Comments on: The Beauty Battle http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/2010/03/the-beauty-battle/ Thu, 12 Jan 2012 05:10:46 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Mary Kate http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/2010/03/the-beauty-battle/comment-page-1/#comment-11492 Mary Kate Wed, 28 Apr 2010 14:24:03 +0000 http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/?p=459#comment-11492 I have a husband who is a good man and who I love very much, but I know what he thinks of my body . . . he has told me, and it was that he found me unattractive, along with details of why. Admittedly, it was a few years ago, and while he hasn't said it lately in such hurtful terms, he has said he "tries not to think about it," letting me know that his opinion has not changed. I no longer appear naked in front of him. I turn my back when I change clothes. Any sexual activity is with lights out. He won't even kiss me deeply unless we're in bed about to be sexual. One day lately we were home alone and sleeping late, and he initiated some "fooling around." I COULD NOT relax with him seeing my body. And formerly this was NOT a problem. While losing weight would help some, there would be major plastic surgery needed. Large, very pendulous breasts are not going move up any with weight loss! Even when thinner, I still have large arms and legs. I enjoy sex quite a lot, even in my mid 40's, but he really only wants oral sex and intercourse happens probably 6 times or less per year. And I have to practically insist on that. When the lights are out, we can "talk dirty" a little, and he gives me pleasure, but he refuses to talk about it any other time, refuses to get counseling, refuses to think he has any type of issue. His excuse is that because I'm not attractive to him, he doesn't want "real" sex with me. He can't give an excuse for why he is able to insert himself into another orifice in my body. His ideal body is Beyonce. I'm a 40-something white woman for heaven's sake! It doesn't matter how much weight I lose or how much surgery I have, I will NEVER look like Beyonce! Did I mention he is very fat? That used to never matter to me, but now it does and I totally believe it's just one way the enemy can attack our marriage. He would like it if I had a lap-band and a major breast lift. And he wouldn't want them reduced, but enlarged! I am about a cup size F and we won't be getting anything enlarged, no matter how much lifting gets done! I would need a tummy tuck too and surgery on my upper arms. He wouldn't consider paying for it. (I'm about 60 pounds overweight if that helps you understand.) Until then, I guess he'd be just fine to keep getting blow jobs whenever he asks for them. And I feel obligated so I shut up and do it. I get to have an orgasm about once a month, twice if it's a good month. I'm not sure now if I'm just venting or if I'm asking for advice, but I would appreciate advice if you have any. I don't want anybody's sympathy. I have a husband who is a good man and who I love very much, but I know what he thinks of my body . . . he has told me, and it was that he found me unattractive, along with details of why. Admittedly, it was a few years ago, and while he hasn’t said it lately in such hurtful terms, he has said he “tries not to think about it,” letting me know that his opinion has not changed. I no longer appear naked in front of him. I turn my back when I change clothes. Any sexual activity is with lights out. He won’t even kiss me deeply unless we’re in bed about to be sexual. One day lately we were home alone and sleeping late, and he initiated some “fooling around.” I COULD NOT relax with him seeing my body. And formerly this was NOT a problem. While losing weight would help some, there would be major plastic surgery needed. Large, very pendulous breasts are not going move up any with weight loss! Even when thinner, I still have large arms and legs. I enjoy sex quite a lot, even in my mid 40′s, but he really only wants oral sex and intercourse happens probably 6 times or less per year. And I have to practically insist on that. When the lights are out, we can “talk dirty” a little, and he gives me pleasure, but he refuses to talk about it any other time, refuses to get counseling, refuses to think he has any type of issue. His excuse is that because I’m not attractive to him, he doesn’t want “real” sex with me. He can’t give an excuse for why he is able to insert himself into another orifice in my body. His ideal body is Beyonce. I’m a 40-something white woman for heaven’s sake! It doesn’t matter how much weight I lose or how much surgery I have, I will NEVER look like Beyonce! Did I mention he is very fat? That used to never matter to me, but now it does and I totally believe it’s just one way the enemy can attack our marriage. He would like it if I had a lap-band and a major breast lift. And he wouldn’t want them reduced, but enlarged! I am about a cup size F and we won’t be getting anything enlarged, no matter how much lifting gets done! I would need a tummy tuck too and surgery on my upper arms. He wouldn’t consider paying for it. (I’m about 60 pounds overweight if that helps you understand.) Until then, I guess he’d be just fine to keep getting blow jobs whenever he asks for them. And I feel obligated so I shut up and do it. I get to have an orgasm about once a month, twice if it’s a good month. I’m not sure now if I’m just venting or if I’m asking for advice, but I would appreciate advice if you have any. I don’t want anybody’s sympathy.

