Shannon Ethridge's Blog

With every New Year comes a new resolution — or more appropriately for me, a new attempt at keeping the same old resolution: to control my sugar addiction rather than letting it control me.

The holidays are always the worst time for sugar binges with all of the decadent desserts coming at me from every direction. Come January I’m usually so burned out on sugar that I’m ready for a drastic change… until around January 3rd or 4th, when I find myself craving yet another frosted brownie or slice of pecan pie.

In 2008, I made it through mid-March before breaking down for a chocolate-chip cookie. Then it was down-hill the rest of the year. I was pretty proud of myself for lasting that long, but disappointed that I didn’t make it through the whole year like I’d promised myself. In 2010, it’s my goal to put my big girl panties on and make a real and lasting lifestyle change – to enjoy only an occasional sweet with great moderation. No more “all or nothing” mentality that sets me up for failure. I’m determined to break the habit of ending every meal with something sweet. (Yes, I’ve even ended breakfast many times with a dessert of some sort). But then, if I attend a wedding, I’m going to at least taste the cake! I’m just not going to eat a piece the size of New York, or go back for seconds or thirds, or go home after the wedding and binge on even more sugar because I’ve “already blown my diet today anyway.”

I’m going to try a more sensible approach. I plan on filling my diet full of such good stuff that there’s not a lot of room left for junk food. But on those special occasions where I’d feel completely deprived if I didn’t indulge a little, I’m shooting for approximately 200 calories worth of something sweet, not 2,000 calories of mindless munching. Come Valentine’s Day, I’ll eat a little chocolate. Just not enough to put me in a sugar coma for the next 4 hours.

Why the determination to tame the sugar monster? Because I’ve noticed something really scary happens to me when I’m eating sugar without moderation. For example:

• that’s all I crave. Neither fruits, vegetables, nor proteins sound good to me while I’m “chasing sugar” most of the time.
• I lay awake for several hours in the middle of the night, perhaps due to the hypoglycemia that my doctor told me I’d developed a while back.
• As I lay awake, I feel anxious… stressed… and angry that I can’t sleep when I know my body needs the rest.
• I’m groggy throughout the day, without a lot of energy to commit to important tasks & relationships. Depression can slowly seep in, which often leads me back to the cookie jar, and it becomes a vicious cycle.
• Throughout the night, I keep waking up with my throat feeling like a desert waste-land. (That’s “desert” as in “sand dunes,” not “dessert” as in “bowl of ice cream.”) I lay awake feeling so dehydrated that I can’t drink enough water to moisturize my throat.

And all of this has got me thinking lately… If sugar dehydrates my throat so badly, what is it doing to the rest of my body? Is that why my eyes often feel like sand paper? Why my skin feels so dry and tight? What else might sugar be wreaking havoc on?

And then I recall how many women email me with complaints about their “well running dry” — how vaginal dryness can rob them of their sexual pleasure. I can’t help but wonder if our unhealthy diets have anything to do with our lack of sexual interest?! Could there be a connection between how women stereotypically “love chocolate” but “hate sex?”

It’s a hard question to face, but let’s consider it for a moment. HAS sugar become such an addiction for some of us that it’s robbed us of things we never realized, such as restful sleep, mental sanity, emotional sobriety, highly-functioning organs and metabolic processes, etc.? Can we really be our best selves when we’re under the influence of any harmful substance, even one as “socially acceptable” as sugar? And if it’s true what researchers say about white sugar being as addictive as cocaine, could our sweet tooth be keeping us from becoming the Sexually Confident Wives we desire to be?

Maybe I’m just preaching to myself here. Then again, maybe I’m not alone. No temptation seizes us but what is common (1 Corinthians 10:13), and sugar is one of the most common ingredients in our diets.

If sugar HAS become an issue for you, would you like to join me in trying to conquer its’ addictive grip on our lives? If not, would you just pray for me that I can get a grip myself?

Wishing you a Sweet 2010,
Shannon

Check out this amazing video snippet – so clever and TRUE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXeCAeACmJE

Wishing you much “UP Time” in 2010!
Shannon

Yesterday I twittered about how I was eating some bing cherries that one of my BLAST participants sent me for Christmas – you know, the dried cherries that are dipped in rich milk chocolate and then covered with a red chocolate shell.  I can down those things like there’s no tomorrow!

In fact, last Christmas Eve, I downed way too many bing cherries, and they came back up again at 4 a.m.!  Mr. Claus didn’t expect to be holding Mrs. Claus’ hair out of her face while she puked her bing cherry guts up, but that’s how we spent our Christmas morning 2008.  I remember feeling so loved by Greg’s compassion in my time of crisis, but I have assured him that I’m trying to exercise more moderation this year!

