I Could Learn a Lot from a Coffee Bean
We recently introduced you to current BLAST participant, Kathy Floyd, and after seeing this post on her personal blog we immediately knew it was something we wanted to share with our own readers. Enjoy! –SEM staff
I was reminded this weekend at my BLAST class (www.shannonethridge.com/blast if you’re curious) of a story about some hot water. Hot water is usually a good thing. Think lobster. Showers. Cocoa. Steaming your pores.
Sometimes I really like me some hot water. Other times not so much.
I greatly enjoy a good hot bath. REALLY hot. Especially in winter, I love to let the hot water run over my hands and feet while the tub fills up. If I’m cold and nothing else seems to help, a hot bath will warm me right up. Putting something fragrant in my hot water just makes the whole experience rich. Give me some Bath and Body Works Eucalyptus Spearmint products (body wash, foaming bath AND sugar scrub, thank you) and I can turn into a happy, happy girl . . . at least until the water gets cold. (I like the Arbonne Sea Source scent too, just so you know. Shameless plug for my sis-in-law’s stuff.)
I (and the other grownup I reside with) like a hot bath so much that one of the things on our house’s bucket list is a tankless water heater. Those pricey little appliances give you the ability to have all the hot water you want instantly. No more running the tank dry and then having to wait for it to manufacture more. Trust me, I can run a hot water tank dry all by myself, no assistance required. If you want a bath at my house, you better get yours before I get mine. (That sounded funny . . . I’m hoping none of y’all want a bath at my house. It was a figure of speech.) It’s great for doing laundry and dishes too . . . like I care.
Hot water can also refer to something that’s not so soothing. It’s called Trouble. As in “that girl done gone and got herself in some hot water.” I’ve done that before . . . gotten myself in a spot of hot water. You don’t really need to know more than that. It’s enough to confess that I can understand how lobsters feel.
Of course, like with lobsters, sometimes we don’t crawl into the hot pot ourselves. We get thrown in. Or it gets thrown on us. Guess what? It’s still awfully hot either way.
I guess that’s a lot of what makes the difference between hot water that is tolerable and the kind that is not. Did I choose it for myself? Okay then. Or did I get subjected to it against my will? I’m still cooked, and that’s just flat-out not fair.
On a side note, there are those who choose the hot water for themselves, and then get irritated about the consequences and think you did it to them. Shame on you, you lobster-killer, you! But that would be a whole ‘nuther post for a whole ‘nuther day.
Anyway, here’s the story I was reminded of this weekend (thanks Debbie Heatwole):
A man was trying to teach his daughter about responding correctly to stressful situations in life. To illustrate his lesson, he brought three pots of water to a boil on top of the stove. Into one, he put some carrots. Into the second, he put an egg. Into the third, he put ground coffee beans.
A little while later, he turned off the burners and let the pots cools down somewhat. Then he continued his instruction by pulling the carrots out of the first pot. He asked his daughter, “Can you tell me what happened to these carrots when they were cooked?” She replied, “Well, they were firm, but the hot water made them all soft, kind of mushy, actually.” ”That’s right,” the father replied. ”Sometimes people who are subjected to stress and trouble get mushy and weak. They’re no longer able to stand firm.”
He then asked her to take the egg from the second pot and describe what she found. ”I know the egg was soft and liquid on the inside before,” she said, “but when I crack the shell, I find that it has gotten hard.” ”And that’s what some people do in hot water,” said the dad. ”They were tender before, but they let the hard circumstances of life make them hard on the inside. Now, go ahead and tell me what you see in the third pot.”
The daughter looked into the pot. ”It’s coffee,” she said. ”Strong coffee. Hmm . . . so you’re saying that some people let hot water make them stronger? Like, the stress actually changes them into something good?” ”You’ve got it!” the father exclaimed! ”The people who are like the coffee beans may not enjoy the experience of being boiled, but when the process is complete, they have become something that is useful, even delicious.”
“I see now what you’re trying to tell me,” said the girl. ”I need to always be careful to be like the coffee beans and let difficult times make me strong, not hard-hearted like the egg, and not weak like the carrots. But hey, Dad, do you see something more in that third pot?” The father looked at it for a minute and then said, “Tell me what you mean.”
