While we can only speculate, this current event inspired one of my BLAST participants, Rebecca Larson, to pen the following blog post.  Thanks, Rebecca, for sharing your insightful words of encouragement for all of us gals, both married and single!

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Kim Kardashian posted a note to her fans today on her website and it struck a chord with me.

… First and foremost I married for love. I can’t believe I even have to defend this…Everyone knows I am a hopeless romantic! I love with all of my heart and soul. I want a family and babies and a real life so badly that maybe I rushed into something too soon. I believe in love and the dream of what I wanted so badly. I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster and couldn’t get off when now I know I probably should have. I got caught up in the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn’t know how to and I didn’t want to disappoint a lot of people… I’m being honest here and I hope you respect my courage because this isn’t ready to go through. But I do know that I have to follow my heart. I never had the intention of hurting anybody and I accept full responsibility for my actions and decisions, and for taking everyone on this journey with me. It just didn’t turn out to be the fairy tale I had so badly hoped for… I’m sorry if I hurt anyone, but my dad always told me to follow my heart and I believe now that I really am.

I do not have first hand experience with what she said, but my husband does, so I wanted to share a little bit about his story.

Back in 2002, my husband thought he had found the girl of his dreams. Physically, she was everything he had ever wanted. Emotionally, they clicked. Spiritually, she was a beautiful reflection of Christ and His love. So, a couple months after entering into a relationship with her, my husband asked his dream girl to marry him. She said yes and they spent a little over a year planning an extravagant and fairy tale like wedding.

Just three months after pledging to spend their lives together, my husband was devastated by his bride’s decision to leave the marriage. He begged and pleaded, offered to go to counseling and even got desperate and dramatic, but her mind was made up. She had to “follow her heart.” She gave a lot of different reasons to my husband and her friends and acquaintances, but in the end, I believe it was just as Kim said. You get caught up and then can’t find a way to end it.

Almost all little girls dream about our wedding day. We think about the dress we will wear and the flowers we will hold. We imagine the perfect man waiting for us at the altar, but, in our imaginations, we rarely go beyond that special moment. We don’t dream about blending our life with the life of another human being. We don’t fantasize about morning breath or toe nail clippings. We love the idea of being swept off of our feet but do we love the idea of truly doing life with another person day in and day out?

My husband told me a thousand times while we were engaged, “plan for the marriage, not just the wedding.” He had learned his lesson and was wiser for it. His heart ached for a long time. He felt duped by the girl of his dreams (who turned out to be anything but) and forsaken by the God that he served faithfully. However, when I met my husband in the summer of 2006 (two years after dream girl left), he was a strong man who had been refined by the fire and understood what it meant to pledge forever.

We have to slow things down. We have to be prayerful about all things; especially huge, life altering decisions like marriage. We can’t give up easily. We have to know what kind of commitment we are making and stick to it. Trust me, you will be blessed.

We live in a society that stresses fierce independence and dogged self absorption, but that won’t get us anywhere. Love cannot be displayed, given or received in a world full of people who only care about themselves. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9) Sometimes following our hearts, as much as we think it will make us feel better, is absolutely the wrong thing to do; especially when we have hardened our hearts to God’s loving regulations for our lives.

Divorce, in this situation (in the absence of marital unfaithfulness or any sort of abuse), is sin. There are consequences for sin. Ask dream girl. I don’t know her personally, but we have mutual friends and I know that it was a long road toward restoration and wholeness for her. God loves his children and just as a human parent disciplines their own child, so does God. Revelation 3:19a says “Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline.” Not everything that is good for us, whether it is being disciplined or sticking it out and working very hard to make a relationship work, is pain free, pleasant and enjoyable. In fact, I would go as far to say that the things in my life that have been the most painful, unpleasant and unenjoyable are the same things that have made me into all of the good things that I am today. (Check out Hebrews 12)

My heart is broken over this news about Kim Kardashian. Anytime a heart is broken and a marriage is ended, it is sad. It is hard to imagine that kind of pain. But you know what? My God is a God of love, forgiveness and restoration. God loves Kim K. and His heart is aching right along with hers.

He loves you as well! In all of your struggles and sin and bad decisions and heartache, He longs for restoration for you. He wants a relationship with you. He wants to love you like you’ve never been loved before.

If you are struggling right now; if you feel like you have made a mistake and simply got caught up in the loveliness of an idea, know that if you follow Him, He can make it work. If you are currently on that roller coaster and feel like it is too late to get off (engaged and not yet married), know that it is not too late. Slow down and plan for your life together. Think about the devastation you will leave behind if you wait any longer than you really should.

