Shannon’s SCW Blog

posted by Terrica

I have so much to say (and confess) on this topic that I don’t even know where to start!  I’ve actually been mulling it over in my head for weeks now.  But after catching today’s episode of Oprah spotlighting the cast of the Twilight Saga, I had to at least get the ball rolling…

Did anyone else see it?  Did anything stand out to you?  Did you find it unsettling?

Two particular statements got my attention, and by that I mean I suddenly sat up straighter, head cocked to the side, my face contorted in confusion and frustration.

#1-While questioning a group of moms about their obsession with all things Edward Cullen (the oh-so-romantic lead vampire in the books/movies who’s eternally smitten with Bella Swan, a human wanna-be vampire) Ally Wentworth tries to justify the obsession by saying, “It’s an escape, it’s a way to relive the passion of first love, and you’re not cheating!”

Um, ok.  Does that statement bother anyone else?  Seems to me that if you have to specify that something ‘isn’t cheating,’ there’s a problem.  Aside from Jesus taking the whole concept of lust to the level of ‘anyone who even looks at a woman (or man) lustfully has already committed adultery with them in their heart…’ (Matt 5:28), it immediately made me wonder how the husbands of those ladies must feel.

Cue unsettling comment #2.  Ally then went to the backyard to chat with the children of the ‘Twi-moms’.  When she asked them what they thought about the obsession one little girl piped up with,”My dad tells my mom, ‘You love Edward Cullen more than me!’ ”  Ugh.  Just typing that quote makes my stomach turn.

During the hour-long show as endless twi-crazed teenage girls, married women, moms, pre-teens (essentially women of every demographic) showcased their obsession, there were laughs, cheers, squeals, elated tears, blah, blah…  But I just wanted to vomit.  Now before anyone goes to stone me or gets defensive, let me admit right now that I DID, in fact, read the series.

The entire series.

In a week.

Last summer.

And I did wait in line to see New Moon when it came out.  (although not opening night…as if that makes it better)

I absolutely, without question, got lost in Twilight-land for a bit.  But I’m not sharing that particular story with you just yet…you’ll have to stay tuned to the blog for those juicy details.  Today as I watched Oprah, my mind kept going back to a vibrant 16-year-old girl I met at our El Paso event a few weeks ago.  Her name was Victoria, and she worked behind Shannon’s book table with me.  Over the course of the weekend she repeatedly told me how much she loved Every Young Woman’s Battle and how much it had helped and challenged her in regard to sexual and emotional integrity,  in a culture that celebrates the opposite.  As we were packing up our few remaining books Saturday evening to leave, out of sheer curiosity I asked her if she’d read the Twilight series.  She never even looked up at me, “Nope.”

I cocked my head to the side with a curious smile, “Why not?” I probed.

She didn’t miss a beat, “I don’t want to.  I think it sets girls up for disappointment.  It makes them hope for a love that’s never going to happen, not this side of heaven anyway.  No man on the planet will ever measure up.”

I was speechless.  Literally, speechless.  And SO unspeakably proud.  I almost wept with joy.

Here’s the thing ladies–God made us to respond to passion.  To wooing.  To desire.  He created us, as women, to physically and emotionally respond when pursued.  And that, is to be celebrated.  However. He did NOT create us to respond in such a manner to fictional characters.  In the pages of a book.  Vampires and werewolves, no less.  I mean, seriously?  Really?  Really.  Are we seriously giving our hearts away to that?  Oh man…if we are, we have definitely missed the point of living and breathing on this planet.  We have missed the very point of life.  And we certainly haven’t experienced true Love and Passion.

