Getting Serious About Pornography
A friend recently shared this incredibly powerful article with us concerning the devastating effects of pornography. We hear from countless women on a weekly basis whose marriages are being destroyed by (either his or her) pornography use, so we know well how desperately this message is needed. Today we want to join the anonymous author of this fantastic article in waving the red flag of warning.
Is pornography something you or your husband have struggled with? Or worse yet, your children? How have you learned to heal and recover?
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Porn is not just a male issue. Believe it or not it can be a female issue at times. Found this article offensive in a way. I did not like this.
My life has been completely destroyed by my husband’s extreme SA. Even though we are still married and he is getting healing, accountability, and counseling– life will/can never be the same again. We love God and have never left Him through all this. We are very strong Christians. And even though I have gotten counseling, read and been educated on the issue, etc. –I still live in absolute hell. There’s no turning back time. Nothing can be done. It’s just the cards I have been dealt. It’s more common than Christian women want to admit. The statistics are staggering. It surprised me when I busted my conservative Christian husband. Don’t be surprised ladies, when it happens to you.
do you realize adultery is misspelled in the categories on right.
A rose is a rose is a rose. Addiction is addiction is addiction. Focusing on porn as if it is somehow a special addiction or particularly devastating to marriage is counter productive. The problem is the addictive behavior itself, whether it is church, god religion, football, porn, work, children, Twilight…etc., etc., etc. But, since the subject at hand is porn let us examine it in full daylight. Firt look at all the studies concerning porn use not just the ones with such overt agendas. Porn had always existed in every society in every time. Most men and many women are exposed to porn from an early age. Yet as I see it for most men it is just not that big a deal. Novel and interesting at first and a diversion entertained off and on for the remainer of their lives but no more destructive than watching James Bond do his thing with some woman at the end of every Bond film. But, for some people porn is devastating, just as religion can be devastating, for example look for the book “When God Becomes a Drug: Book 1; Understanding Religious addiction & religious abuse.”
If you really want to solve the porn problem focus on the addictive behavior and improve marriages so they can resist addictive behavior in all its forms. And just for fun re-read the article and think about the woman who wrote it. What does it make you think of her? What does it remind you of?
1 Cor. 6:18. It’s not the same.
(The woman wasn’t writing it in depth. That was just statistics and the tip on the iceberg. She knows that.)
Porn is horrible at any level. Do the
people who daily watch
A Soap Opera realize that this is also
a form of lust? Yet, men but mostly women
Watch this “lust” on a daily routine.
Images are shown on Soaps that was “taboo” only
15 years ago. Any Soap one might watch
Has people having “encounters”
That are sexual, illicit and start the
unguarded mind into “emotional affairs”, that is;
It provides the eyes a distorted view of normal
Sex, emotional sexual situations,
And storylines that are shameful but where
Is the “rage” against this “entertainment?”
“Romance” books, read mostly by women, who pass them to
Their daughtersd, are just another form of “porn” but again
Where is the rage?
All of these types of “outside the marriage” stories
are sinful at their own levels, just like
Porn.
Pornography is definitely not just a male issue. It’s such a powerful addiction and the anonomity internet porn provides allows women like me to hide in the privacy of my home watching things that should never be seen. To look at me you would never suspect that I’m addicted to lesbian porn. Even though I know how awful and destructive it is and I even know that this is a distraction that the enemy uses to distract me from doing what God would have me to do. I do ok for a season and then it flares up again. The shame and feelings fo failure are only surpassed by the addiction. I pray for a renewed mind where these thoughts and images no longer have a hold on me.
My husband is addiction to porn. I knew when we met that he “read a few magazines”. It seemed harmless. However, now (9 years later) his addiction has taken action with sexual encounters with both men & women. We are both active in our church … it’s really sad. The only reason I haven’t left him is financial. I’m hurt; I’m sad; I have given up on our marriage ever being anything like it should be. This addiction has killed our marriage.
I’m SO sorry to hear that, Vicki! I’d encourage HIM to read Every Man’s Battle if he hasn’t already, and for YOU to read Every Heart Restored: a Wife’s Guide to Healing int the Wake of Her Husband’s Sexual Sin. Very powerful read that will equip you with the tools you need to inspire genuine and lasting change in him (and notice I said “inspire” not “require!”). Both are available at http://www.shannonethridge.com or http://www.fredstoeker.com.
Vicki, I know from whence I speak. I’ve lived through that….and maybe a whole lot worse.
At this point in the game, Every Man’s Battle won’t do a lot of good. I would highly urge you to look into Pure Desire. (Ted Roberts) http://www.puredesire.org They have extensive material for men and women. Support and accountability groups growing all the time. (for both of you! I hope he is open to recovery…)
Quoting Mr. Arterburn (author or Every Man’s Battle), “Fred and I wrote for those who had not quite crossed the line into sexual addiction. We wanted to reach those who were messing around but whose lives were not totally messed up. We were scratching the surface, and there were a lot of people who obviously needed to hear the message. I am glad I was a part of that project, but it did not solve the problem for everyone who struggles.
I have been asked to look at numerous manuscripts, but I have never seen one as powerful for this particular problem as Ted’s work…I am so glad for Ted’s attitude of comprehensive study and practical application.”
And material by Marsha Means for you. http://www.awomanshealingjourney.com
I am soooo sorry you have gone and are going through this. I can HONESTLY say “I KNOW!”, “I UNDERSTAND!”, “I’VE BEEN THERE!”. It’s one thing to have a partner with a sex addiction– it’s another thing to have them REALLY BE UNFAITHFUL in the flesh. I understand that betrayal is betrayal– but it’s one thing to have a porn fetish, and another thing to have your husband ACT OUT IN THE FLESH. It’s different. Others can argue and defend, but until they have been there, they DON’T understand.
I appreciate the information. I’ve been looking through the websites you both offered, and talking with our preacher’s wife (who is a trained counsellor). God is being gracious and kind in providing me the resources I need to start healing and get stronger for whatever it is that is in store for me next.