Shannon’s SCW Blog

I love the word “retreat”… or “re-TREAT”… or “retr-EAT!” depending on how you look at it!

With the launch of our first BLAST class this past Sunday (which was a huge adrenaline rush for us all), I’ve spent the past several weeks preparing like crazy. And the immediate future looks just as crazy, with speaking engagements almost every weekend from September 24 through November 15th. SO, I’m taking full advantage of this THIS weekend, running away by myself tomorrow for a private 24-hour retreat at one of my favorite Texas State Parks. Then my family and a handful of dear friends will join me for a camping extravaganza the rest of the weekend – kayaks, campfires, wild-n-crazy card games, etc.!

Thanks for your prayers that this would be an incredibly refreshing time as I gear up for a busy fall, speaking first at the Beyond Beautiful Conference in Oshawa, Ontario, Canada September 24-25th – join us if you can! Go to http://www.shannonethridge.com/speaking.shtml for more information.

The Cute Prom Couple

It seems like yesterday that I was wiping Spaghettios off her face, yet last Friday I was already putting eye makeup on that same face, helping my daughter get ready for Prom.  Of course, her face looks very different now, but her big “brown M&M eyes” (which she got from her dad) still make my heart skip a beat.  I suspect they have the same effect on her boyfriend, Brian.

I wonder, “Where has the time gone?”  The days often seemed to pass so slowly (would naptime ever come?), yet the years have gone by so quickly.

We wanted to make the day super-special for the both of them.  They’ve been best of friends since junior high, and have been dating a few months now, and we simply couldn’t be happier about it.  All four of us parents put our heads together and devised a brilliant scheme.  They were instructed after Prom (via printed invitation) to drive to our lakeside lot at Hideaway Lake, where we had gone to great lengths to set up the perfect post-prom setting — a cushy love seat & ottomon, a portable fireplace, tiki torches, flowers, chocolate, and a caraffe of hot apple cider.  After a long, hectic week, they were able to just kick up their feet, stare at the stars, and chill out together.

As Brian’s mom and I were setting all of this up, I had a plethora of thoughts swirling through my head — how I didn’t get to go to my own prom because my date dumped me for his ex-girlfriend two days before, but how little that seemed to matter now… how I hadn’t gone to this much trouble to romance my own husband in a while, and that I needed to do that soon… how perhaps I could even get more mileage out of all of this ambience by bringing Greg back to this spot before we loaded it all up and took it back home in a few days.

But the most overwhelming thought was that it feels so FANTASTIC to be able to so wholeheartedly TRUST your daughter in such a setting and in such a relationship.  I always thought that when my daughter started dating, we’d feel compelled to watch over her like a hawk, perhaps keeping dad’s shotgun in plain sight for the boyfriend to see when he comes to pick her up.  Perhaps you know the feeling.

Fortunately, I can laugh at that thought now.  Why?  Because we’ve been SO intentional about instilling healthy sexual values since she was old enough to start asking questions (which was about 5 years old).  Brian’s parents have been just as intentional, and we thank them for that!  Abstinence until marriage has even become one of THEIR passions.  Erin just called, and she and Brian are out visiting Tyler area churches and schools, inviting them to come to the BEST SEX Youth Conference here in east Texas on May 2nd (where we’ll hopefully inspire many other teens to have the BEST sex.. by waiting until marriage!).

Dang, I’m so stinkin’ proud of the beauty they each radiate — both inside and out!  And I couldn’t be more proud of how they have conducted their relationship so far.  They’ve got the world by the tail, and their futures both look so very bright.

I hope that you’ll have the same confidence in your daughters and sons when they get ready to choose a dating or courtship partner.  Don’t wait until they are teens and try to have “the talk” (as if healthy sex education is a simple plumbing lesson you can give in 10 minutes or less).  Talk to them about healthy relationships during every stage of their development, and then you’ll be able to relax and ENJOY every stage — even the dating stage!

Wishing you much confidence in your children’s character,

Shannon

P.S.  If you’d like more information about “passing the baton” of healthy sexual values to your children, consider reading Chapter 16 in The Sexually Confident Wife, as well as the complete books Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman’s Battle (which Erin helped me write, available at www.shannonethridge.com) and Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle (available at www.fredstoeker.com).  They’re perfect for parents to read WITH their 8-12 year olds, which is certainly not too young to begin these conversations!

P.P.S.  Awesome photography by Erin & Brian’s friend, Cody Travis Maher.  You’re welcome to take a look at the rest of their prom pictures on Cody’s Facebook page!

I heard a lady exclaim the other day, “Parents shouldn’t talk so openly with children about sex or else it will awaken their desires!” Sorry, but I couldn’t disagree more.

Ask any teen, “The last time your parents tried to talk to you about sex, did it cause you to have to run off to your room and masturbate?” I promise, they’ll turn green at the thought and might even puke on your shoes. Kids don’t get “turned on” by healthy conversations with their parents. But they might get turned on by what the world has to offer if we don’t coach them on how to guard their minds, hearts, and bodies in this sex-saturated world and let them know how to have the best sex… by waiting until marriage, of course!

There’s a BIG difference between INNOCENCE and IGNORANCE!!! We simply don’t keep kids innocent by keeping them ignorant! If anything, we set kids up to LOSE their innocence when we try to keep them ignorant. My life is a testimony to this fact. My parents never told me anything, so I didn’t have words to communicate what was happening when I was sexually abused at 12 by several uncles, then acquaintance-raped at 14, and became sexually active from 15 to 20 years of age. I truly believe if they’d told me a little more than, “Why will he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free?” perhaps I could have made much better choices. I’m not trying to blame my parents entirely for the poor choices I made, but you can bet my kids have gotten a whole heck of a lot more in the way of honest, open conversations about sexuality at every stage of their development!

I want to hear from you — What did your parents tell (or not tell) you about sexuality, and what impact did that have on the sexual choices you’ve made in your life? What do you wish they’d done differently? And an even bigger question – what are you going to do differently (or the same) with your OWN kids?

Wishing you sexually healthy children (who grow up to become sexually confident wives and husbands, who give you all the grandchildren your heart desires!),

Shannon

P.S. If you’re wondering when & how to talk to your children about sexual issues, I encourage you to read the last chapter of The Sexually Confident Wife (called “Passing the Baton”) as well as the following books:

Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman’s Battle

(available at www.shannonethridge.com),

and

Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle

(available at www.fredstoeker.com)

Oops… I thought I posted this last Friday while on a wonderful romantic get-a-way with my husband, but obviously my head was in the clouds and I accidentally filed it in my “drafts” folder instead of publishing it.  Oh well, it’s never too late to be thankful, so…

This seems like the appropriate time of year to GIVE THANKS for the many wonderful character traits our husbands possess! According to researchers David Buss from The University of Texas at Austin and Todd Shackelford from Florida Atlantic University, there are four qualities women really want in a man:

1. Good genes, reflected in desirable physical traits
2. Economic resources
3. The desire to have children and good parenting skills
4. Loyalty and devotion

When I first read this list, I declared out loud, “I have ALL of these in my husband, PLUS some!” In addition to being incredibly handsome, a good provider, a great father, and still madly in love with me even after 19 years of some pretty unlovable moments, I’d also have to say that Greg is the backbone of this ministry, my emotional stability, my spiritual rock, my best friend, and… yep, a FANTASTIC lover!!!

What are YOU most thankful for in your husband?

Once you share your sentiments with us, why don’t you go show him how much he means to you by bestowing a little sexual confidence on him?

Wishing you a heart full of gratitude,

Shannon