In the end, it all boils down to making the choice to simply love – unconditionally. We are loved deeply by the Originator and Creator of love. There is nothing we have done or can do that will ever change that. It is a matter of accepting His love first, and then turning around and sharing that love with your marriage partner.

And although I preach endlessly against making comparisons, I did “go there.”  Only because I knew that Greg would come out smelling like a freshly plucked rose.

Kyle struck up a simple conversation.  Greg struck me over 20 years ago as a man I simply couldn’t live without.

Kyle had extended his hand with interest.  Greg had asked for my hand in marriage.

Kyle was offering a single lunch.  Greg has offered me his entire life.

Kyle was willing to give me the time of day.  Greg is willing to give me all the days he has remaining.

Kyle may have wanted a little afternoon delight, no strings attached.  Greg wants to delight me every afternoon that he can, and doesn’t mind the strings at all.

Kyle wanted to lead me down a dangerous detour.  Greg wants to lead me down life’s path with honor, dignity, and integrity.

Kyle was in search of stirring up some relational intensity with me.  Greg is in search of stirring up genuine intimacy with me.

Sure, Greg has his flaws.  His introverted nature can drive this social butterfly a little stir crazy at times.  He leaves whisker shavings on the bathroom counter and dirty dishes in the kitchen sink on occasion.  He snores.  He forgets.  He doesn’t read my mind, doesn’t do things the same way I would.  But he’s there.  He’s there every day, longing for my love, there every night happy to do nothing more than sleep in the bed next to me if that’s all I have energy for.

He loves me.  This flawed man daily chooses to love this flawed woman.  And I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet.

Conclusion:  Why would I jeopardize the startling beauty of the life we’ve built together?  Why would I want chopped steak when I have Select Sirloin at home?

It just wouldn’t make sense.  In fact, it would be sheer stupidity.

So before you let some sweet talking stranger or any other man woo you into stroking his ego (or any other body part), remember the huge sacrifices our husbands have made to make us the women that we are today — the weeks and months he pursued you with honest intentions… the years he’s worked hard to provide a good life for his family… the overwhelming (sometimes paralyzing) desire he carries in his heart to prove himself worthy of your love… the multiple ways he teaches your children what it means to be loved by a father, by The Father… How desperately the little boy trapped inside that grown man’s body longs to be affirmed, respected, and celebrated by the special woman that he has dreamed of, longed for, prayed over, and pledged his entire life to.

Yes, that would be you, girlfriend.

YOU hold the power to make or break that man’s life.

I hope you’ll choose to make it.

Despite loud protests of “I’m going to do things better!” how are we fairing?  Often the awkward moments with our parents discussing sex (or not discussing it at all) come rushing back to haunt us.  The fears of “What does my child already know?, “What if I tell them too much!” and “How can I keep the lines of communication open?” seem to churn through our mind like a washing machine spinning out of balance.  As parents, the last thing we want to ponder is “how did our kids go from ‘cute and innocent’ to ‘got-it-all-together expert’ overnight?”

The difference between when we were kids and now is not too hard to see, however many of us have become desensitised to what has actually happened over the last 40 years.  The web has completely rebooted the world.  For instance, ‘Amazon’ has changed the way we shop; ‘EBay’ has changed the way we sell; ‘Google’ has changed the way we find information; ‘YouTube’ has changed the way we share experiences; ‘blogging’ has changed the way we share our thoughts and ‘Facebook’ has changed the way we relate to each other.  Technology has shifted culture.

Gen X (parents of teens) were introduced to and wowed by technology… Gen Y has experienced and expect exponential advance… Gen Z (our kids) believe technology just ‘is’. Gen Z have never known life without the vast array of superefficient, ever advancing, ‘simple to use’ and ‘couldn’t live without’ technology.  A great deal of technology is incredibly beneficial; however there are some pitfalls we need to be aware of when raising healthy teens to make smart choices about sex.

In dealing with the downside of media and technology, ask yourself a couple of questions.  What messages has your child picked up about their worth?  When they watch music clips, what are they being told about how they dress?  When they hear another report on the news about rape, what message are they receiving about the value placed on another human being?  When they see advertisements with men and women presented as sex symbols, how can parents effectively tell them about the beautiful gift of sexuality and intimacy?

These are messages no one can escape, so use them as learning points with your kids.  Recently my youngest was watching music clips, usually listened to on her radio, but the imagery adds a whole other level of meaning.  Bumping and grinding with minimal clothes is a soft porn message I don’t want her to absorb.  So I asked her how it made her feel.  “Uncomfortable.”  This was the perfect opportunity to suggest that if it makes her feel yucky on the inside, it was up to her to switch it off.  She needs to develop strategies to recognize unhealthy viewing.

