Shannon Ethridge's Blog

This blog is best viewed at:
http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/2009/11/thanksgiving/

My husband of almost 20 years, Greg.

I like this picture because he’s not towering over me like he
usually does when he’s standing. At 6’7”, he towers over
everyone! He’ll be frying the turkey again this year. Once you
taste a deep fried turkey, you never go back to dry turkey out of
the oven! He’ll also rake the crumbly top off the sweet potato
casserole, eat it, and blame it on the kids, as well as try to hide
one of his mother’s famous pumpkin pies for later.

Our Daughter, Erin (17) & Our Son, Matthew (14)

Erin has less than 3 weeks before she graduates high
school 6 months early (with 50 college credits from Tyler
Junior College under her belt already). Yes, she’s really that
brilliant! She’ll fly back to Sydney, Australia on
February 15th and spend 10 months studying art & visual
communications at C3 College in Oxford Falls.
Matthew is growing faster and eating more than we ever
imagined possible! He now looks down on his mother and
sister, which he takes great delight in. But he’s got a long
way to go before he ever looks down on his dad! Matthew
is in the 9th grade at Christian Heritage School, makes
straight A’s, and tears up the basketball court every chance
he gets. His 3-pointer shot is quite incredible!

The newest additions to our family:

4 Maltese puppies born October 11, 2009.
Crimson, Clover, Donald & Penelope (who
was sleeping when this picture was made).
If you’d like to make one of these little
bundles of joy the newest addition to
YOUR family, they’ll be ready for
adoption the week of Christmas!
(hint, hint! The Perfect Christmas Present!)

Plus, I must also mention how thankful we are for our dear friends & supporters of
Shannon Ethridge Ministries! Your love & prayers mean more than we can express!
Happiest of Thanksgivings to you and yours!

You’ll LOVE this video about the Woman Caught in Adultery, performed by a friend of ours, Dani Rocca.  Many of us women can sympathize with this Biblical character.  Praise God we have a Savior who never throws stones!

We had an awesome “Girls Reflecting Glory” Conference in Sugarland, Texas this past weekend!  My daughter amazed me as she confidently took the microphone and shared some great nuggets of wisdom with the hundreds of 12-18 year old girls.  Made this Mama oh so proud!

Then our trip to Sugarland was made even sweeter when we had the opportunity meet author Stanley Leffew (www.notjustanight.com) and his lovely wife, Jessica at a local Starbuck’s for three hours of “God-gushing” (gushing over the great things God has done in our lives, marriages, and ministries).  In case his name sounds familiar, I’ve shared some excerpts from his “Sugar for My Coffee” e-newsletters before, which I enjoy so much, and I asked if I could please, please, please share his most recent one with you as well.  I didn’t have to twist his arm very hard before he relented.  (Thanks, Stanley!)

Enjoy…

Where Are All the REAL Gentlemen’s Clubs?

“Hey Stan, me and some of the other guys are going to a Gentlemen’s Club and want you to come along. Just note, saying no is not an acceptable response.”

Such were the ramblings of a young man who thought I, like a lot of other men around us on that same work project, would jump at the chance for this kind of night out with the boys.

Knowing he wasn’t familiar with my message that teaches all about being a man in a playboy world, I just laughed at him, said no thanks, and then politely directed him to my website. Although he never asked again, I couldn’t just let his question go.

So I went there!

No, not the Gentlemen’s Club!

I went to that place in my mind that attempts to make sense of a commonly accepted term that has no rational explanation for why it is so commonly accepted.

Gentlemen’s Club!

When I think of the word “gentlemen”, I never associate it with a smoke-filled room full of men drowning in a sea of flesh, being enticed to accept a cheap imitation for the gift of human sexuality.

The word GENTLEMEN to me is a word about being noble and respectful. It speaks of one who gives honor and bears the trademark of not demeaning in value the worth of another.

“Where are the REAL Gentlemen’s Clubs,” I asked myself!

