While we can only speculate, this current event inspired one of my BLAST participants, Rebecca Larson, to pen the following blog post.  Thanks, Rebecca, for sharing your insightful words of encouragement for all of us gals, both married and single!

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Kim Kardashian posted a note to her fans today on her website and it struck a chord with me.

… First and foremost I married for love. I can’t believe I even have to defend this…Everyone knows I am a hopeless romantic! I love with all of my heart and soul. I want a family and babies and a real life so badly that maybe I rushed into something too soon. I believe in love and the dream of what I wanted so badly. I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster and couldn’t get off when now I know I probably should have. I got caught up in the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn’t know how to and I didn’t want to disappoint a lot of people… I’m being honest here and I hope you respect my courage because this isn’t ready to go through. But I do know that I have to follow my heart. I never had the intention of hurting anybody and I accept full responsibility for my actions and decisions, and for taking everyone on this journey with me. It just didn’t turn out to be the fairy tale I had so badly hoped for… I’m sorry if I hurt anyone, but my dad always told me to follow my heart and I believe now that I really am.

I do not have first hand experience with what she said, but my husband does, so I wanted to share a little bit about his story.

Back in 2002, my husband thought he had found the girl of his dreams. Physically, she was everything he had ever wanted. Emotionally, they clicked. Spiritually, she was a beautiful reflection of Christ and His love. So, a couple months after entering into a relationship with her, my husband asked his dream girl to marry him. She said yes and they spent a little over a year planning an extravagant and fairy tale like wedding.

Just three months after pledging to spend their lives together, my husband was devastated by his bride’s decision to leave the marriage. He begged and pleaded, offered to go to counseling and even got desperate and dramatic, but her mind was made up. She had to “follow her heart.” She gave a lot of different reasons to my husband and her friends and acquaintances, but in the end, I believe it was just as Kim said. You get caught up and then can’t find a way to end it.

Almost all little girls dream about our wedding day. We think about the dress we will wear and the flowers we will hold. We imagine the perfect man waiting for us at the altar, but, in our imaginations, we rarely go beyond that special moment. We don’t dream about blending our life with the life of another human being. We don’t fantasize about morning breath or toe nail clippings. We love the idea of being swept off of our feet but do we love the idea of truly doing life with another person day in and day out?

My husband told me a thousand times while we were engaged, “plan for the marriage, not just the wedding.” He had learned his lesson and was wiser for it. His heart ached for a long time. He felt duped by the girl of his dreams (who turned out to be anything but) and forsaken by the God that he served faithfully. However, when I met my husband in the summer of 2006 (two years after dream girl left), he was a strong man who had been refined by the fire and understood what it meant to pledge forever.

We have to slow things down. We have to be prayerful about all things; especially huge, life altering decisions like marriage. We can’t give up easily. We have to know what kind of commitment we are making and stick to it. Trust me, you will be blessed.

We live in a society that stresses fierce independence and dogged self absorption, but that won’t get us anywhere. Love cannot be displayed, given or received in a world full of people who only care about themselves. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9) Sometimes following our hearts, as much as we think it will make us feel better, is absolutely the wrong thing to do; especially when we have hardened our hearts to God’s loving regulations for our lives.

Divorce, in this situation (in the absence of marital unfaithfulness or any sort of abuse), is sin. There are consequences for sin. Ask dream girl. I don’t know her personally, but we have mutual friends and I know that it was a long road toward restoration and wholeness for her. God loves his children and just as a human parent disciplines their own child, so does God. Revelation 3:19a says “Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline.” Not everything that is good for us, whether it is being disciplined or sticking it out and working very hard to make a relationship work, is pain free, pleasant and enjoyable. In fact, I would go as far to say that the things in my life that have been the most painful, unpleasant and unenjoyable are the same things that have made me into all of the good things that I am today. (Check out Hebrews 12)

My heart is broken over this news about Kim Kardashian. Anytime a heart is broken and a marriage is ended, it is sad. It is hard to imagine that kind of pain. But you know what? My God is a God of love, forgiveness and restoration. God loves Kim K. and His heart is aching right along with hers.