The daughter replied, “Dad, not only did the boiling water transform the coffee beans into something good . . . the coffee beans transformed the hot water.”
So here’s what I have to ask myself . . . when life gets tough, do I get mushy? (Yes. I’ve been a cooked carrot mushball lately, and not for the first time in my life.) Or do I get hard-hearted? (Yes. Either I look for somebody or something to be mad at, or I throw up a wall to keep from getting hurt by all that heated liquid you’re slinging around. Of course, it IS you slinging it around.) Or do I get strong? (Well. Hmm. Maybe sometimes? On good days? If everything else goes my way?)
Okay . . . so sometimes, on occasion, every now and then, I can let the hot water of life make me into something usable. If I’m in the mood and it’s not too much trouble. Like a lobster who stays put in the cookpot. I’m such a good girl if I can do that, right? Like, three cheers for that lobster!!!!
Whatever. But am I satisfied with being a good little crustacean just sometimes, on occasion, every now and then? Not really. Do I ever go a step beyond letting trouble transform me to where I actually transform my troubles, maybe even making them more tolerable for others? Not usually.
I could learn a lot from a coffee bean. Uuggghhh! Did I mention I hate the taste of coffee?
I leave you with a loose paraphrase from the book of James for your consideration.
“Count it all joy when you fall into hot water . . . “
What is your current hot water doing to you, or what are you doing to it?
(For more from Kathy check out her blog at http://kathyrodenfloyd.blogspot.com/)
Make Quality Time Enjoyable for HIM!
Click on the video below to watch as Shannon continues to answer the most Frequently Asked Questions she receives from women…
Have you invited your husband out for a steak dinner lately? Or a trip to Home Depot perhaps? Would love to hear YOUR tips!
1 commentDangerous Twilight-inspired ‘Biting’ Trend Alarming Parents
posted by Terrica
The NY Daily News published the following article today. Had to share:
Teenagers inspired by Twilight sink fangs into each other in new ‘biting’ trend, parents fear risks
Twilight fanatics are sinking their teeth into something new these days – each other.
Teenagers inspired by the explosively popular vampire series, as well as shows like True Blood and the Vampire Diaries, are taking the fad one step further and exchanging real life ‘love bites.’
“It’s a way to belong to somebody and check their territory,” high school sophomore Pao Hernandez told CBS News.
Hernandez says couples at her school exchange blood with each other to prove their passion, and friends also give each other bites to demonstrate just how close they are.
“This is kind of the modern day version of the hickey,” said CBS Medical Correspondent Dr. Jennifer Ashton.
“But we have to remember, any time there’s a break in the skin, especially when you’re talking about the human mouth, it’s loaded with bacteria…You can set up for potentially some serious skin infections.”
The trend has parents across the country panicked, and not just about the germs.
“This really concerns me because it has to do with possession,” writes parenting blogger Vanessa Van Petten on her website. “We’re talking about something that’s about ownership, possessing your friends.”
Missy Wall, the Director of a Dallas outreach group for middle and high school students, says teenagers are using the bites as a new kind of status suymobl.
“It becomes a contest of who has the bite mark and then that means somebody cares about you or you’re in a relationship or you’ve been chosen, which is very similar to the movies.”
“Not only obviously are there physical consequences but psychosocial,” said Ashton. “This is a way of marking a person, and it is a form of emotional and physical abuse.”
But Twilight hunk Robert Pattinson doesn’t see the harm in a little friendly biting.
In a 2009 appearance on David Letterman, the vampire hearthrob recounted how a 230-pound man requested he sink his teeth into him at a the movie premiere.
“So I did,” Pattinson laughed. “And the surprising thing was I kinda liked it.”
Well ladies and gents, what do you think about this one? Alarmed? Freaked-out? Enraged? I’m sippin’ on a toxic emotional cocktail of all THREE… Can’t wait to hear YOUR thoughts.
For parents in need of solid resources to help educate your children regarding sexuality, check out Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman’s Battle (or Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle) here:
http://www.shannonethridge.com/products.shtml
Celebrating Our Independence!
The fourth of July is one of my favorite holidays for many reasons – the fireworks, the family picnics, the pool parties, all that fun stuff. While celebrating the independence of our country is certainly a big deal, I usually do some soul-searching around this time of year to reflect on and celebrate my OWN independence as well!