Wouldn’t it be great to have a club where REAL men go to:

• Encourage each other to see women as more than full-of-brandy-eye-candy and toys-for-boys
• Inspire one another to be men of commitment and live out their sexuality for LEG-A-CY, not how much LEG-I-SEE
• Better follow the longing of the heart to be wanted for a lifetime of nights and not just a night of a lifetime
• Remind one another that sex is LESS ABOUT RELEASE and MORE ABOUT EMBRACE
• Help each other remember that SMUT spelled backwards is TUMS
• Grow in understanding that it is called PLAYBOY because it appeals to men who still play BOY with adolescent attitudes about women as sex objects
• Challenge each other with the reality that we are DESIGNED FOR DESIRE, but we also DESIRE FOR DESIGN
• Help each other see that humanity’s greatest needs are relational and spiritual – NOT SEXUAL
• Instruct one another in the truth about how 90% of couple-relating takes place OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM
• Remind one another that the emptiest people are those living their lives for the moment and missing the lifetime

Now, that’s the type of Gentlemen’s Club this loving husband and father would be most happy to go to with the guys. I think guys could learn a lot about being a man in this type of environment. How about it men, care to come along?

©Copyright advice-for-lifetime-relationships
by Stanley J. Leffew
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED!

www.notjustanight.com

“Don” writes via email:

Hi Shannon! Thank you for your site. My wife and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary! Our sex life has been good…except in one area. I was a virgin when we married. My wife was not, and I knew this. It did not bother me…until after we said “I do.” I began worrying “am I good enough to make her forget?…will she compare me?…will she have flashbacks when we are making love?…will I meet her expectations?”

My question: What do I do when the thoughts of her former sex partners come lofting into my mind?! The advice so far has been: stop playing tug-o-war with the devil…you can’t win…drop the rope (memories of her lovers). Do you have any extra encouragement/advice???

Uh huh, I do. Think about human nature. When we focus on what we SHOULDN’T or CAN’T or WON’T ALLOW ourselves to do, guess what we naturally do? We’re all the more tempted to do that very thing. Instead, focus on what you CAN or WILL CHOOSE to do. There is power in remaining positive. CHOOSE to win your wife’s trust, and you’ll win her heart. CHOOSE to become her dream lover (and this is far more about tenderness than technique), and I guarantee that all others will PALE in comparison.

Want to know HOW to make those kinds of healing choices? Read on…

My husband and I came into marriage 20 years ago with a similar dynamic. He walked into my world a 26-year old virgin. Between the ages of 15 and 20, I’d had more partners than any woman cares to admit. I forewarned Greg about “what kind of woman” he was interested in before we got engaged. He seemed undaunted. Even when I approached him after two years of marriage crying, “There’s no way you could possibly love me if you knew how many men there have been!”

“I don’t need to know how many, Shannon. But if you need to tell me, I’m willing to listen,” was his response. I spent a few days combing my memories and creating a long list. I approached him with a total number, braced for a look of disgust and a renunciation of his wedding vows. I vocalized the number, literally choking on the sound of it emitting from my mouth, so broken with shame and self-loathing.

“Even if you told me a number 100 times that, I’m still not going anywhere,” Greg replied. “Besides, I know that your past isn’t about you & me… it’s about you & your dad.” Although I didn’t understand that at the time, Greg was absolutely right. An emotionally distant father left a hole in my heart that I went looking for love to fill as a naïve teenager. Sadly, as a result, Greg wasn’t the first man I ever slept with, but I do intend him to be the last. And isn’t that what matters most?

So for 20 years, my husband has never even once thrown that number, or my inappropriate past, up in my face. Perhaps it’s bothered him at times, I don’t know. I can’t imagine how it couldn’t. But he’s never let me know it, and his commitment to me hasn’t wavered or waffled. If he’s had sexual insecurities as a result of my past, he’s dealt with them on his own, which has certainly helped me deal with my own. And as my sexual confidence quotient has risen, I think Greg’s sexual confidence has risen as well. It’s definitely been a win-win.

So my advice, Don, is to buck up and be the man she needs you to be. Be “Jesus with skin on” to her. Let your life and love paint her a vivid picture of God’s unconditional love and mercy. Teach her that her self-worth is not based on her sexual scorecard, but on who she is in Christ. And most of all, don’t take her sexual mistakes personally. It was most likely never about you. So be a sexually confident husband, and you’ll inspire her to be a sexually confident wife.

Richest blessings,
Shannon

P.S. I’d also encourage both you and your wife to read Part 2 in The Sexually Confident Wife called “Confronting Ghosts from the Past” – I think it will bring a lot more healing in your marriage bed!