“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love.  With loving-kindness I have pursued you…” (Jeremiah 31:3)

“How precious are Your thoughts towards me, O God.  How vast is the sum of them!  Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand on the shore…” (Psalm 139: 17 & 18)

“Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away with Me…” (Song of Solomon 2:13)

Much more to come on this topic, including my story, testimonies from other women (and men) that will SHOCK you to the core, statistics, etc.  But before we dive into any of that, tell me your thoughts.  Am I alone in my sentiments?  Does anyone else feel this way?  Please, please tell me I’m not…

I want to introduce you to Terrica Smith (pictured here with her husband of 8 years-Josh), our new staff writer at Shannon Ethridge Ministries!

Terrica has served as my Events Manager for quite some time, although she originally came on board as my research assistant for the Sexually Confident Wife in the Spring of 2007. Having served in such capacities and traveled with me extensively the last few years, there’s no one I’d trust more to lend a slightly different, yet equally enthusiastic voice to my blog. She’s funny, down-to-earth, and her passion for life and marriage will no doubt inspire you! Lots to come from her in the weeks and months ahead, so keep an eye out! I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Shannon

P.S. We’ll also be showcasing a few of our current B.L.A.S.T. participants in the coming weeks, so look for them as well. To learn more about the B.L.A.S.T. program (Building Leaders, Authors, Speakers & Teachers) go to www.shannonethridge.com/blast

The Valentine-count-down clock is ticking, Ladies! With only hours left, it’s time to come up with some wonderfully creative ways to say “I LOVE YOU!” to your man. Here’s a few ideas to spur you on:

1. Leave a sexy love note in his underwear drawer. When he finds it the next morning, he’ll get a kick (or a rise) out of it.
2. Use a heart-shaped cookie cutter to make a light imprint on a slice of bread before you put it in the toaster. It comes out Valentine toast! Maybe even fill in the heart with red strawberry or raspberry jam!
3. Change the banner on his cell phone to say “Your Wife Loves You!” or “Gee, You’re Sexy!”
4. Rather than complaining about something he didn’t do, notice when he does something without asking and THANK him for it with a big hug and kiss. Everyone loves to feel appreciated.
5. Get a box of Red Hots and make a trail from the front door to the master bedroom for when he comes home from work. No doubt his curiosity will prevent him from getting sidetracked with mail and phone messages until AFTER he discovers his red hot wife at the end of that trail!
6. Look up what sporting events will air between now & Feb. 14th and record one on your DVR. Then on Valentine’s Day, tell him to relax with some snacks and watch the game while you relax in a bubble bath and give yourself a personal spa treatment. Who knows what will happen when you’re both done?!!
7. Plant a piece of his favorite candy on the passenger’s seat of his car with a note that reads, “Thanks for being so sweet!”
8. Use your lipstick or eyeliner to draw an arrow from any body part to any other body part, with instructions to your hubby that read, “Kiss me here!”
9. Create a coupon book of romantic dates and/or sexual activities, redeemable any time he’s ready. Make the last coupon “fill in the blank” style, so he can name his pleasure.
10. I’ll let YOU fill in the blank on #10 – join our blog at www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog and post YOUR great ways to say “I love you” to your Valentine!

Isn’t marriage GREAT!!!??? Thank you, God, for such an incredible blessing, and for freedom to enjoy each another so completely!

Wishing you lots of heart-racing romance and shameless sex in your marriage,
-Shannon

I’ve been working all afternoon in a Panera Bread restaurant in Southern California (if you haven’t tried their Fuji Apple Chicken Salad or their Turkey Artichoke Panini, you haven’t lived yet – I’ve had it for lunch or dinner 4 times over the past 5 days).  I praise God for how well the events of the past several days have gone while speaking at a local church over the weekend, and BIOLA University, & Talbot School of Theology all week.  But after 5 days of being away from my family, I’m eager to get tomorrow’s radio interviews with Jim Burn’s HomeWord program behind me so I can get on a plane and head HOMEWARD myself (even though the forecast is calling for snow and ice.  Better soak up the California sunshine while I can, huh?)  I’m determined to get home ASAP, because my daughter Erin leaves for Australia on Monday to study art for 10 months in Sydney.  I’ll miss her terribly.