What kind of independence am I referring to? I’ll share a few examples from my own life and from the lives of many women I talk with each week through my coaching practice (whose names have been changed, of course!)…
- It’s been 12 years since an extramarital emotional entanglement loomed large over my life, threatening my marriage, my family, and my own sanity! We just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary, and I’m thrilled that we made it through that season and learned how to not just survive, but to THRIVE in our marriage!
- Obsessions with how I look and what others think of me have dissipated such that I can concentrate on the millions of other, more important things in life!
- After a 3-year sexual affair with a married man, Katrina has had ZERO contact with her ex-lover for 18 months, proving to herself that she does NOT need a man to feel complete and live a fulfilling life!
- After years of bitterness and resentment toward her dad, Beth has been able to choose forgiveness and move on without feeling the desperate need to search for an alternative “father figure” to fill the void.
- Sarah just celebrated 4 years of sobriety from a pornography addiction that plagued her from the ages of 8 through 30, claiming “Freedom feels far better than slavery!”
- After suffering through the sexual advances of a co-worker for over 6 months (and admittedly almost “caving in” under the pressure), Mindy finally found the courage to leave her job and find a new one, resulting in a healthier work environment, a shorter commute, AND a 10% increase in pay!
It feels so great to be INDEPENDENT rather than CO-DEPENDANT, doesn’t it Ladies?!!
Have YOU taken time to celebrate YOUR independence as a sexual woman who maintains healthy boundaries and a positive self-esteem? What better time than Independence Day to press the “pause” button and do exactly that!
Or if you’re in need of life coaching to overcome sexual addictions or unpack some emotional baggage that’s dragging you down, go to www.shannonethridge.com/coaching to learn more!
No commentsA Must Share Reader Testimony…
Dear Shannon,
I’m a 41-year-old married woman of 13 years, and I am blown away by your book Every Woman’s Battle! A male friend told me about it (because he’s reading Every Man’s Battle), and I honestly didn’t think it would pertain to me, but how wrong I was! I AM the women in the book. I’ve know for years that something wasn’t quite right, but didn’t know how to put it into words.
I realize now I am a certified ‘flirt.’ I look for love in all the wrong places. I crave male attention. I’m literally the person you wrote this book for. I’m so grateful you’ve brought this topic out in the open!
I want to do some kind of study at my church on the topic. I have the gift of encouragement and teaching and feel very passionate about sharing what I’ve learned with others. I feel like, for the very first time in my life, that I know what God wants to use me for. I’ve always wondered how my past could be used for good…now I know.
Shannon, thank you again for writing this book. So many women relate to this but don’t realize or consider it a “problem.” I get it now. I feel like the scales have fallen from my eyes. This book is changing my marriage, my very life.
Gratefully,
K
No commentsHow to Start a Movement
posted by Terrica
Here’s a shout out to you, our readers. Whether it’s this blog, our newsletter, hot tip emails, or one of Shannon’s many book titles…we want to say thanks for your support! Because of you, our passion for healthy sexuality and spirituality has become a movement. Check it out:
Want to start your own Movement? What are YOU passionate about?
1 commentShould a woman be her husband’s accountability partner?
(Our friend, Luke Gilkerson, of CovenantEyes.com recently shared this fantastic article with us and we simply can’t keep it to ourselves. Check it out!)
With the advent of movements like Promise Keepers, accountability has been a buzzword in male Christian community. Men are regularly encouraged by friends, pastors, and mentors to find good accountability partners in their struggle against lust, masturbation, and pornography. But often women will ask me this question: Should I be my husband’s accountability partner in these areas?
Sometimes a husband believes his wife would make an ideal accountability partner. After all, she is around him all the time and knows him in ways no one else does. She is his confidant, friend, lover, and soul-mate. Why not throw “accountability partner” into the mix?
