than the national obsession of being a floating head!

Would you characterize yourself as whole, complete, and fulfilled in Christ? Or do you need to admit that you are far from this reality?

Are you taking meager servings of life- do you need God to take you off this dangerous diet so that you can celebrate your womanhood and savor your marriage?

posted by Terrica

Couples who smooch just for the heck of it

have 8 times less stress and depression than those who pucker up

only when they have sex.

-Berman Center Study

Sooo…what more is there to say people???  Get to kissin’ already!

Occasionally, based on reader response, it becomes crystal clear what our next Hot Tip should be. This is definitely one of those times…

Our past two Hot Tips have included encouragements to the women to make feminine hygiene a priority, and it’s created a bit of a firestorm that the MEN need to be aware of! For example, gentlemen, listen up to how some women responded…

“My husband comes home from work wanting sex the minute he walks in the door. I know he thinks that sitting at a desk all day doesn’t make him dirty down there, but the only way I’m willing to indulge in that part of his anatomy is if he’s showered – recently – like minutes beforehand! Is it rude to tell him that he has to take a shower before he expects me to have sex with him? I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I don’t want to gag during intimate moments together either.” -Anonymous

“I completely agree that women need to keep themselves clean to be pleasant to their partners, but my husband needs a little help in that area as well! When he fails to wipe his hairy butt sufficiently, there’s lingering smells that don’t make it very inviting to put my face anywhere near that area! Can you tell MEN to make ‘masculine hygiene’ a priority too?” -Anonymous

No, it’s not rude to tell him that you prefer a freshly showered man as a sex partner! In fact, it’s rude to keep rejecting him sexually when he has no idea why! Let him in on the secret to becoming more sexually attractive to you, and my guess you’ll need to stock up on soap before the week is over!

And guys, I’ll tell you just like I told the ladies – any crack or crevice of your body that isn’t washed regularly with soap and water (not just dry toilet paper) is going to emit some unpleasant odors, so clean up your act if necessary if you want your wife to be an interested and motivated sex partner!

Wishing you good, clean fun,

Shannon

posted by Terrica

I have so much to say (and confess) on this topic that I don’t even know where to start!  I’ve actually been mulling it over in my head for weeks now.  But after catching today’s episode of Oprah spotlighting the cast of the Twilight Saga, I had to at least get the ball rolling…

Did anyone else see it?  Did anything stand out to you?  Did you find it unsettling?

Two particular statements got my attention, and by that I mean I suddenly sat up straighter, head cocked to the side, my face contorted in confusion and frustration.

#1-While questioning a group of moms about their obsession with all things Edward Cullen (the oh-so-romantic lead vampire in the books/movies who’s eternally smitten with Bella Swan, a human wanna-be vampire) Ally Wentworth tries to justify the obsession by saying, “It’s an escape, it’s a way to relive the passion of first love, and you’re not cheating!”

Um, ok.  Does that statement bother anyone else?  Seems to me that if you have to specify that something ‘isn’t cheating,’ there’s a problem.  Aside from Jesus taking the whole concept of lust to the level of ‘anyone who even looks at a woman (or man) lustfully has already committed adultery with them in their heart…’ (Matt 5:28), it immediately made me wonder how the husbands of those ladies must feel.

Cue unsettling comment #2.  Ally then went to the backyard to chat with the children of the ‘Twi-moms’.  When she asked them what they thought about the obsession one little girl piped up with,”My dad tells my mom, ‘You love Edward Cullen more than me!’ ”  Ugh.  Just typing that quote makes my stomach turn.

During the hour-long show as endless twi-crazed teenage girls, married women, moms, pre-teens (essentially women of every demographic) showcased their obsession, there were laughs, cheers, squeals, elated tears, blah, blah…  But I just wanted to vomit.  Now before anyone goes to stone me or gets defensive, let me admit right now that I DID, in fact, read the series.

The entire series.

In a week.

Last summer.

And I did wait in line to see New Moon when it came out.  (although not opening night…as if that makes it better)

I absolutely, without question, got lost in Twilight-land for a bit.  But I’m not sharing that particular story with you just yet…you’ll have to stay tuned to the blog for those juicy details.  Today as I watched Oprah, my mind kept going back to a vibrant 16-year-old girl I met at our El Paso event a few weeks ago.  Her name was Victoria, and she worked behind Shannon’s book table with me.  Over the course of the weekend she repeatedly told me how much she loved Every Young Woman’s Battle and how much it had helped and challenged her in regard to sexual and emotional integrity,  in a culture that celebrates the opposite.  As we were packing up our few remaining books Saturday evening to leave, out of sheer curiosity I asked her if she’d read the Twilight series.  She never even looked up at me, “Nope.”

I cocked my head to the side with a curious smile, “Why not?” I probed.

She didn’t miss a beat, “I don’t want to.  I think it sets girls up for disappointment.  It makes them hope for a love that’s never going to happen, not this side of heaven anyway.  No man on the planet will ever measure up.”