The influence of pornography on Gen Z is far-reaching.  If we want to raise sons and daughters who have a healthy respect for themselves, others and sexuality, we need to be discussing sex topics.  The biggest concern I hear from parents is they are worried about telling their kids too much too soon.  I say, take a deep breath and dive right in.  It’s far better to tell them in age appropriate increments and allow them to ask questions, than have their first knowledge of sex come from an episode of the latest sitcom or a flash encounter with an adult-only site.

In a healthy safe environment, kids take in what they are ready for.  If it’s too much information, just like an overdose of vitamins, they won’t absorb it.  However viewing inappropriate visual images leaves a biochemical imprint on the brain, so they need a safe place to come and discuss if this occurs.  It’s important you have firmly established yourself as a reliable authority on sexuality prior to teenage years, when both peers and porn culture have the potential to become the dominating voice.

Parents have more power than what they give themselves credit for.  Consider these statistics:

• A recent survey indicated that eight out of ten teens say it would be much easier to delay sexual activity and avoid teen pregnancy if they were able to have more open, honest conversations about these topics with their parents.
• Six in ten teens wish they were able to talk more openly about relationships with their parents.

You can preserve the emotional and physical wellbeing of your teen by talking to them about what it takes to recognize, develop, and maintain a healthy relationship.

On the flip side, if the only message teens receive about sex is from peers or media (which places no importance on intimacy or sexual wellbeing) they have the potential to engage in early sexual activity, have more sexual partners, be at greater risk for STIs and engage in other high risk behaviors such as taking drugs and binge drinking.

Use every-day opportunities for learning experiences, such as advertisements on the back of toilet doors.  Ask your teen if they know the facts about chlamydia or human papilloma virus (and be sure you know the answers before you ask.)  It’s imperative our young people are aware of sexually transmitted infections, screening, and contraceptive use (along with their failure rates in preventing both unplanned pregnancy and infections).   Since the sexual revolution in the sixties, STIs have skyrocketed from 1 in 50 sexually active people contracting an STI to now 1 in 4.  It turns out our youth aren’t bullet proof, with around 70% of STI cases in the 15 – 24 year old age bracket.  Some of these are viral and remain for life; others are treatable with antibiotics yet can leave a young person infertile if undetected.

Talk about sex when the learning opportunity presents itself and give them full permission to ask questions.  It doesn’t have to be an indepth discussion.  Give bite-sized pieces which leave them hungry to come back for more.  Flipping out over something ‘shocking’ is a sure way to close the door on further conversations, so be mindful of any personal hang-ups which may need to be addressed in order for you to be more effective.

Keep a watchful eye on any boyfriend / girlfriend break-ups and how it makes them feel.  It might seem like harmless ‘puppy love,’ but emotional baggage can sometimes lead to feelings of depression and worthlessness.  It’s important to reassure your teen of how valuable they are as an individual and to offer support, regardless of what they are going through.

In amongst all this, aim to be the loudest voice in your teen’s life without the “blah, blah, blah.”  Talking about how beautiful sex can be in an intimate relationship gives them an appreciation of its value.

Despite common myths, young people don’t run out and have sex when it’s discussed in a healthy learning environment.  If teens know sex holds incredible value in creating a loving and trusting bond within a committed relationship, they are more likely to wait for emotional and cognitive maturity before participating in this important life decision.

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Liz Walker is an author, speaker and graduate student in Sexual Health through Sydney University.  The work she does with youth include educational presentations on sexuality for both teens and parents, and training community members such as youth support workers, teachers and suitably qualified volunteers to implement GET A GRIP teenz™: a self-awareness & educational program on life, relationships and the body.  Liz blogs on teen sexual health and relationships at http://girlzfreedom.wordpress.com/ and information about the GET A GRIP Youth Wellbeing Project can be found at www.getagripteenz.com

I’d been on my way to school that previous August, putting lipstick on in the rearview mirror when our two worlds collided — literally.  Within seconds a bicycle would burst through the windshield of my Plymouth Champ, Marjorie Jarstfer’s lifeless body would land on the side of the road, and an overwhelming tidal wave of emotion would sweep me up in its unrelenting current.  Shock… denial… anger… grief… self-loathing… they all shrouded my existence for the next several months.  I believed that if I didn’t cave into my frequent thoughts of suicide, what remained of my life would surely be a living hell.  But Marjorie’s husband, Gary, did all he could to make sure that wasn’t the case.