]]> By: jayme http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/2010/03/the-beauty-battle/comment-page-1/#comment-11425 jayme Tue, 23 Mar 2010 17:28:13 +0000 http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/?p=459#comment-11425 Thank you! This is me right now - about 4 months away from my wedding, wondering these same things. Knowing that I want my marriage to be fantastic sexually! Knowing that I have to acknowledge my insecurities, recognize them as baseless and act on the truth anyway! But it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who has traveled this path! Thank you! This is me right now – about 4 months away from my wedding, wondering these same things. Knowing that I want my marriage to be fantastic sexually! Knowing that I have to acknowledge my insecurities, recognize them as baseless and act on the truth anyway! But it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who has traveled this path!

]]> By: Charissa Steyn http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/2010/03/the-beauty-battle/comment-page-1/#comment-11424 Charissa Steyn Tue, 23 Mar 2010 06:54:44 +0000 http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/?p=459#comment-11424 Ladies, I have loved reading all the comments. It is so awesome to see how God can use our stories to encourage one another. The way we see ourselves, has more affect on our lives than we think. I am looking forward to writing more on this topic in the future. God is going to help us become confident in our beauty as His women so that we can spread His Beauty everywhere we go. Ladies, I have loved reading all the comments. It is so awesome to see how God can use our stories to encourage one another. The way we see ourselves, has more affect on our lives than we think. I am looking forward to writing more on this topic in the future. God is going to help us become confident in our beauty as His women so that we can spread His Beauty everywhere we go.

]]> By: Bri http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/2010/03/the-beauty-battle/comment-page-1/#comment-11419 Bri Wed, 17 Mar 2010 14:15:54 +0000 http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/?p=459#comment-11419 Thank you! I am a wife that currently stuggles with my self-image and this helped a lot. I am learning and trying to be more comfortable in my own skin. I love one of the last things you said was, "True beauty is not something to be achieved; rather it is who we are as women. Our bodies are fingerprints of HIS handiwork." Thank you so much. I will be putting that statement on my mirror so i see it every time i look in it and begin to doubt the work that God put into me! Thank you! I am a wife that currently stuggles with my self-image and this helped a lot. I am learning and trying to be more comfortable in my own skin. I love one of the last things you said was, “True beauty is not something to be achieved; rather it is who we are as women. Our bodies are fingerprints of HIS handiwork.” Thank you so much. I will be putting that statement on my mirror so i see it every time i look in it and begin to doubt the work that God put into me!