I was speechless.  Literally, speechless.  And SO unspeakably proud.  I almost wept with joy.

Here’s the thing ladies–God made us to respond to passion.  To wooing.  To desire.  He created us, as women, to physically and emotionally respond when pursued.  And that, is to be celebrated.  However. He did NOT create us to respond in such a manner to fictional characters.  In the pages of a book.  Vampires and werewolves, no less.  I mean, seriously?  Really?  Really.  Are we seriously giving our hearts away to that?  Oh man…if we are, we have definitely missed the point of living and breathing on this planet.  We have missed the very point of life.  And we certainly haven’t experienced true Love and Passion.

“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love.  With loving-kindness I have pursued you…” (Jeremiah 31:3)

“How precious are Your thoughts towards me, O God.  How vast is the sum of them!  Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand on the shore…” (Psalm 139: 17 & 18)

“Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away with Me…” (Song of Solomon 2:13)

Much more to come on this topic, including my story, testimonies from other women (and men) that will SHOCK you to the core, statistics, etc.  But before we dive into any of that, tell me your thoughts.  Am I alone in my sentiments?  Does anyone else feel this way?  Please, please tell me I’m not…

posted by Terrica

For those of you who prayed with us concerning our recent event in El Paso, TX–we’re thrilled to report it was a tremendous success!

With over 2000, primarily Spanish-speaking women from all over the U.S. and Mexico in attendance, we were a bit nervous the message might literally be ‘lost in translation’.  However, even a language barrier couldn’t prevent the truth of God’s transformative, redemptive nature from penetrating hearts!  The women responded spectacularly.  Sitting in our hotel room following the event, Shannon and I were astonished to find that we sold almost 1000 books (aka 1000 sown seeds!) at the book table over the course of a few hours.  Humbled, we thanked God for the privilege of speaking and sowing into lives and hearts on His behalf, and prayed each seed might impact marriages and families for generations to come.

A HUGE thank you to Pastors Chris and Haydee Richards of Vino Nuevo for hosting us!  It was such an honor.  http://www.vinonuevoelpaso.com/

We were so thankful for Haydee, who also served as Shannon’s translator.

A powerful close to the weekend–the ladies waving white (tissue) flags of surrender to the Lord!

posted by Terrica

I stumbled across a few statistics recently that I simply have to share with you.  According to a new study by the National Center for Health Statistics:

• 96% of Americans between the ages of 20 and 59 have had sex, concluding that 4% of U.S. adults are virgins.
• Overall, only 11% of unmarried adults are virgins.
• 15% of all adults abstained from sex until they were 21.
• For all men, the median number of partners was 6.8 and for all women 3.7

What does this study communicate to you?  Are you one of the few who managed to abstained from sex until marriage?  Did you not, but wish you had?  Are you a single adult but maintaining your sexual purity?

What I really want to hear are the BRAVE confessions both good and bad, of how either having sex BEFORE marriage or saving yourself FOR marriage, has effected you.

C’mon, who’s going to be first?!  Be brave…

posted by Terrica

A reader from Australia recently sent us this photo of her daughter Lily, age 2.  She left her in bed to take a nap, but when checking in a bit later found her propped up in bed reading!   We may have just discovered out youngest fan, ever

Remember moms (and dads), it’s never too early to teach your daughters about embracing her role as the bride of Christ!

by Shannon

(Warning:  This Hot Tip is NOT for the faint-at-heart or the easy-to-be-made-queasy!  If that’s YOU, stop reading NOW!)

I really appreciated all of the shouts of praise (from both women AND men) in response to the most recent Hot Tip about keeping your vaginal area cleansed if oral sex is something you desire.  A reader posed this question in response, and I thought it warranted a follow-up Hot Tip!

K.R. wrote, “I have some questions concerning body hair. I have been told to shave or wax down there. I have shaved it a few times, but it just leaves a rash and itches like crazy when it comes back. So I’m not sure how to keep myself groomed in that area.  Is there a certain kind of tool to use in order to keep yourself groomed or would you suggest maybe Nair? This is rather awkward for me to ask, but I figure other inquiring minds want to know as well!”

Indeed, this is a great question!  BRAVO for working up the courage to put this kind of question out there, K.R.!  Here’s my opinion on several different options:

• Nair or Hair Removing Lotion:  These products are only meant for external hair such as legs or armpits.  I wouldn’t go there with the vaginal area – too much possibility for a negative reaction to such harsh chemicals!
• Shaving:  Not only is it difficult to shave yourself, you’re right.  It feels great for a few hours, then the rash sets in, and you’re stuck with 3 days of major crotch-itch until it grows back in.  Miserable!
• Waxing:  Yes, I tried it.  Once.  And I can’t say I’ll ever do it again.  I was SO eager to hear my cosmetologist say those three magical words, “We’re all DONE!”  Even though waxing feels great afterward and lasts a good while, the process ranks right up there with root canals in my opinion.  If you have a low tolerance for pain, waxing may not be for you.