The Pain of Knowing
Our answer to this question centers on the definition of an “accountability partner.” What is accountability, really? Recently I asked Joe Dallas this question. Joe is the author of The Game Plan: The Men’s 30-Day Strategy for Attaining Sexual Integrity and speaks widely on the subject of sexual brokenness. He said,
“I don’t personally believe in a wife being a husband’s accountability partner, but I do believe a husband is accountable to his wife—and that’s not a contradiction in terms. An accountability partner on a week basis asks you: ‘Did you look at pornography? Did you masturbate? Did you flirt? Did you allow yourself to entertain unclean thoughts? Did you handle your sexuality well this week?’ If the wife is the one asking those questions, the husband is going to be imposing on his wife unnecessary pain and detail.”
I asked Amy Smalley the same question. Amy and her husband regularly counsel couples through their Marriage Restoration Intensive programs. She believes when a husband exclusively looks to his wife to confess his sexual struggles, this only serves to trigger a myriad of false beliefs in her: I’m not satisfying enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m not good enough for him, etc. Amy said,
“The reason why it’s not best for her to be the accountability partner is because that directly affects her. There’s a message: when my husband views pornography, whether he does it intentionally or not, he will say, ‘Oh, it has nothing to do with you’—you can say that, but that’s not how she feels. She feels like, ‘This has a direct reflection on me.’”
Fred Stoeker, co-author of Every Man’s Battle, gave me the same answer. He believes the sort of raw details discussed in accountability conversations could be very hurtful to a marriage: “The wife is going to be shocked how many times he stumbles as he tries to win this battle, and it will begin to dishearten her. . . . It will actually hurt the relationship instead of strengthen it.”
While Fred knows of some wives who are able to not be disheartened by their husband’s temptations and sins, he says it is a rare thing.
The Need to Trust
That being said, healthy marriages must be built on honesty and transparency. Jesus, the bridegroom of the church, was pleased to reveal to us everything His Father taught Him (John 15:15). Jesus has given to us His own Spirit who shares with us “the deep things” of God’s heart (1 Corinthians 2:10-12). Husbands, we must follow our Master’s example. We must be open and honest as we share our hearts with our wives.
Joe Dallas mentioned this issue in my conversation with him. While a husband does not need to belabor his wife with intricate details of his sexual struggles, a man should volunteer information to his wife about how he is doing in the fight to stay pure. If there has been a breach of trust in the past, or if he has given into habitual lust, she needs to see the fruit of repentance in her husband. She needs a window to peer into his soul so she can see his diligent faithfulness to her. Trust is built only when he builds a track record of trustworthiness.
In my conversation with Dr. Mark Laaser, he affirmed, “The husband is accountable to the wife to stay sexually pure,” but then quickly added, “but I don’t think the wife should be a part of his network such that she’s engaged at the same level other men are going to be. . . He should have a network of men he is able to call.”
Couples need to dialogue about what sort of details she needs to hear and what details should be reserved for other guys who are helping him in his struggle.
The “Need” to Know
Dr. Laaser also pointed out the slippery slope of spousal accountability. Women have often found “they sometimes get into controlling their husband’s behavior.” Amy Smalley was also very attuned to this tendency in women—when the need to build trust turns into an obsessive curiosity. These obsessive thoughts often feed unforgiveness or a desire to control or manipulate. Joe Dallas told me when a wife is engaged in accountability on a deep level with her husband “it puts the wife in a rather maternal position with a husband,” which he thinks is very unhealthy for a marriage.
What is the difference between helpful honesty that encourages trust and unhelpful probing that leads to tension? The difference is in the heart of the wife. Amy Smalley says this is a matter of serious prayer: God, reveal my motives. Tell me when want to know so I can be confident in my husband’s repentance and when just want to feed my bitterness or control him in some way.
The Need for Male Community
When the struggle is with Internet pornography, many people have made use of accountability software, such as Covenant Eyes. When all of your Internet activity is monitored and detailed reports are sent to others who have agreed to stand with you in fight for purity, this makes an enormous difference in how we use the Web.
I work for Covenant Eyes, and recently we surveyed some of our members and found that about 30% of them have their accountability reports emailed to their wives. For many couples this is a token of real transparency and honesty, as if to say, “My life is completely open to you. I have no secrets. I love you.”
Still, many guys have the same report emailed to other men in their accountability network. These are the men who hear the nitty-gritty details: the lustful glances, the fantasies, and the temptations we face on a regular basis in our sex-saturated world. This is the brotherhood that encourages us to flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace in our world and our relationships (2 Timothy 2:22).