The first invitation into his home came immediately after the accident.

He wanted to personally express his forgiveness and speak blessings over my life, “passing Marjorie’s legacy of being a godly woman” on to me.  I assumed he was simply as in shock as I was, but that he’d soon come to his senses and unleash his wrath over my negligence.  However, shortly thereafter he insisted that all charges of involuntary manslaughter be dropped without a trial.  He also rejected a lawyer’s suggestion to sue my family for more money than our insurance company covered.  Over and over he had opportunities to pursue justice, but he consistently chose mercy instead.

But he didn’t just let me off the hook legally and financially.  He ministered to me emotionally and spiritually.  In the coming months, he visited me at work on occasion.  He sent newsletters keeping me updated on his volunteer work with Wycliffe Bible Translators.  He called one year later to joyfully announce his re-marriage to Betty Ann, a long-time friend who’d also lost her husband in a tragic car accident just weeks before Marjorie was killed.  Together, they “adopted” me into the family.

I have relationships with several of their adult children, and some of

their grandchildren even call me “Aunt Shannon.”   Astounds me every time

I think of it.

Now we’re ringing in 2011, twenty six years after that accident, and I couldn’t bear the thought of NOT seeing Gary Jarstfer.  On our way to Williamsburg, Virginia for the holidays, we scheduled an extra couple of days in North Carolina to visit him & Betty Ann.  We toured the Wycliffe Bible Translators base and marveled at the work the Jarstfer’s have been involved in all these years.

I wish I’d had a video camera rolling when I walked through their front door.  They both beamed with joy, and the twinkle in Gary’s eye made me feel like I was the most beloved person on earth.  I know he doesn’t see a murderer when he looks at me.  He sees a daughter.

Through Gary’s amazing example, I’ve come to believe that surely this is how God sees us too.  No matter what we’ve done in past years… the pain we’ve caused other people… the grievousness of our actions… the consequences of our carelessness… God welcomes us into His heart and home.

May you embrace this truth completely throughout 2011, and every year beyond that!

Shannon Ethridge, M.A.
Author and Advocate for Healthy Sexuality & Spirituality
www.shannonethridge.com
www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com

Almost nineteen years ago, I eagerly awaited Erin Elizabeth Ethridge’s arrival for nine months, and was delighted when I finally got to hold her in my arms.

I’ve been eagerly awaiting her arrival this time for TEN months, so I’ve felt like I’m a month overdue!  Erin has been studying art in Sydney, Australia since February, and we couldn’t ask for a better Christmas present to have her home with us again!  We basked in each others’ presence over hot tea and chex mix last night, and have spent all day rearranging furniture, unpacking suitcases, and helping her re-establish her life here at home.

The following was written by our dear friend Terrica Smith on her blog, www.terricajoy.com, describing my daughter’s homecoming.  I couldn’t have said it better myself, so I’ll let her say it…

VIVID LIFE

She gets it.  She completely, absolutely gets it.

Last night, sitting in the dark of the backseat, I smiled listening to her chatter.  We had just picked her up from the airport after a 24-hour journey home from Australia where she spent ten months studying the Arts in Sydney.  Shannon and I had both been giddy with excitement for days, anticipating the blissful simplicity of having her back in our world.  We had all been fully supportive (and quite impressed) with her decision to move across the globe in the first place, but there was no denying that we’d missed her desperately.  Skype had worked wonders in keeping us connected, at least somewhat, but to have her home now….sheer, inexplicable joy.

I didn’t need to say much.  She already knew.  So instead we just asked her a few questions about her final days and hours in Sydney, and listened, simply content that she was actually present with us.

I can’t fully explain what it feels like to connect with another person on a soul level.  I think writers and musicians have been trying to express those sentiments for centuries.  It’s something that happens almost magically, and try as we might, we can’t recreate it or construct it on our own.  What I can say, is that when you encounter it, cling to it with all that’s in you…because it’s rare.  And invaluable.

She shared that her last night, she and her roommate didn’t sleep.  They stayed up all night writing going away letters and talking, and then before dawn walked down to the beach to watch the sunrise over the ocean.  And then in a moment of spontaneity, decided to swim.  In the freezing waters of the Tasman sea.  In their pajamas.  As the sun rose quietly and dolphins played in the distance.

And I smiled.  God.  Life.  Love.  Living.  She gets it.  She completely, absolutely gets it.