So what’s a Sexually Confident Wife to do if none of these are great options?  Try these Quick-Trim Techniques:

• After showering and using an intimate cleansing product like Summer’s Eve Intimate Cleanser, grab sections of pubic hair between two fingers and gently pull them away from the body.  Then use regular hair cutting scissors to trim as close to your skin as possible without cutting yourself.  It will create a “low burr haircut” effect.
• Stand over the toilet so that hair falls directly into the bowl to make clean up a snap.
• You could also use a man’s beard trimmer for such a job, but do NOT stand over a small body of water such as a toilet to use an electrical appliance!
• Slip back into the shower for another quick cleansing session to wash away any remaining stray stubble.

No harsh chemicals, no painful waxing, no razor burn, no horrible itch as it grows out!  Every 2-4 weeks should be plenty to keep your private playground well-groomed.

And if reaching these parts of your body is a challenge for you, hand your husband the scissors with a smile, place a towel on the bed, lay down on your back, and invite him to give you a hand.  Most men would be happy to oblige knowing that he’ll get to indulge afterward!

Wishing you good, clean fun!

by Shannon

(Warning:  This Hot Tip is NOT for the faint-at-heart or the easy-to-be-made-queasy!  If that’s YOU, hit the delete button NOW!)

I was recently driving around Los Angeles and listening to a sex therapy radio talk show.  A woman called in complaining that her husband rarely performs oral sex, yet frequently desires her to perform it for him.  She couldn’t understand how things had gotten so one-sided in their marriage bed, and she was demanding change (and prepared to hold out on him until that change took place).

The therapist asked her in response, “Could there be a feminine hygiene issue?”

The caller was dead silent.  Finally she asked, “What do you mean?”

The therapist responded, “Do you cleanse your vaginal area properly before expecting your husband to perform oral sex?”

Again, dead silence.  She eventually replied, “Well, I take a shower, if that’s what you mean.”

“No, I’m not talking about just a shower.  Do you spread the lips of your vagina and use some sort of body wash to get rid of the odor and bacteria naturally present there?” the therapist inquired, leaving no room for misinterpretation.

The caller replied, “I was never told that was necessary, and I heard Dr. Oz say that the vagina is a ‘self-cleaning oven’ on the Oprah Show.”

I thought, Hello?!?!?  This woman is expecting her husband to indulge in such an intimate sexual act with his mouth (and nose) when she hasn’t properly cleaned herself?

In all honesty, I wanted to find this gal’s mama, spank her, and ask, “What were you thinking to let your daughter wander into marriage without even a basic understanding of feminine hygiene?!?!?”

And then I thought, “Oh, her poor husband!”

I wanted to scream four simple words loud enough so that she could hear me in Philadelphia all the way from Los Angeles:  Summer’s Eve Intimate Cleanser!

In case this is a newsflash to you, let me explain a few things:

• Yes, the vaginal CANAL is a self-cleaning oven, but the “oven door” has to be wiped down regularly!  The vaginal lips (the internal and external folds of skin surrounding the vaginal canal) collect sweat and bacteria like any other crack or crevice of your body.  Not to get too gross here, but you wouldn’t expect your husband to lick between your toes or under your armpit unless it had been thoroughly washed with soap and water, right?  A sexually confident wife should have just as sensitive of standards with her nether region!
• Doctors recommend that women should not douche more than once a month (if at all) because inserting those chemicals inside your vaginal canal washes away all your natural (good) bacteria that fight off infections.  But what I’m talking about here isn’t using an internal douche.  It’s about simply cleansing in between the folds of skin to eliminate foul odors (and tastes).
• If you desire oral sex from your husband (not all women do, and that’s okay), also realize that in addition to proper cleansing, keeping your pubic hair neatly trimmed would probably make the experience far more pleasurable for him!  I can’t imagine anyone enjoying a mouthful of hair.

Okay, enough gross stuff.  ’Nuff said.  Just keep it clean, Ladies!  Keep it clean!

And for anyone who has read this – flabbergasted — and wondered, “Isn’t oral sex sinful?” I’d say show me in the Bible where it’s forbidden!  (God didn’t accidentally leave that part out by mistake, I assure you!)  Think about it — KY Jelly wasn’t invented until centuries after the Garden of Eden, so I can’t imagine oral sex wasn’t part of God’s perfect design to naturally lubricate that which often needs lubrication for sexual intimacy to take place.  In fact, I’ll close by simply quoting Scripture directly:

“I delight to sit in my lover’s shade.

His fruit is sweet to my taste!”

(Song of Solomon 2:3)

(Sounds pretty oral to me, wouldn’t you say?)

Don’t miss Shannon this weekend at Vino Nuevo in El Paso, Texas!  She’ll be speaking at their annual women’s conference–open to the public.  If you’re in the area we’d love to connect with you!  For more info please see:

http://demujeramujer.tv/general-en.htm