]]> By: Lindy http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/2010/03/the-beauty-battle/comment-page-1/#comment-11418 Lindy Wed, 17 Mar 2010 00:29:57 +0000 http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/?p=459#comment-11418 I think the modern surge in body image issues is merely symptomatic of a larger problem that society thinks women should only be sexual as it applies to pleasing men, not for their own right to pleasure as sexual beings. This is surely evident in porn- where most of the women just look good and whether or not they orgasm (if they even ACTUALLY do instead of just faking it) is secondary, not to mention the basic premise of IMAGERY over imtimacy. Ugh... Looking your best is great, but it should never be the primary goal. It should only be an outward reflection of inner beauty and happiness. There are enough non-invasive fixes out there that "imperfections" should never ruin your day (wear a flatter dress if you're feeling "fat", grab some concealer for those blemishs, do a quick shave for those hairy legs or simply wear sexy thigh highs to bed with nothing else *wink wink*)On an interesting note, I think the Christian community which can over-emphasize modesty and the spirit over the flesh adds to the problem. It's not just Hollywood. They're have been studies (which I wish I could recall the names of right now but I'm blanking...) that show some of the most image conscious women are in fundalentalist Islamic nations in the Middle East. Even though they see little to nothing of Western media and are covered head to toe, looking "perfect" is of upmost importance. Until the human body and particularly the female body is honored as God's creation, we'll sadly continue to struggle with this issue. I think the modern surge in body image issues is merely symptomatic of a larger problem that society thinks women should only be sexual as it applies to pleasing men, not for their own right to pleasure as sexual beings. This is surely evident in porn- where most of the women just look good and whether or not they orgasm (if they even ACTUALLY do instead of just faking it) is secondary, not to mention the basic premise of IMAGERY over imtimacy. Ugh…
Looking your best is great, but it should never be the primary goal. It should only be an outward reflection of inner beauty and happiness. There are enough non-invasive fixes out there that “imperfections” should never ruin your day (wear a flatter dress if you’re feeling “fat”, grab some concealer for those blemishs, do a quick shave for those hairy legs or simply wear sexy thigh highs to bed with nothing else *wink wink*)On an interesting note, I think the Christian community which can over-emphasize modesty and the spirit over the flesh adds to the problem. It’s not just Hollywood. They’re have been studies (which I wish I could recall the names of right now but I’m blanking…) that show some of the most image conscious women are in fundalentalist Islamic nations in the Middle East. Even though they see little to nothing of Western media and are covered head to toe, looking “perfect” is of upmost importance. Until the human body and particularly the female body is honored as God’s creation, we’ll sadly continue to struggle with this issue.

]]> By: Iris http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/2010/03/the-beauty-battle/comment-page-1/#comment-11417 Iris Tue, 16 Mar 2010 16:50:06 +0000 http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/?p=459#comment-11417 Love yr message girl! <3 Love yr message girl! <3

]]> By: SJGirl http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/2010/03/the-beauty-battle/comment-page-1/#comment-11415 SJGirl Mon, 15 Mar 2010 20:52:11 +0000 http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/?p=459#comment-11415 Awesome post! I am not yet married (or engaged, seeing anyone, etc.), but I DID spend 12 years with an eating disorder and can totally relate to the feelings you describe. During that time, the scale didn't simply show my weight, it determined my happiness for the day. One pound could literally put me in a great mood or plunge me into near despair. One pound -- how ridiculous! I spent four years in Christian counseling and now am SO much more comfortable in my skin. I look at pictures of myself years ago and am appalled at how emaciated I look. Now, I look alive. I no longer have people ask me if I'm doing ok or if I"m sick (literally). Do I love every part of my body now? No. But honestly, who cares? I'm content with myself, and I love being alive and healthy. And if I am blessed with a husband at some time, I believe I will bring a more "whole" person into the marriage. I didn't mean to make this post so lengthy - but all this to say thank you for sharing! Awesome post! I am not yet married (or engaged, seeing anyone, etc.), but I DID spend 12 years with an eating disorder and can totally relate to the feelings you describe. During that time, the scale didn’t simply show my weight, it determined my happiness for the day. One pound could literally put me in a great mood or plunge me into near despair. One pound — how ridiculous! I spent four years in Christian counseling and now am SO much more comfortable in my skin. I look at pictures of myself years ago and am appalled at how emaciated I look. Now, I look alive. I no longer have people ask me if I’m doing ok or if I”m sick (literally). Do I love every part of my body now? No. But honestly, who cares? I’m content with myself, and I love being alive and healthy. And if I am blessed with a husband at some time, I believe I will bring a more “whole” person into the marriage.

I didn’t mean to make this post so lengthy – but all this to say thank you for sharing!

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