Then I received this video clip from a friend this morning, and I laughed until I almost spewed milk from my nose.  Take a look, laugh hysterically too, and then I’ll bring my thoughts on why “Love Stinks” full circle:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhmL_wSkBZQ

Okay, that may be a little gross… or more accurately VERY gross… but it makes my point perfectly.  It’s funny how we envision “love” or “romance” as a bunch of rose petals and champagne flutes and flickering candles and maybe a hot tub or a cheesy heart-shaped bed with mirrors on the ceiling.  When we think of “love” we don’t think of washing the skid marks out of our husband’s underwear, or holding someone’s hair out of their face while they’re vomiting, or pointing out the spinach in their teeth or a booger in their nose.  But isn’t that what love really is?  To be there for a person in their most awkward time of need?  To gently point things out that they surely wouldn’t want the rest of the world to see?  To come alongside someone to help clean up life’s little messes, no matter how much they stink?

That’s exactly what Jesus did.  He boldly placed his hands directly on the leper’s skin to bring comfort and complete healing.  He compassionately broke the news to the woman at the well that she was looking for love in all the wrong places and developing quite the reputation in the process.  Jesus reached into a rotting grave and brought Lazarus from death back to life again with two simple words: “Come Forth!”  He washed His disciples’ smelly feet, and my guess is that they had some pretty nasty toe jam after all of that walking around in the desert in leather sandals. 

Jesus knew that “love stinks.”  But He didn’t care.  He chose to put up with the stench, and love people anyway.  And that’s why we still celebrate Him two-thousand years later.  Because we know He loves us like crazy, no matter how badly our sin reeks. 

So as we celebrate Jesus’ birthday, let’s honor Him by loving others the way He loves us!

What are some un-stereotypical ways you can show love to your husband and children this holiday season?

On occasion someone else’s blog post reaches out, grabs me, and says, “Share me with your readers!” This is one of them, found at http://www.sarahmarkley.com. Thanks for your clever words of wisdom, Sarah, and for granting copyright permission.

This is a powerful reminder of just how AMAZING grace really is.  I’m sure you’ll agree, Mrs. Haggard is a hero for how she’s chosen to stand by her man during this incredibly difficult season of their lives.

http://www.qideas.org/video/people-of-a-second-chance.aspx

For those who’ve asked how our 3-day marriage sabbatical went this past weekend (and for those longing to have special time with their mates but think they can’t afford to), allow me to share my “commercial” with you…

One downtown Dallas apartment that needed house-sitting while a friend was out of town, along with enough Thanksgiving leftovers to satisfy our appetites for three days:  ZERO DOLLARS

One bargain-bin Christian bookstore find entitled Men are Clams, Woman are Crowbars:  FIVE DOLLARS

One Blockbuster video rental of the movie Fireproof:   THREE DOLLARS

Three days of gut-level honesty, humbling ourselves and asking forgiveness, and of course, great make-up sex:  PRICELESS

For those of you who think that you can’t afford to invest in a marriage sabbatical of your own, THINK AGAIN!  You can’t afford NOT to!   If we did it for less than $10, so can you.

Wishing you plenty of time & creativity to invest in the most important relationship of your life,

Shannon Ethridge, M.A.
www.shannonethridge.com
www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com

This blog is best viewed at:
http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/2009/11/thanksgiving/

My husband of almost 20 years, Greg.

I like this picture because he’s not towering over me like he
usually does when he’s standing. At 6’7”, he towers over
everyone! He’ll be frying the turkey again this year. Once you
taste a deep fried turkey, you never go back to dry turkey out of
the oven! He’ll also rake the crumbly top off the sweet potato
casserole, eat it, and blame it on the kids, as well as try to hide
one of his mother’s famous pumpkin pies for later.

Our Daughter, Erin (17) & Our Son, Matthew (14)

Erin has less than 3 weeks before she graduates high
school 6 months early (with 50 college credits from Tyler
Junior College under her belt already). Yes, she’s really that
brilliant! She’ll fly back to Sydney, Australia on
February 15th and spend 10 months studying art & visual
communications at C3 College in Oxford Falls.
Matthew is growing faster and eating more than we ever
imagined possible! He now looks down on his mother and
sister, which he takes great delight in. But he’s got a long
way to go before he ever looks down on his dad! Matthew
is in the 9th grade at Christian Heritage School, makes
straight A’s, and tears up the basketball court every chance
he gets. His 3-pointer shot is quite incredible!

The newest additions to our family:

4 Maltese puppies born October 11, 2009.
Crimson, Clover, Donald & Penelope (who
was sleeping when this picture was made).
If you’d like to make one of these little
bundles of joy the newest addition to
YOUR family, they’ll be ready for
adoption the week of Christmas!
(hint, hint! The Perfect Christmas Present!)

Plus, I must also mention how thankful we are for our dear friends & supporters of
Shannon Ethridge Ministries! Your love & prayers mean more than we can express!
Happiest of Thanksgivings to you and yours!

You’ll LOVE this video about the Woman Caught in Adultery, performed by a friend of ours, Dani Rocca.  Many of us women can sympathize with this Biblical character.  Praise God we have a Savior who never throws stones!

“Don” writes via email:

Hi Shannon! Thank you for your site. My wife and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary! Our sex life has been good…except in one area. I was a virgin when we married. My wife was not, and I knew this. It did not bother me…until after we said “I do.” I began worrying “am I good enough to make her forget?…will she compare me?…will she have flashbacks when we are making love?…will I meet her expectations?”