He loves you as well! In all of your struggles and sin and bad decisions and heartache, He longs for restoration for you. He wants a relationship with you. He wants to love you like you’ve never been loved before.

If you are struggling right now; if you feel like you have made a mistake and simply got caught up in the loveliness of an idea, know that if you follow Him, He can make it work. If you are currently on that roller coaster and feel like it is too late to get off (engaged and not yet married), know that it is not too late. Slow down and plan for your life together. Think about the devastation you will leave behind if you wait any longer than you really should.

In the end, it all boils down to making the choice to simply love – unconditionally. We are loved deeply by the Originator and Creator of love. There is nothing we have done or can do that will ever change that. It is a matter of accepting His love first, and then turning around and sharing that love with your marriage partner.

For our upcoming Fall 2011 BLAST Class, you have TWO ways to participate – either through the standard ONLINE videos each month starting in September (click here for more information), or through our LIVE class experience in August (see article below) + monthly video reviews to keep you focused throughout the following year!

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Why in the world would anyone want to book a trip to Texas in August, the HOTTEST month of the year? Here’s 3 HOT reasons why:

• We’re hosting a LIVE BLAST class, starting at 3 p.m. Tuesday, August 9th through 3 p.m. Friday, August 12th.
• We’re hosting a BLAST Reunion starting at 6 p.m. Friday, August 12th through 9 p.m. Saturday, August 13th.
• You’ll enjoy face-to-face interaction with Shannon, other BLAST class members (past & present), and hear best-selling author Fred Stoeker (Every Man’s Battle) share his heart about hearing the voice of God as you write & speak!

We’ve booked one of the newest & nicest hotels in Tyler for both the LIVE class and the Reunion. Click here to view more information about the Hilton Garden Inn which is offering a special rate of $89 per room for BLAST participants.

Click here for an informational brochure about the fall BLAST program (both the LIVE version in August and the ONLINE versions beginning in September), and click here to read more about how we can accommodate your visit to Texas for the LIVE video taping in August.

In addition, spouses participate both in the LIVE and online BLAST Class for FREE!

We look forward to seeing many of you in Texas! And we promise to try to keep you as cool and comfortable as possible!

LIVE Class Members:  Submit your application on or
before July 15th and receive a 10% ($180) Early-Bird Discount!

ONLINE Class Members:  Submit your application on or before
July 30, 2011 and receive a 10% ($180) Early-Bird Discount!

Final Registration Deadline for ONLINE class is August 15^th

And then the veil is lifted from my eyes after the sessions as women approach, tears in their eyes, confiding things like:

• After I found my husband looking at porn, I began having an emotional affair with a co-worker.  I figured what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, but now I realize this isn’t good for me or my marriage at all!
• I had two abortions before I married, and I’ve never told my husband.  The guilt has robbed me of every ounce of my sexual confidence!
• I was violently raped as a child, and now I’m luring men into my home, having sex with them, and kicking them out to feel like I’m regaining some sense of control, but I realize I am very out-of-control!

These women may feel as if they are shocking me with their confessions, but I’m pretty hard to shock after the past 15 years of speaking on these topics.  I’ve learned that even the most functional looking woman can be quite sexually dysfunctional, and when she reveals her identity and the issues that are troubling her, my heart truly breaks for her!

What is a speaker to do in these situations? I’ve asked myself many times.  I simply can’t put the rest of the conference on hold and counsel her one-on-one for the next hour or two.  Jesus can leave the 99 to go after the 1 lost sheep, but a speaker doesn’t have that luxury.  Nor can I wave a magic wand over her and remedy all of her guilt, shame, brokenness and inhibition (although I’d give anything to own one of those magic wands!).

I’ve had to learn that I’m no one’s personal counselor, shepherd, savior, magician, or miracle worker.  I’m just a fellow struggler who’s a few steps ahead in her own journey toward sexual health & wholeness.  But I’ve got my tail lights on.  And I’m leaving a breadcrumb trail that can be followed, publishing about my progress every step of the way through the various books I’ve written… the Every Woman’s Battle series about how NOT to look for love in all the WRONG places… the Completely His series about how to find love in the RIGHT place (through intimacy with Christ)… and the Sexually Confident Wife about how to cultivate the passion and fulfillment you long for within your own marriage.