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If you’d like to check out some of Erin’s amazing artwork, go to www.burnt-sienna.tumblr.com

Walking in My Shoes for a Week

I’m sipping a Starbuck’s vanilla chai latte at the Houston International Airport after a wonderful conference weekend in Guanajuato, Mexico.  The weather in the mountainside city was cool, the hospitality warm, and the spiritual climate hot, hot, hot!  (or caliente, caliente, caliente!)

One of the many things that made this trip unique was that I had a new traveling companion.  Suze Stirling has been participating in the online BLAST mentorship program (Building Leaders, Authors, Speakers & Teachers) since September.  She chose to accompany me on this trip, raising her own financial support to cover the cost of her airfare.  I was impressed with her commitment, and blessed by her presence, both behind the book table and behind the scenes.  And I also enjoyed watching reality hit this aspiring speaker as she got an intimate look at the life of a traveling speaker.

Her previous impressions may have been something like, “Wow!  That looks like a sweet deal!  Fame, fortune, and fun as she travels to interesting places, meets new people, soaks up the spotlight, signs autographs, poses for group photos, and pockets the profits from a plethora of book sales!”  (Actually, I know this Moody Bible Institute grad to be much deeper than that, but I’m pretty sure that’s what a lot of others likely assume.)  But here’s just a few of the things we encountered that’s most likely given Suze a much more balanced view of what’s required of a speaker…

• 5 days prior to departure my laptop crashed, along with all of my Spanish powerpoint slides (which aren’t easily reproduced since I don’t speak Spanish).  After four days and almost $400 paid to the Geek Squad, I managed to retrieve the files and get them updated just hours before heading to the airport.
• The weekend before the conference I realized that the power cord to my credit card machine was missing.  I must have left it in Miami last month.  My husband plays the hero and finds a replacement online.  We pay a small fortune to have it expedited just in time for this event.
• During this same “week-from-hell” we realize we are running low on our Spanish book inventory, so I place a rush order with my publisher and pay a pretty penny for expedited shipping.  (Yes, authors have to buy their own books, just like bookstore owners do.)  It arrived after sundown the night before our departure, so we spent a considerable amount of time in the cold garage counting, packing, and weighing 200 pounds of books, re-distributing them numerous times before we came up with 4 neatly packed 50-lb. bundles to satisfy airline requirements.
• As the clock ticked on that night, I’m crunching numbers on my calculator, auditing and adjusting the publisher’s invoices, preparing the declaration forms, and calculating the import taxes due upon arrival.  The last thing we need after all of this trouble would be for us to get our books confiscated by the Mexican Customs Department.
• We arrive at the airport and are informed by American Airlines that they do not accept “embargo” at this time.  In other words, all of our carefully packed bins and boxes can’t fly.  They have to be in suitcases.  We bat our eyelashes and hope for mercy.  No luck.  We’re 2 hours away from home with less than 2 hours until flight time, so a friend makes a mad dash to Wal-Mart for the cheapest duffle bags made, while we sweat bullets wondering if she’s going to make it back in time to allow us (and our books) to make our flight.  Victory, with only seconds to spare before we get left behind.
• We arrive in Mexico to a warm welcome, and a hefty tax of 16% on all books.  This tax must be paid whether the books sell or not, so it’s always a gamble as to whether or not we brought just the right amount of books – not too many, nor too few.
• So here we are in Mexico with 4 huge suitcases of books and 2 personal suitcases, and two sweet, tiny women arrive to transport us to the hotel… in a Ford Fiesta.  We tip a guy $50 pesos to help us cram 6 suitcases and 4 women into a car built to hold half of that.  Suze and I hold two 50-lb. suitcases in our laps in the back seat.  Ah, making memories together!
• We are taken to a nice Holiday Inn Express.  During our 10 p.m. dinner I offer a praise report to Suze that I’ve NEVER had to miss a speaking event because of sickness.  Not in 15 years.  Suze is amazed and knocks on wood.  Then I awake at 1:50 a.m. feeling sicker than a dying dog.  Nauseous stomach.  Splitting headache.  Watery eyes, cotton mouth.  Room spinning.  Altitude sickness, I deduce.  I drink my weight in water (in spite of all the “Don’t drink the water!” warnings running through my memory bank from previous trips to foreign countries).  I lay there for 3 hours wondering how to say “Do you have any aspirin?” in Spanish before I finally wake Suze up and ask if she knows.  Fortunately she packed ibuprofen.  60 minutes later the alarm sounds, and I feel recuperated enough to shower up and face the world with a dazzling smile (for those of you who remember that expression from the toothpaste commercial).
• We arrive at the conference lugging our 200 pounds of books (in high heels up cobblestone pathways), ready to sell to the 2,000 women in attendance.  Then we discover that our credit card machine won’t work in a foreign country.  Great.  Rushed that danged power cord delivery for nothing.  But with some ingenuity, we manage to process payments online using my laptop.  A borrowed internet stick saves the day.
• Back at the hotel that night, we count pesos.  $24,696.  Sounds like a lot, huh?  Translated into U.S. dollars, it’s $2,002.  Then we calculate credit card payments of around $400, for a total of $2,402.   Then we add together the total amount paid to the publisher for the book inventory, the shipping charges, the baggage fees, the additional suitcases expense, and the taxes paid at customs.  It comes to $2,200, for a net profit of a whopping $202.  Suze is shocked, and I suspect her “fame and fortune” bubble has just been popped.  But we celebrate the fact that we at least “broke even.”