In my conversation with Amy Smalley she said how assuring this can be for a wife, to know her husband is meeting regularly with another guy or a group of men who are engaged in the battle with him. It is freeing to a woman when she knows and trusts the men who surround her husband with encouragement, prayer, and correction. Amy’s message to husbands is for them to find accountability among other brothers:
“Covenant Eyes is a great way for men to be accountable to other men. That way, first of all, there’s some compassion there, because it’s another man who’s hard-wired the same way that you are. And two, it someone that you feel has a connection and that will love you no matter what but really kick you in the pants when you need to, and talk to you the way a man needs to talk to another man.”
If you want to listen to these conversations, please listen to our podcast (11 minutes) on the Covenant Eyes blog.
Luke Gilkerson is the general editor and primary author of Breaking Free, the corporate weblog of Covenant Eyes. Luke has a degree in Philosophy and Religious Studies from Bowling Green State University and is currently working on his Master of Arts in Religion from Reformed Theological Seminary. Before working at Covenant Eyes he spent six years as a Campus Minister. He lives in Michigan with his wife Trisha and two sons.
Everybody Loves Loving Words–by Kathy Floyd
(Please join me in welcoming guest blogger and current B.L.A.S.T. participant, Kathy Floyd! Her wit and humor keep us rolling so we just had to introduce her to you. Enjoy! –SEM blog staff)
My husband and I don’t share a lot of similarities in television preferences. We both love reruns of M.A.S.H. I don’t mind his “Andy Griffith” episodes, and he’s caught a few decorating visions from HGTV with me. He doesn’t care for my medical shows, and I despise his Three Stooges (nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah)!
But for a few years, we met in the living room every Monday night for “Everybody Loves Raymond.” We found it hilarious and liked that we both enjoyed the same show for once! Honestly, I probably prided myself on not being quite as chiding as Debra while my husband was not nearly as clueless as Ray! Thankfully, all our in-laws live at least a few blocks away, and neither of us have a doofus brother! But, the Barrones presented a picture of a couple with some decent family values . . . the kitchen seemed clean, he had a job, they romped in the sack every now and then, were involved with their kids and had actually remained married! To each other! So we thought it healthier than the average cheating, cussing primetime sitcom segment, and we shared lots of laughs during that half-hour each week.
One day I was reading an article on negativity, especially sarcasm, in marriage. The writer referred to “Everybody Loves Raymond” as an example of how sarcasm can invade a couple’s communication without them being aware of the takeover. And it hit me . . . we had begun to sound like Ray and Debra and hadn’t even noticed! The sarcasm had crept right in!
Negativity in marriage is a lot like black mold . . . it’s nasty and toxic and creeps right in until it takes over. We all know those couples who let the icky, moldy marriage stain keep spreading in a home until . . . well, until it got too unhealthy to live there and somebody had to move out.
“Whew!” you say. Maybe that doesn’t describe your marriage . . . it isn’t exactly moldy, just a little mildewy at the moment, and you had hardly noticed. But the spores can grow relentlessly on, in bathtubs and beds, until what was once sparkling has been dirtied and dulled. It’s not until you look behind the tile . . . or pull back the covers . . . that you see the slime.
Sometimes we don’t realize that our words are so harmful. We voice things we’re accustomed to saying and think we’re just “being ourselves” . . . statements like:
“Well, it’s about time you carried out the trash / lost a little weight / wore something
besides that ratty flannel thing to bed!”
“Why are you being nice? You must want something.”
“Did you know we’re religious? My wife serves burnt offerings every evening!”
“Sex . . . again????? It hasn’t even been a month since the last time!”
“Headache . . . again? It hasn’t even been 24 hours since the last one!”
Sometimes the receiving party can laugh those remarks off for a while, but then they start to cut. Wounded folks will naturally work to protect themselves from pain, which could mean attacking back or retreating from the battlefield. Either way, intimacy has taken a beating and been left injured. The black mold of sarcasm has eaten something away.