I can’t help but wonder after I leave a conference what kind of steps a woman will take to find the healing and wholeness she deserves. Will she actually read the book?  Will she seek the help of a counselor as I so often recommend?  Will she connect with an accountability partner?  Will she make time for intimate quiet times with her Heavenly Bridegroom so that He can heal her from the inside out?  Will she work up the courage to invite her husband into her healing process?  Only SHE can answer those questions.  I can only cheer her on.

Tonight I take the stage at our last conference here in Auckland before returning home – the EveryWoman 2011 Conference at Christian City Church (C3).  And no doubt I’ll have that same thought tonight… These women look so normal, I must be preaching to the choir! I’m learning that even the choir needs to be reminded of these messages once in a while, so I’ll continue to press on, conference after conference, city after city, country after country, as long as God gives me breath.

Thanks for your prayers as we wrap up our 3-week ministry tour here in New Zealand!  They’ve definitely been felt!

Shannon (& Greg)

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Sex is so much better before you get married! If you listen to Hollywood, this is the message that is shouted from the silver screen.  It is made to be a casual joke regularly in films.  My husband and I recently went to a movie where the characters in the film spent more time bragging about all the great sex they had before they got married than they spent talking about anything else.  I walked out of the theater disappointed and heartbroken.  It is hard to keep into perspective that the people in the movies don’t exist in the real world.  It is easy for actors to portray a person with a great sex life between takes, but that is no indication of their reality.

The problem is that we tend to believe what we see on the big screen.   The message being sent is that once you are married you might as well consider your sex life dead.  While I will not argue that having kids and the pressure of daily life can in fact make slipping between the sheets for a little intimacy challenging, the message being projected is damaging to marriage.

Fortunately, as a married woman, I can take these not so subtle jabs at marriage from Hollywood and allow them to serve as a reminder to initiate some alone time with my husband.  My greatest fear centers on the upcoming generation and their perception about marriage.  When the message about sex is that you better do it as much as possible now, while you still have the chance, what kind of lasting images are being imprinted on the minds of the unmarried?  Statistics already show that people are waiting longer and longer to get married.  Sadly, they are not waiting to have sex.  Consequently the result is multiple sexual partners before walking down the aisle.   Many couples might as well have a U-Haul attached to their car as they are whisked away to their honeymoon with all the baggage they bring into their marriages.  The amount of emotional luggage will ultimately lead to a stressed sex life for years to come.

The irony in all of this is that sex was never intended to be enjoyed outside of marriage.  It reminds me of a recent visit I had with my banker.  I went in to ask her a simple question about my auto loan and ended up in a thirty minute conversation about how much I needed the banks new credit card.  Don’t get me wrong, she had some pretty convincing arguments about how I could really benefit from using this card in order to rack up rewards that would ultimately pay me to use it.  I was almost convinced before I snapped back into reality.  I have seen the damage that credit cards can do.  As I shared my reservations, she quickly reminded me that you are supposed to pay off the balance at the end of each month.   In doing this you will reap all the benefits.

I know firsthand that this is done easier in theory than in practice.  It is just too easy to spend tomorrow’s pay check today with the assumption that the money will be there when the bill comes in.  Sadly this doesn’t always work out and before you know it your bill has snowballed and is hanging like a rope around your neck.  It seemed good at the time.  The banker convinced you that this would reward you, but in the end it only caused you harm.

God knew exactly what he was doing when he designed sex.  His plan was to create oneness between a husband and a wife.   It was created to be good and pleasurable and preserved for that relationship alone.  When it is taken out of the context for which it was intended perversion is inevitable.  Just like the credit card, it is easy to rack up mounds of emotional debt that will take years to reconcile.

According to Genesis 2: 24 sex was created so that a man and his wife could become one flesh.  Sex that is devoid of commitment and genuine intimacy leaves us lonely and unfulfilled.  When sex is enjoyed casually outside of marriage the ability to be unified through it later becomes compromised.  It is no wonder that sex within marriage seems less fulfilling and less desirable when it has been abused and devalued for years prior to marriage.