It would be easy for someone to say, “All of those headaches, hoops to jump through, and overhead expenses — It’s simply not worth it!”  Well, if you’re thinking of becoming a speaker or author for the money, you are absolutely right.  It’s not worth it.  You’d do about as well selling corny dogs at the State Fair, or selling junk on E-bay.  But selling corny dogs or junk won’t reap the kinds of rewards that we reap on a weekend such as this.  For example…

• We fell in love with our hosts, Judith Almanza and family!  Amazing how you can spend 48 hours with a total stranger and leave there feeling as if you were surely twins separated at birth.
• I took great joy sharing from the stage about how God has so gently and graciously taught me about sexual integrity, sexual intimacy in marriage, and spiritual intimacy with Him.  The crowd is incredibly responsive, laughing when I hoped they would, and crying more than they probably thought they would when they left home that morning.
• We witnessed a room of over 300 teenagers submit dozens of anonymous questions about healthy sexuality and how to save sex until marriage.  Their hunger for truth and guidance makes us feel as if we’re doing the most important work in the world.
• Through a translator we listen to story after story… from the women who have already read one of the Every Woman’s Battle books, and how they believe it has saved their marriage… or those that have been sexually abused in the past and wonder if Every Woman’s Marriage could really help them overcome the sexual inhibitions that have driven their husbands away… or the ladies who also lived a promiscuous lifestyle in the past, and are wondering if their emotional needs could really be met by the God they’ve perceived as being so distant.  What a joy to watch HOPE birthed in their eyes!!!
• Although we could freely communicate with less than 10% of the women (those who were bi-lingual), we realized that the spirit of God transcends language barriers!  We received hundreds of smiles, hugs, cheek kisses, and teary-eyed declarations of “Gracias!” and “Dios te bendiga!” (“Thank you!” and “God bless you!”)
• Suze snaps photos during our closing ceremony as a “sea of white” unfurls before our eyes.  Every woman in the convention center waves her “white flag of surrender” (a Kleenex) to her Heavenly bridegroom, declaring the acceptance of her role as the beloved bride of Christ!
• We stroll the streets of the stunningly beautiful Guanajuato that night, in awe of the amazing architecture and festive mood.  “Always a party!” Judith declares about her hometown, as a 10-man mariachi band and an 80-something-year-old dancing matriarch entertains us on the downtown square.   Makes us wish our American culture could only be as carefree.  Then we enjoy another late-night dinner at a family-favorite restaurant, and although we discover there’s a BIG difference between “authentic Mexican” and “Tex-Mex” food, we savor the local flavors and soak up the remaining minutes we have with our beloved host family.
• In spite of the rock-hard mattresses and all of the big restaurant meals we’ve ingested, we sleep like babies that night, knowing that we’ve done all we humanly could to advance God’s kingdom on that particular day.  We wonder how many women we’ll see in Heaven who’s read one of our books, or attended one of our conferences in her lifetime.  It puts a smile on our faces, and a deep sense of gratitude in our hearts.  I go to sleep praying, “Oh, God!  THANK YOU that this is how I get to spend my time on earth!”

So if God has put a message in your heart, and you’re entertaining thoughts of becoming a speaker or writer, I’d simply ask you this one question:

Is your goal to be a celebrity, or a servant?

If you answer the former, perhaps you should just consider doing something really outrageous to get your own reality TV show.  Fame and fortune will come much faster traveling that road.  But if your goal is to be a “prophet” rather than a “profiteer,” then look past the hard work, headaches, and overhead expenses and DO IT!

If you’re like me, someday you’ll be so glad you did.

P.S.  I just learned that my connecting flight home has been delayed by 2 hours.  I’ll miss the special dinner outing planned with visiting family members.  Headache #1,001 for this trip.  But who’s counting? 