Since sex is a type of communication between a husband and a wife, it too is susceptible to this contamination. Negative phrases spoken in other parts of life can affect . . . umm, infect
. . . even the sacred space of the marriage bed. Here’s what I mean: it’s hard for him to make sweet love if she’s been making snide comments. He laid into her with criticism . . . now she’s supposed to lay in his arms? Nobody feels like having their clothes ripped off if their heart feels ripped out.
Thankfully, there’s good news! Positive words are like bleach on mold! It may take repeated applications and intentional effort to see the glowing results. But with patience and persistence, you can lighten things up a lot!
“I sure do love you, sweetie / honey / darling / my most precious love dumpling!”
“Did you know I think you’re more beautiful now than ever?”
“Sweetheart, it makes me feel downright romantic when I come home and you’ve
cleaned the kitchen / bathed the kids / made my favorite dinner!”
“Sex? How quick can we get these kids in bed?!?!?!?”
“Headache? Darling, you know how to cure any headache I might have!”
Yeah, baby! These kinds of comments are like Mr. Clean Magic Eraser . . . they’ll take out stains that were set in deep and expected to last!
But what if you don’t feel like being sweet or sexy? People often get caught in the trap of thinking they have to say whatever they feel. Not so. It’s actually possible to change emotions by going ahead with behaviors that you know to be right and good. Try it! Put on a pleasant expression and say something affectionate . . . “God must love me a lot to give you to me!” Keep it up and chances are high that you’ll find yourself having more of that loving feeling you didn’t have just a little while before.
As a very wise king once said, “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” Proverbs 18:21 (MSG) So how are you doing? Is your sarcasm dripping poison into your spouse’s heart and between your sheets? Or are your fruitful words leaving behind a sweet fragrance that lingers and delights?
For more from Kathy check out her blog ‘Confessions of a REAL Desperate Housewife’ at http://www.kathyrodenfloyd.blogspot.com/ or contact her directly by visiting www.kathyfloyd.com
Or for more on the B.L.A.S.T. mentoring program please visit http://www.shannonethridge.com/blast.shtml
2 commentsA TRUE Twilight Story
posted by Terrica
We recently received an email from a guy who is absolutely heartbroken regarding the Twilight Saga. At first glance, we assumed it was simply another husband complaining (albeit rightly so!) about his wife’s over-enthusiasm for the series, but as we continued reading soon realized his cry was far more serious that we could have imagined. Ladies, take note. Consider this a warning.
Dear Shannon,
I’m writing you because I have no idea who else might understand the situation I find myself in. My wife has an addiction, though it’s not what you might think. She addicted to the teen book series called Twilight. Are you familiar? I honestly wasn’t until recently. I mean, I’d heard of them in passing but that was about it. Well, a few weeks ago out of nowhere she began accusing me of having an affair. I was shocked! You see, we’re both Christians, happily married with 2 children, and when I say happily I mean it. We’ve always had a great marriage, great sex life, great everything. So when she began falsely accusing me of infidelity for no apparent reason, I was dumbstruck. When I asked her WHY she thought such a thing, she said there had to be someone else because I just didn’t pursue and romance her the way I used to. I admit, I probably don’t pursue her the way I did when we were first dating, but I’m still very affectionate, loving, affirming, bring her flowers…you get the idea. It isn’t like I’m cold and distant.
Anyway–over the course of a few weeks she kept starting these arguments out of nowhere, and then in the middle of them she’d say what she really wanted was to have sex. No kidding. She’d go from hating me to wanting me sexually all in the same conversation, well, argument really. You can imagine how confused I was by the whole interaction. The REALLY weird thing was–she seemed completely mentally absent during the act. Like…she wasn’t even there. At first she’d simply close here eyes the ENTIRE time, but eventually–without being too graphic–she wanted to engage in intercourse in such positions that she literally couldn’t see me. After this occurred a few times I sort of confronted it, and she admitted she had been fantasizing about ‘some actor–no big deal’. I knew she’d been reading the series but hadn’t thought much of it. I started doing some digging online and realized she had been spending HOURS looking at photos of this Robert Pattinson guy who plays the vampire in the books. She has also been watching the movies over and over while I was at work. I was floored! I asked her if that was him, the guy she was fantasizing about and she admitted it was, but when I asked her to stop reading the books she refused. A few days later, still really bothered by the whole thing, I asked again and she still refused. Then things really got strange. I got incredibly angry and told her the books had become an idol and that I wouldn’t have it in my house–to which she started screaming at me. It was a side of her I’d NEVER seen in our 8 years of marriage. I took the books and started towards the door to trash them, and she ATTACKED me. Physically, literally attacked me. She kept screaming, “Give me my books back!” I had to hold her down until she calmed, but even then she was still so angry she ordered me to leave. I stayed at my buddies apartment that night, thinking it was a good thing to give us time to cool off. What I didn’t expect was that I’d end up staying there 4 consecutive nights. It’s been over two weeks now since that big fight, and when I’ve tried to talk to her she says she wants a divorce. She says she just isn’t happy with me anymore, that she wants something different, something more. No matter what I say her eyes just look empty.