Hollywood is doing a massive disservice to marriage in the message they portray.  Their cameras glorify sex as fun and sporty, but they edit out all of the heart ache, insecurities, and emptiness that come with careless sex outside of its intended purpose.

www.christykennard.com

Click here for answers to FAQs and for an application form.  The next class starts in March, so don’t delay!

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Dear Shannon,
I just wanted you to know how much I am loving BLAST and what a blessing it is in my life.  I look forward to the new videos every month and so enjoy your teaching.  Your enthusiasm and expertise challenge and inspire me.  You just shine!

I am so loving the books, and nearly every month I am buying more copies to give away as gifts. I gave my siblings, “Now Discover Your Strengths” and we have been having great conversations about what our strengths are and are understanding each other better.  I also gave, “If You Want to Walk on Water….”, to several of my friends for Christmas, it is such a blessing to them too.  I got to hear Philip Yancy speak last weekend at BREAKFORTH and absolutely loved him!  ”What’s so Amazing about Grace”, has had a profound impact on my life and I find myself being so conscious of grace and ungrace in and around me.  I am changed forever.

Over and over our small group marvels at how God brought us together. Clearly, this is a God thing!   What an amazing blessing these three other women are in my life. Its amazing the insight and encouragement we have for each other.  Friendships have been forged here that will last a lifetime I believe.  We would love to all get together someday.  What a richness these women bring to my life!

I just wanted to thank you for being obedient to God and for sharing your gifts with us.  BLAST is such a great idea and I feel like I am learning and growing so much this year. Who but God knows how far reaching the effect of your class will have on the world.  I am blown away when I think of it.

God bless you in all your endeavors and may he continue to use you to bless others too.

Darlene Rempel

BLAST – Fall 2010

Brooks, AB

Canada

When I look in the mirror, I always lean in for a close-up. I am discontent with the distance between me and that piece of glass. I want to see details of my skin, please! Every pore. Blemish. Stray hair.

The closer I get to the mirror, the more clearly I can hear its lies.

Look at those eyebrows…so dark and bushy. What about those little hairs on your chin…how disgusting. And those wrinkles under your eyes… your skin is getting old. And don’t forget those little red dots on your face… blemishes are so ugly.

Slowly, I begin to pick at every nook and cranny of my skin. Inevitably, my five minutes in the bathroom to simply wash my face and brush my teeth turns into fifteen minutes of surgery on my skin!  My refreshing nightly ritual is easily ruined as I allow the mirror to speak negativity into my life. As a result, all I want to do is jump into bed for fear that someone might see my embarrassing home facial job, my poor attempt to fix the flaws.

As women we are constantly faced with the temptation to look in the mirror. Rather than accepting and loving what is reflected we often despise how God created us. Most of us could write books on all the little facets about our bodies we want to change.

Too short. Too fat. Big nose. Dry skin. Oily skin. Big hips. Round face. Large pores.

Where do we come up with all these classifications anyways? Who determines the definition of beauty?

Not only do we look into the mirror of our bathroom, but we also gaze into the mirrors of our society. Magazines, models, and men….oh my! We look to them, seeking some sort of approval, but usually walk away more defeated than delighted.

When I am dissatisfied with my body, standing in front of any type mirror never helps. The only close up view I need is not found by peering into the mirror with a pair of tweezers, but gazing into Jesus and beholding His truth.

While reading a book on confidence by Valerie Burton, I was encouraged by her words:

“Identify one way in which you can embrace an aspect of yourself

that you have previously rejected.”

I believe this challenge is valuable to all of us as women. The mirrors we look into are distorting our perception of real beauty.

So go ahead — what bodily features do you need to embrace?

Is it hairy arms (oh wait, that’s me!), short legs, flat chest, frizzy hair?

Rather than being embarrassed by those body parts, let’s embrace them!  That’s how freedom is found!

My small group once took time to confess the areas where we felt the most shame or embarrassment in our physical appearance.  Much to our surprise, we realized we all had company! Each of us shared many of the same interesting bodily quirks.