But I’m so thankful that I have such rich, rewarding work to keep me occupied as my baby birds begin leaving the nest.  I’ve spent the past several hours watching videos from last month’s BLAST meeting & reflecting on how blessed I am to get to witness so many participants BLOSSOM!  We’re currently reading a book together called “Bird-by-Bird” by Anne Lamott, and she’s really inspiring me to look beyond what you THINK people are like, and consider what really lies beneath the surface.

For example, on the flight here last Friday, a man sat next to me that I initially feared would slit my throat.  He was an unshaven Asian man with a black leather jacket and stocking cap, who looked like he just stepped off a Hollywood set as the bad guy in a Jackie Chan movie.  I was famished by the time the stewardess passed out peanuts and pretzels, but somehow as soon as she got to me she had run completely out!  A steward was servicing the rows behind me, and when he got to my chair, he’d run out too!  I thought I’d have to starve throughout the 4-hour flight, or drink my weight in orange juice to survive.  Suddenly the Asian man realized what had happened, and he held out his two snack bags and kindly said, “Would you like mine?”  I was humbled.  Then he reached into his jacket pocket, and I wondered if he was about to pull out a plastic box cutter or an underwear bomb detonator device.  Instead, he brought out a small sketch pad and a charcoal pencil.  He was working on a tiger lily.  My favorite flower.  And I sat there contemplating how terribly wrong my first impression was… and what an interesting character he would make in a fiction novel.

After de-boarding I walked into the airport restroom where I encountered a stunning woman, impeccably dressed, acrylic nails clutched around her suitcase handle.  She radiated the kind of class that would give you the confidence to leave your newborn baby in her care while you tend to your bathroom business.  But then she went from stall to stall, opening door after door, and soon began ranting about how “There are NO PURSE HOOKS in this *#*%* airport, and with the kind of money I pay to fly I shouldn’t have to put my Gucci purse on the *#%#* floor!”  And that’s when I realized that if I’d had a newborn in tow, I’d have been better off letting the scruffy Asian man in the black leather jacket babysit.

You simply can’t judge a book by its cover, can you?
-Shannon

My writing desk overlooks beautiful rolling hills and towering pine trees, which is a lovely sight to behold.  But over the past two days, God’s given me a special gift outside my window.  Although it’s been pouring rain, a huge family of brilliant red cardinals has been frolicking in my front yard, pecking at the pine cones and chirping as if spring has already sprung.  I’ve counted at least 20 at one time.  When we open the front door they scatter, filling the sky with what looks like tiny red Christmas ornaments flying around magically.  Within minutes, however, they always return to my yard to entertain me at my desk once again.

In case you didn’t know this about me, I’ve always considered the sight of a cardinal as God’s way of assuring me that He’s ever-present and in control.  Their bright red feathers reminds me that the bright red blood that Jesus shed is sufficient to cure whatever ails me, and that if God cares for even these tiny, frail creatures, surely He’ll continue caring for me.

This gift of a whole yard full of cardinals comes at a much-needed time in my history.  In 10 days, my almost-18-year-old daughter flies to Australia to study visual arts at a Christian college for the next 10 months.  We’ve known about this plan for 18 months, so it’s not like it’s sneaking up on us.  I’m truly excited for her as she fulfills this dream.  But I confess that the idea of not having my baby girl here beneath my own wing is a thought that has brought many tears lately.  I know all baby birds need to fly from the nest someday, and she’s definitely strong enough to soar.  But I know this Mama Bird’s going to feel the loss something terrible.

So when you read this, would you please pray that Jesus would continue sending  signs to remind me He’s in control?  Reminding me that He hasn’t just got His eye on the sparrow, but also on the cardinal, and on my own baby bird, Erin, as she flies to the other side of the world?

Many thanks,

Shannon

P.S.  Special thanks to one of my BLAST participants, Holly, for sending the following video clip about this exact season that I’m going through.  Moms of children all ages, you’ll enjoy this immensely!