Earlier this week I sent out a Tweet/Facebook update that I was running away with Jesus for a 5-day “Mad-Sad-Glad” Sabbatical, which garnered much interest in what that actually looks like.

Perhaps you’ve wondered, “Hey, do I need to go away to get mad, sad, & glad too?”

While I can’t answer that question for you, I can tell you a bit about what led me to do this retreat, some of how I did it, and the freedom that results from such an experience.  I’ll break this down into several blog posts so that you won’t be overwhelmed by it all!

Recognize the Signs

What would lead a person to feel like they need such a sabbatical?  By the way, that word sabbatical is from the word “Sabbath,” which means “a holy time set aside for rest, reflection, and rejuvenation.”  (My definition, not Webster’s.)

My first clue was that there have been some things lingering in my heart/mind over the past couple of years that I’ve simply not been able to shake, no matter how hard I tried.  Talking with friends didn’t grant relief.  Fasting didn’t work.  Praying didn’t cut it.  Declaring it “dealt with” fell short.  These feelings clung to my soul like a wad of bubble gum stuck to my shoe, following me around everywhere I went.  Are there things that you can’t seem to let go of, no matter how hard you try?

My second clue was that I’d felt extremely tired, even exhausted sometimes, even though according to the clock I was getting plenty of sleep (on the nights when I actually slept – other nights, I’d lay awake ruminating over all that had been bothering me for so long).  Are your sleep patterns being disturbed, or do you feel emotionally or physically exhausted most of the time?

My third (and most undeniable) clue was that I was having an increasingly difficult time controlling my emotions in everyday situations.  There were times when I way-over-reacted to a situation with way-too-much of the appropriate emotion.  For example, getting way to upset with my husband or children for doing (or not doing) something.  Rather than just being a little disappointed but not sweating the small stuff, I’d often perceive their actions as “personal rejection” or “rebellion” when they were just simply being imperfect human beings who forget to do something on occasion.  Do you often over-react to someone else’s behavior, taking it personally when they don’t live up to your expectations?

But there were also times when the emotion I was feeling didn’t match the situation at all.  Like when we went to a Texas Rangers ballgame recently.  We were sitting in the very top row, with the cool breeze blowing through our hair on a warm night, passing peanuts back and forth down the row, and cheering the Rangers on as they were winning by a landslide.  Yet, I was having a difficult time fighting back the tears that were in my eyes.  I don’t know what the tears were about (not tears of joy), and I didn’t know what to do with them other than push them back and swallow the wave of emotion accompanying them.  Do you sometimes have to push down what’s bothering you to hold it together in public?

I’ve often heard counselors say that “repressed anger becomes depression.”  I knew there were some things that I was still very angry over.  (“Who” or “what” is irrelevant – we all have those people/situations in our lives.)

It was time to unleash all that anger and sadness in the right direction (not with the individuals involved, but rather, alone with the Lord) instead of letting all of that pent-up emotion cause damage to my precious relationships and my personal sanity.  Are there emotions that you’ve been sucking up for a while, that are now oozing out of your eyeballs (tears) or your mouth (angry words) and damaging your relationships?

If any of these questions hit home, then stay tuned for the next several days as I usher you through some steps that will hopefully restore your emotional equilibrium and bring PEACE and JOY back into your life, marriage, and family.

• a 6 hour delay at the airport due to a missed flight
• over 100 emails in my inbox waiting to be responded to
• the 10 minutes we seem to be late just about everywhere we go
• $10,000 tuition dollars needed for my daughter’s college fund

And of course others have rocked my world before, such as…

• 10 extra pounds on the scale (funny how that number keeps creeping back up!)
• 13 publishers who declined my book proposal
• 17 miles over the speed limit when the cop pulled up behind me
• a $50,000 drop in our house appraisal due to downturns in the housing market

But there’s also some other numbers that, if I focus on them, can make all the difference in my mood.  For example:

• 32,850
• 490
• 365
• 3

What are those numbers for?

• 32,850 — the number of days a 90-year old person has to live life to the fullest – so why waste a single one of them stressing over the aforementioned numbers?!
• 490 — the number of times we’re to forgive our neighbors’ trespasses (70 x 7), so why get my panties in a wad over something that that got me bent out of shape?
• 365 — the number of times the Bible tells us to “fear not!” (one for each day of the year!)
• 3 — the number of days that Jesus descended into the pit of hell, where He canceled my reservation.

And of course, there’s the number “Infinity,” which is the number of days I’ll have to bask in the presence of my Heavenly Bridegroom once Jesus returns for the great wedding feast of the Lamb (Revelation 19:6-9).