By the end of the night, our shameful tears had turned to roaring laughter! All of us were set free, realizing that our bodies may not be perfect, but in light of God’s truth we were all stunningly gorgeous!

Being a sexually confident wife means living out this challenge on a daily basis — delighting in every part of our bodies, no matter what the mirrors may tell us!  When it comes to intimacy with our husband, accepting the way we were made will inspire the same response from our spouse!  Whatever you love about yourself, he’s going to naturally love it too!

Whether you get together with a group of ladies, or quietly chat with God, take this challenge seriously.  It can bring healing and freedom into every area of your life, including your marriage!

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Charissa Steyn has a passion to see women come to know their identity in Jesus Christ. After searching desperately for her purpose and value – in work, relationships, outer appearances-she has finally found her heart at home in Him. While ministering in Austria for four years, Charissa met her South African sweet heart and they married in August 2009. They are still falling in love and enjoying their new life together in Johannesburg. Currently she is working towards her Masters in Counseling, but Charissa can also be found taking care of her new hubby, running, baking fattening cookies, and writing about life’s unique little lessons on her blogs
Everyday Adventures – http://charsteyn.blogspot.com/
Blushing Brides’ Guide to __ __ __ – http://blushingbrideguide.blogspot.com/

Are YOU one of those 84% who believe you have a story or two (or ten) to
share? Are you ready to be one of the 1% who actually gets their material
out of their heads and onto paper rather than taking it to the grave?
Possibly even one of the fraction of 1% that gets published?

Or are you one of those who sits in the audience at conferences, watching
the speakers wax eloquent and move the audience to tears, all the while
thinking “I could totally do that!” You’re right. You totally could. But
not until you move from dreaming to doing something about it!

If you’re ready to fulfill your writing and/or speaking dreams, I hope
you’ll consider joining us for our Fall BLAST Class (Building Leaders,
Authors, Speakers & Teachers). Click here to read more about the 12-month
online mentorship program (yes, you can participate from anywhere in the
world as long as you have internet access!). Then watch this short video
to hear what previous BLAST class members have to say about their experience
with the program.

Our fall class begins September 15th, and the application deadline has just
been extended through August 15th. Class size is limited, so start
preparing your application soon!

Email us with your questions at blast@shannonethridge.com

I was reminded this weekend at my BLAST class (www.shannonethridge.com/blast if you’re curious) of a story about some hot water. Hot water is usually a good thing.  Think lobster.  Showers.  Cocoa.  Steaming your pores.

Sometimes I really like me some hot water.  Other times not so much.

I greatly enjoy a good hot bath.  REALLY hot.  Especially in winter, I love to let the hot water run over my hands and feet while the tub fills up.  If I’m cold and nothing else seems to help, a hot bath will warm me right up.  Putting something fragrant in my hot water just makes the whole experience rich.  Give me some Bath and Body Works Eucalyptus Spearmint products (body wash, foaming bath AND sugar scrub, thank you) and I can turn into a happy, happy girl . . . at least until the water gets cold.  (I like the Arbonne Sea Source scent too, just so you know.  Shameless plug for my sis-in-law’s stuff.)

I (and the other grownup I reside with) like a hot bath so much that one of the things on our house’s bucket list is a tankless water heater.  Those pricey little appliances give you the ability to have all the hot water you want instantly.  No more running the tank dry and then having to wait for it to manufacture more.  Trust me, I can run a hot water tank dry all by myself, no assistance required.  If you want a bath at my house, you better get yours before I get mine.  (That sounded funny . . . I’m hoping none of y’all want a bath at my house.  It was a figure of speech.) It’s great for doing laundry and dishes too . . . like I care.

Hot water can also refer to something that’s not so soothing.  It’s called Trouble.  As in “that girl done gone and got herself in some hot water.”  I’ve done that before . . . gotten myself in a spot of hot water.  You don’t really need to know more than that.  It’s enough to confess that I can understand how lobsters feel.

Of course, like with lobsters, sometimes we don’t crawl into the hot pot ourselves.  We get thrown in.  Or it gets thrown on us.  Guess what?  It’s still awfully hot either way.