I came across this video recently, and knew immediately I wanted to share it with my readers.  My first reaction?  I wanted to scratch this woman’s eyes out.  She made me want to vomit with disgust.  However, my second reaction?  I realized who she reminded me of…

ME… long ago… in my much wilder days, of course.  Praise God for complete transformations!!!

As you watch, resist the urge to choke “Erin.”  Instead, let the Holy Spirit lovingly reveal if there is ANY “Erin” in YOU!

http://www.worshiphousemedia.com/mini-movies/1687/After-Hours

Shannon

In one of my recent blogs Greg and I were traveling down memory lane at Disney World.  We’ll be taking another trip down memory lane on April 15-18th, and we want to invite YOU to come along with us!  To The Castle at Glen Eyrie Retreat Center in Colorado Springs!

Here are three reasons why we’re so excited about this “Maximizing Intimacy” event:

1. If you’ve never been to Glen Eyrie, you’re in for a spectacular surprise!  It’s nestled next to Garden of the Gods National Park, among majestic mountains and towering spruce trees, with a magnificent castle where events are hosted and meals are served.  It’s like stepping back in time to an incredibly magical place – a place you’ll never forget!  Fantastic memories will definitely be made there!
2. We’ve led retreats at Glen Eyrie several times before, and God has been so faithful to touch the hearts of every couple involved!  Whether you’re hanging on by a thread, or just looking to go from “good” to “great,” you’ll walk away from this retreat refreshed and energized to make your marriage everything you want it to be!
3. This time I have the awesome privilege of speaking alongside my writing partner, Fred Stoeker, best-selling author of the Every Man’s Battle series and several other books.  The wisdom he brings to the table is invaluable for both the men and the women!

Registration is extremely limited (Glen Eyrie likes to keep their retreats relatively small and intimate), so sign up soon!
http://www.gleneyrie.org/max

Looking forward to seeing you there,
Shannon & Greg

THINK AGAIN!

Step 1 -  Check out this encouraging article:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1239347/Kate-Winslet-tops-poll-desirable-celebrity-bodies.html

Step 2 – Praise God for your fantastic curves!

Step 3 – Blow your husband’s mind tonight by SHARING those curves with HIM!

I’m writing this Hot Tip from Disney World!  We came here for my niece’s wedding, but we also had an ulterior motive.  We have a tradition in our family – “Disney every decade!”  This is where Greg and I came on our honeymoon in 1990.  Ten years later, in 2000, we brought an 8-year old daughter and a 5-year old son for fun with Mickey & Minnie.  Now here we are again, in 2010, with an almost 18-year old Erin, and an almost-15 year old Matthew, and our 20^th wedding anniversary is just around the corner.

As we took pictures holding up the big golf-ball-looking-thing at Epcot, I remembered Greg and I standing there for our first honeymoon picture as newlyweds.  As our gondola glided through the hydroponic greenhouse display, I remember Greg dreaming out loud, “That’s what I want to do someday!”  And as the brilliantly colored fireworks exploded over our heads at closing time, I remembered the feelings I’d felt watching them before – first, with my newlywed husband, and second, with my amazing family.

This trip down memory lane has been GREAT for our marriage.  Just like any other wife, there’ve been a few days over the past 20 years that I’ve wondered, “And WHY did I marry this man?”  Returning to our honeymoon spot has been a wonderful reminder.  I married Greg because of his faith in God… his love for me… his dreams for our family… and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.

Take your own stroll down memory lane soon — if not physically, then mentally.  Read letters you sent to each other when you were dating.  Look at your wedding pictures.  Recall some of the magical memories you’ve made together.  Instead of recounting recent marital nightmares, remember the hopes you held in your heart for a happy marriage, and celebrate those dreams that HAVE come true!