My question: What do I do when the thoughts of her former sex partners come lofting into my mind?! The advice so far has been: stop playing tug-o-war with the devil…you can’t win…drop the rope (memories of her lovers). Do you have any extra encouragement/advice???

Uh huh, I do. Think about human nature. When we focus on what we SHOULDN’T or CAN’T or WON’T ALLOW ourselves to do, guess what we naturally do? We’re all the more tempted to do that very thing. Instead, focus on what you CAN or WILL CHOOSE to do. There is power in remaining positive. CHOOSE to win your wife’s trust, and you’ll win her heart. CHOOSE to become her dream lover (and this is far more about tenderness than technique), and I guarantee that all others will PALE in comparison.

Want to know HOW to make those kinds of healing choices? Read on…

My husband and I came into marriage 20 years ago with a similar dynamic. He walked into my world a 26-year old virgin. Between the ages of 15 and 20, I’d had more partners than any woman cares to admit. I forewarned Greg about “what kind of woman” he was interested in before we got engaged. He seemed undaunted. Even when I approached him after two years of marriage crying, “There’s no way you could possibly love me if you knew how many men there have been!”

“I don’t need to know how many, Shannon. But if you need to tell me, I’m willing to listen,” was his response. I spent a few days combing my memories and creating a long list. I approached him with a total number, braced for a look of disgust and a renunciation of his wedding vows. I vocalized the number, literally choking on the sound of it emitting from my mouth, so broken with shame and self-loathing.

“Even if you told me a number 100 times that, I’m still not going anywhere,” Greg replied. “Besides, I know that your past isn’t about you & me… it’s about you & your dad.” Although I didn’t understand that at the time, Greg was absolutely right. An emotionally distant father left a hole in my heart that I went looking for love to fill as a naïve teenager. Sadly, as a result, Greg wasn’t the first man I ever slept with, but I do intend him to be the last. And isn’t that what matters most?

So for 20 years, my husband has never even once thrown that number, or my inappropriate past, up in my face. Perhaps it’s bothered him at times, I don’t know. I can’t imagine how it couldn’t. But he’s never let me know it, and his commitment to me hasn’t wavered or waffled. If he’s had sexual insecurities as a result of my past, he’s dealt with them on his own, which has certainly helped me deal with my own. And as my sexual confidence quotient has risen, I think Greg’s sexual confidence has risen as well. It’s definitely been a win-win.

So my advice, Don, is to buck up and be the man she needs you to be. Be “Jesus with skin on” to her. Let your life and love paint her a vivid picture of God’s unconditional love and mercy. Teach her that her self-worth is not based on her sexual scorecard, but on who she is in Christ. And most of all, don’t take her sexual mistakes personally. It was most likely never about you. So be a sexually confident husband, and you’ll inspire her to be a sexually confident wife.

Richest blessings,
Shannon

P.S. I’d also encourage both you and your wife to read Part 2 in The Sexually Confident Wife called “Confronting Ghosts from the Past” – I think it will bring a lot more healing in your marriage bed!

It’s always interesting to see which information “sticks” with me after a conference. Just like anyone else, some nuggets of wisdom sink to the bottom of my brain, and others float to the top to guide my future thoughts.

As I continue reflecting on the amazing EveryWoman Conference at C3 Church in Sydney last weekend, the theme that continues to resonate with me most is something Pastor Chris Pringle shared in her message:

Mother Theresa was a great example of this. When she was invited to participate in an anti-war demonstration, she declined saying, “I don’t care to be in an anti-war march. But if you do a peace march, let me know.” She didn’t want to be known as a rebel of war. She wanted to be known as a revolutionary of peace.

When I first started speaking in 1996, I was definitely a rebel with a cause. “Abstinence until marriage” was my #1 theme. I wanted to save young people from themselves and their run-away sex drives. I laugh hysterically at that now. It’s not that I don’t still hope that single people save sex until marriage, for that is truly God’s best plan for our lives. But I’ve come to understand that there’s a much bigger picture to the ministry God has called me to.

It’s not just about saying “no” to pre-marital sex, unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity, broken hearts, etc. etc. It’s really about saying “yes” to a lifestyle of sexual integrity, sexual intimacy in marriage, and intimacy with God. It’s about fully becoming the glorious women (and men) God designed us to be. It’s about embracing our sexuality as a blessing rather than a burden, and being a good steward of it rather than squandering it or being afraid of it.

I don’t want to go down in history as a rebel. I want to be known as a revolutionary – a revolutionary for healthy sexuality and spirituality!

What about you? What part of the world are you called to revolutionize? Your church? Your children’s school? Your office environment? Your home?

Is your approach a negative one that leaves others feeling attacked or judged? If so, you may be seen by others as a rebel, and that’s most likely not the most effective approach. Try looking through a positive lens at how you can improve the situation. Pray about how you can equip and empower others to change for the better, and be a revolutionary that truly impacts the world for good!