It’s always interesting to see which information “sticks” with me after a conference. Just like anyone else, some nuggets of wisdom sink to the bottom of my brain, and others float to the top to guide my future thoughts.

As I continue reflecting on the amazing EveryWoman Conference at C3 Church in Sydney last weekend, the theme that continues to resonate with me most is something Pastor Chris Pringle shared in her message:

Mother Theresa was a great example of this. When she was invited to participate in an anti-war demonstration, she declined saying, “I don’t care to be in an anti-war march. But if you do a peace march, let me know.” She didn’t want to be known as a rebel of war. She wanted to be known as a revolutionary of peace.

When I first started speaking in 1996, I was definitely a rebel with a cause. “Abstinence until marriage” was my #1 theme. I wanted to save young people from themselves and their run-away sex drives. I laugh hysterically at that now. It’s not that I don’t still hope that single people save sex until marriage, for that is truly God’s best plan for our lives. But I’ve come to understand that there’s a much bigger picture to the ministry God has called me to.

It’s not just about saying “no” to pre-marital sex, unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity, broken hearts, etc. etc. It’s really about saying “yes” to a lifestyle of sexual integrity, sexual intimacy in marriage, and intimacy with God. It’s about fully becoming the glorious women (and men) God designed us to be. It’s about embracing our sexuality as a blessing rather than a burden, and being a good steward of it rather than squandering it or being afraid of it.

I don’t want to go down in history as a rebel. I want to be known as a revolutionary – a revolutionary for healthy sexuality and spirituality!

What about you? What part of the world are you called to revolutionize? Your church? Your children’s school? Your office environment? Your home?

Is your approach a negative one that leaves others feeling attacked or judged? If so, you may be seen by others as a rebel, and that’s most likely not the most effective approach. Try looking through a positive lens at how you can improve the situation. Pray about how you can equip and empower others to change for the better, and be a revolutionary that truly impacts the world for good!

Monday, November 2, 1 p.m.

I’m sitting in the San Francisco Airport, remembering why I find international travel such a challenge! We just got off of a grueling 14-hour flight with screaming babies who didn’t have a clue how annoying they were being, a loud hateful woman who surely had a clue how annoying she was being (but obviously didn’t care), and the most fierce turbulence I’ve ever experienced on a plane. I actually grabbed my 17-year old daughter’s hand (who was turning green from the mid-air roller coaster ride) and said, “Let’s pray!” What I really meant was, “Oh my gosh, this might be our last prayer ever so let’s make it a good one!” We wanted to kiss the ground when we landed. And here we sit, exhausted, emotionally fragile, and have another 4-hour flight to look forward to before seeing our special guys at DFW Airport — husband Greg, son Matthew, & boyfriend Brian (obviously Erin’s boyfriend, not mine!)

I’ve occasionally wondered if the intense international flight experiences are really worth all the effort & energy required. But once I arrive at my destination and God begins working in us and through us, I’m reminded why I love what I do.

Some of the highlights from Sydney include seeing hundreds of new bras hanging on a clothesline in front of Christian City Church in “support” of their African women’s mission: Operation Uplift (clever, huh?) and watching over 1,500 women of all ages wave white flags (Kleenex) in surrender of all of their sexual and emotional baggage – Wow!

Yeah, it’s worth having the 300 lb. man in front of me press his seat firmly into my kneecaps for hours at a time when I eventually get to see hundreds of women fall to their kneecaps in worship of the God I so love to talk about from stage. The multiple hours of sleeplessness are a small price to pay to see women inspired to go home and make love to their husbands with reckless abandon. And the bland airplane cuisine is a frequent reminder of what Jesus said: “I have food that no one knows about – doing my Father’s will!” (SEV – Shannon Ethridge version)

Am I satisfied with the traveler’s life? You bet. What a posh calling compared to some pastors & missionaries! I may be miserable in the moment, sitting here in the airport, but once I have a steamy shower… and a homemade meal… and a nice long nap to relieve the jet lag, I’ll be ready to go again, ready for the privilege of wearing God’s nametag once again.

Next stop? Sugarland (Houston), Texas for the Girls Reflecting Glory Conference Nov. 13th and 14th — which thankfully will NOT require an international flight!

Pressing on with gratitude,
Shannon