Shannon, I am so heartbroken. I feel like I’ve lost my precious wife to a fictional character that isn’t even REAL. What do I do? I don’t know how to be MORE. I love her deeply, and our children. I provide for them, always have. We have a beautiful home and life together… I don’t know what else I can give her that I don’t already. I’ve suggested counseling but she says she isn’t interested, that it won’t help. What do I do? I’m at a loss. Please help.
Jason
Reading this email breaks my heart over and over again. I don’t have words to express my sadness. The incredibly interesting part of his email however, was an excerpt he included from an article he’d found online by Steve Wohlberg. In you aren’t aware, Stephanie Meyer (the author) wrote this series after the concept came to her in a DREAM. She had never written anything before this series was birthed. She’s been asked multiple times if she’s ever dreamed of her characters again, and she says she has only ONCE:
“Shockingly, after Stephenie Meyer’s unexpected rise to stardom, she later confessed,
I actually did have a dream after Twilight was finished of Edward coming to visit me — only I had gotten it wrong and he did drink blood like every other vampire and you couldn’t live on animals the way I’d written it. We had this conversation and he was terrifying. (2)
I’m convinced that the “Edward” who appeared to Stephenie Meyer in her two dreams was a demon with a secret, diabolical agenda. What agenda? Based on what God’s Book says in Revelation 12:11, it was to keep sinful mortals focused on the wrong blood. Judging by the public’s response to the Twilight novels and movies, there’s no doubt that his hellish plot has been successful”
Fascinating, huh? Check out the full article here:
In order to guard your marriages ladies, you MUST guard your hearts! It is of absolute, paramount importance. Don’t be sucked into this craze. Your husbands and children are worth far more than a fictional obsession with teenage vampires and werewolves!
Do you agree?? Have you heard of similar situations like Jason’s? Did you get sucked in, too? Would love to hear your story, if so. I’ll be sharing mine soon!
24 commentsEnjoy the Afterglow Without the After-mess!
In light of all these “hygienic hot tips” lately for both women and men, you’d think we’ve said about all there is to say about sexual hygiene by now! But alas, a reader submits the following fantastic question – well-worth answering in this Hot Tip…
I’m a newlywed, and I enjoy sex, but what are some practical ways to deal with the mess afterward? I always feel like I have to get right up and go to the bathroom to clean off within minutes of having sex. I can’t go to sleep without being dry and clean down there, so I’d appreciate some tips about how to enjoy the afterglow without the after-mess!
So glad you asked! Here’s my best advice for doing just that:
- When it comes to bedtime sex, consider asking your husband to “make his deposit” externally rather than internally. Ejaculating onto your stomach or chest will make clean up much easier, and then you aren’t awakened in the middle of the night by… well, you know!
- In your nightstand drawer, keep a short stack of old washcloths or dishtowels. When the climaxes are over, quick clean-up is a breeze, and these cloths can be laundered each week with the rest of the towels.
- Remember that baby wipes aren’t just for babies! If you prefer a moist clean-up over a dry one, keep a container of baby wipes near by. (These are also handy for when you want to indulge in some intimate moments before showers have taken place, so these can be useful both before and after sex!)
- Speaking of baby stuff, also keep a few waterproof crib pads underneath your bed. It’s the perfect sheet protector to tuck under your bottom beforehand, and is much more effective than just a terrycloth towel at making sure neither of you are sleeping in the wet spot all night!
Continuing to wish you lots & lots of good, clean fun!
Shannon
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