I guess that’s a lot of what makes the difference between hot water that is tolerable and the kind that is not.  Did I choose it for myself?  Okay then. Or did I get subjected to it against my will?  I’m still cooked, and that’s just flat-out not fair.

On a side note, there are those who choose the hot water for themselves, and then get irritated about the consequences and think you did it to them.  Shame on you, you lobster-killer, you!  But that would be a whole ‘nuther post for a whole ‘nuther day.

Anyway, here’s the story I was reminded of this weekend (thanks Debbie Heatwole):

A man was trying to teach his daughter about responding correctly to stressful situations in life.  To illustrate his lesson, he brought three pots of water to a boil on top of the stove.  Into one, he put some carrots.  Into the second, he put an egg.  Into the third, he put ground coffee beans.

A little while later, he turned off the burners and let the pots cools down somewhat.  Then he continued his instruction by pulling the carrots out of the first pot.  He asked his daughter, “Can you tell me what happened to these carrots when they were cooked?”  She replied, “Well, they were firm, but the hot water made them all soft, kind of mushy, actually.”  ”That’s right,” the father replied.  ”Sometimes people who are subjected to stress and trouble get mushy and weak.  They’re no longer able to stand firm.”

He then asked her to take the egg from the second pot and describe what she found.  ”I know the egg was soft and liquid on the inside before,” she said, “but when I crack the shell, I find that it has gotten hard.”  ”And that’s what some people do in hot water,” said the dad.  ”They were tender before, but they let the hard circumstances of life make them hard on the inside.  Now, go ahead and tell me what you see in the third pot.”

The daughter looked into the pot.  ”It’s coffee,” she said.  ”Strong coffee.  Hmm . . . so you’re saying that some people let hot water make them stronger?  Like, the stress actually changes them into something good?”  ”You’ve got it!” the father exclaimed!  ”The people who are like the coffee beans may not enjoy the experience of being boiled, but when the process is complete, they have become something that is useful, even delicious.”

“I see now what you’re trying to tell me,” said the girl.  ”I need to always be careful to be like the coffee beans and let difficult times make me strong, not hard-hearted like the egg, and not weak like the carrots.  But hey, Dad, do you see something more in that third pot?”  The father looked at it for a minute and then said, “Tell me what you mean.”

The daughter replied, “Dad, not only did the boiling water transform the coffee beans into something good . . . the coffee beans transformed the hot water.”

So here’s what I have to ask myself . . . when life gets tough, do I get mushy?  (Yes.  I’ve been a cooked carrot mushball lately, and not for the first time in my life.) Or do I get hard-hearted?  (Yes.  Either I look for somebody or something to be mad at, or I throw up a wall to keep from getting hurt by all that heated liquid you’re slinging around.  Of course, it IS you slinging it around.) Or do I get strong?  (Well.  Hmm.  Maybe sometimes?  On good days?  If everything else goes my way?)

Okay . . . so sometimes, on occasion, every now and then, I can let the hot water of life make me into something usable.  If I’m in the mood and it’s not too much trouble.  Like a lobster who stays put in the cookpot.  I’m such a good girl if I can do that, right?  Like, three cheers for that lobster!!!!

Whatever.  But am I satisfied with being a good little crustacean just sometimes, on occasion, every now and then?  Not really. Do I ever go a step beyond letting trouble transform me to where I actually transform my troubles, maybe even making them more tolerable for others?  Not usually.

I could learn a lot from a coffee bean.  Uuggghhh!  Did I mention I hate the taste of coffee?

I leave you with a loose paraphrase from the book of James for your consideration.

“Count it all joy when you fall into hot water . . . “

What is your current hot water doing to you, or what are you doing to it?

(For more from Kathy check out her blog at http://kathyrodenfloyd.blogspot.com/)

Here’s a shout out to you, our readers.  Whether it’s this blog, our newsletter, hot tip emails, or one of Shannon’s many book titles…we want to say thanks for your support!  Because of you, our passion for healthy sexuality and spirituality has become a movement.  Check it out:

Want to start your own Movement?  What are YOU passionate about?