So I just want to remind you, Don’t let life’s little numbers get you down, girlfriend!

To borrow Buzz Lightyear’s expression, let’s remain focused on “Infinity… and Beyond!”

With the launch of our first BLAST class this past Sunday (which was a huge adrenaline rush for us all), I’ve spent the past several weeks preparing like crazy. And the immediate future looks just as crazy, with speaking engagements almost every weekend from September 24 through November 15th. SO, I’m taking full advantage of this THIS weekend, running away by myself tomorrow for a private 24-hour retreat at one of my favorite Texas State Parks. Then my family and a handful of dear friends will join me for a camping extravaganza the rest of the weekend – kayaks, campfires, wild-n-crazy card games, etc.!

Thanks for your prayers that this would be an incredibly refreshing time as I gear up for a busy fall, speaking first at the Beyond Beautiful Conference in Oshawa, Ontario, Canada September 24-25th – join us if you can! Go to http://www.shannonethridge.com/speaking.shtml for more information.

The Cute Prom Couple

It seems like yesterday that I was wiping Spaghettios off her face, yet last Friday I was already putting eye makeup on that same face, helping my daughter get ready for Prom.  Of course, her face looks very different now, but her big “brown M&M eyes” (which she got from her dad) still make my heart skip a beat.  I suspect they have the same effect on her boyfriend, Brian.

I wonder, “Where has the time gone?”  The days often seemed to pass so slowly (would naptime ever come?), yet the years have gone by so quickly.

We wanted to make the day super-special for the both of them.  They’ve been best of friends since junior high, and have been dating a few months now, and we simply couldn’t be happier about it.  All four of us parents put our heads together and devised a brilliant scheme.  They were instructed after Prom (via printed invitation) to drive to our lakeside lot at Hideaway Lake, where we had gone to great lengths to set up the perfect post-prom setting — a cushy love seat & ottomon, a portable fireplace, tiki torches, flowers, chocolate, and a caraffe of hot apple cider.  After a long, hectic week, they were able to just kick up their feet, stare at the stars, and chill out together.

As Brian’s mom and I were setting all of this up, I had a plethora of thoughts swirling through my head — how I didn’t get to go to my own prom because my date dumped me for his ex-girlfriend two days before, but how little that seemed to matter now… how I hadn’t gone to this much trouble to romance my own husband in a while, and that I needed to do that soon… how perhaps I could even get more mileage out of all of this ambience by bringing Greg back to this spot before we loaded it all up and took it back home in a few days.

But the most overwhelming thought was that it feels so FANTASTIC to be able to so wholeheartedly TRUST your daughter in such a setting and in such a relationship.  I always thought that when my daughter started dating, we’d feel compelled to watch over her like a hawk, perhaps keeping dad’s shotgun in plain sight for the boyfriend to see when he comes to pick her up.  Perhaps you know the feeling.

Fortunately, I can laugh at that thought now.  Why?  Because we’ve been SO intentional about instilling healthy sexual values since she was old enough to start asking questions (which was about 5 years old).  Brian’s parents have been just as intentional, and we thank them for that!  Abstinence until marriage has even become one of THEIR passions.  Erin just called, and she and Brian are out visiting Tyler area churches and schools, inviting them to come to the BEST SEX Youth Conference here in east Texas on May 2nd (where we’ll hopefully inspire many other teens to have the BEST sex.. by waiting until marriage!).

Dang, I’m so stinkin’ proud of the beauty they each radiate — both inside and out!  And I couldn’t be more proud of how they have conducted their relationship so far.  They’ve got the world by the tail, and their futures both look so very bright.

I hope that you’ll have the same confidence in your daughters and sons when they get ready to choose a dating or courtship partner.  Don’t wait until they are teens and try to have “the talk” (as if healthy sex education is a simple plumbing lesson you can give in 10 minutes or less).  Talk to them about healthy relationships during every stage of their development, and then you’ll be able to relax and ENJOY every stage — even the dating stage!

Wishing you much confidence in your children’s character,

Shannon

P.S.  If you’d like more information about “passing the baton” of healthy sexual values to your children, consider reading Chapter 16 in The Sexually Confident Wife, as well as the complete books Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman’s Battle (which Erin helped me write, available at www.shannonethridge.com) and Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle (available at www.fredstoeker.com).  They’re perfect for parents to read WITH their 8-12 year olds, which is certainly not too young to begin these conversations!

P.P.S.  Awesome photography by Erin & Brian’s friend, Cody Travis Maher.  You’re welcome to take a look at the rest of their prom pictures on Cody’s Facebook page!