Wishing you a sweet stroll down memory lane,
-Shannon

With every New Year comes a new resolution — or more appropriately for me, a new attempt at keeping the same old resolution: to control my sugar addiction rather than letting it control me.

The holidays are always the worst time for sugar binges with all of the decadent desserts coming at me from every direction. Come January I’m usually so burned out on sugar that I’m ready for a drastic change… until around January 3rd or 4th, when I find myself craving yet another frosted brownie or slice of pecan pie.

In 2008, I made it through mid-March before breaking down for a chocolate-chip cookie. Then it was down-hill the rest of the year. I was pretty proud of myself for lasting that long, but disappointed that I didn’t make it through the whole year like I’d promised myself. In 2010, it’s my goal to put my big girl panties on and make a real and lasting lifestyle change – to enjoy only an occasional sweet with great moderation. No more “all or nothing” mentality that sets me up for failure. I’m determined to break the habit of ending every meal with something sweet. (Yes, I’ve even ended breakfast many times with a dessert of some sort). But then, if I attend a wedding, I’m going to at least taste the cake! I’m just not going to eat a piece the size of New York, or go back for seconds or thirds, or go home after the wedding and binge on even more sugar because I’ve “already blown my diet today anyway.”

I’m going to try a more sensible approach. I plan on filling my diet full of such good stuff that there’s not a lot of room left for junk food. But on those special occasions where I’d feel completely deprived if I didn’t indulge a little, I’m shooting for approximately 200 calories worth of something sweet, not 2,000 calories of mindless munching. Come Valentine’s Day, I’ll eat a little chocolate. Just not enough to put me in a sugar coma for the next 4 hours.

Why the determination to tame the sugar monster? Because I’ve noticed something really scary happens to me when I’m eating sugar without moderation. For example:

• that’s all I crave. Neither fruits, vegetables, nor proteins sound good to me while I’m “chasing sugar” most of the time.
• I lay awake for several hours in the middle of the night, perhaps due to the hypoglycemia that my doctor told me I’d developed a while back.
• As I lay awake, I feel anxious… stressed… and angry that I can’t sleep when I know my body needs the rest.
• I’m groggy throughout the day, without a lot of energy to commit to important tasks & relationships. Depression can slowly seep in, which often leads me back to the cookie jar, and it becomes a vicious cycle.
• Throughout the night, I keep waking up with my throat feeling like a desert waste-land. (That’s “desert” as in “sand dunes,” not “dessert” as in “bowl of ice cream.”) I lay awake feeling so dehydrated that I can’t drink enough water to moisturize my throat.

And all of this has got me thinking lately… If sugar dehydrates my throat so badly, what is it doing to the rest of my body? Is that why my eyes often feel like sand paper? Why my skin feels so dry and tight? What else might sugar be wreaking havoc on?

And then I recall how many women email me with complaints about their “well running dry” — how vaginal dryness can rob them of their sexual pleasure. I can’t help but wonder if our unhealthy diets have anything to do with our lack of sexual interest?! Could there be a connection between how women stereotypically “love chocolate” but “hate sex?”

It’s a hard question to face, but let’s consider it for a moment. HAS sugar become such an addiction for some of us that it’s robbed us of things we never realized, such as restful sleep, mental sanity, emotional sobriety, highly-functioning organs and metabolic processes, etc.? Can we really be our best selves when we’re under the influence of any harmful substance, even one as “socially acceptable” as sugar? And if it’s true what researchers say about white sugar being as addictive as cocaine, could our sweet tooth be keeping us from becoming the Sexually Confident Wives we desire to be?

Maybe I’m just preaching to myself here. Then again, maybe I’m not alone. No temptation seizes us but what is common (1 Corinthians 10:13), and sugar is one of the most common ingredients in our diets.

If sugar HAS become an issue for you, would you like to join me in trying to conquer its’ addictive grip on our lives? If not, would you just pray for me that I can get a grip myself?

Wishing you a Sweet 2010,
Shannon