Ladies, nobody can turn their sex drive on and off like a light switch. If I don’t masturbate, I get frustrated, irritable, depressed, and lust much more than if I don’t. I find many of my thoughts turning to sex if I don’t masturbate. I also find concentrating difficult, and I find myself being attracted to women I usually wouldn’t give a second thought to. [Not a good thing, because I am so sex hungry anything seems appealing.]

Yes, anyone can make a well reasoned argument that no one should ever masturbate.

But let’s say it this way “You should never have an orgasm unless you are married and with your spouse.”

Now doesn’t that sound absolutely stupid? Of course it does. As a 35 year old male, I cant just stop my sex drive.

My wife left me in May 2004, and I have not even held hands with a woman since. There are times I feel like I am going to go insane with sexual hunger, but all I can do is masturbate if I am to stay sexually pure.

That’s all I can say. For someone to tell me that it is God’s will that single people, especially those who know what sexual gratification feels like, to suffer with the torment of unfulfilled needs with no righteous way out, I just cant buy it.

My spouse has been away for three years (not my choice but there’s nothing I can do about it) and the only reason I have stayed faithful is that I have masturbated to ease things up a bit, If I dont I WILL be opening myself up for temptation of adultery. I happen to have a very healthy apetite and if masturbation will keep me from adultery and sinning, then I certainly will and will not feel remorseful because there’s nothing wrong with it as long as I am thinking only of my spouse

My spouse has been away for three years (not and the only reason I have stayed faithful ( is that I have masturbated to tI am not one of those women who have issues with sex, I believe its a gift from God, I have gratefully received my gift and I enjoy it)

I really appreciate the way that you approached this subject. I have been on both sides of this argument and have really wrestled with this issue over the years. I was 11 or 12 when I started masturbating. Sex, puberty, and things of that nature were not openly discussed in our household (though they weren’t avoided or discouraged, either). Mostly, I was just embarrassed to talk about it with my mom. I asked her if I could check a book out of the library instead, and ask her questions if I had any. She agreed. There was a section in there about masturbation and it endorsed it as natural and okay – unless your priest or pastor had said otherwise. Well… I grew up in a very conservative church, so you had better believe that there had never been any sermons on masturbation! I naively experimented and quickly became addicted.

From that time until I was in college, I struggled with overwhelming shame and guilt that paralyzed my walk with God and kept me from seeking counsel from those older and wiser. I would go days, weeks, months, or even a year at a time without masturbating, then I would cave. I know now that guilt and shame that paralyze come from the enemy, while conviction that motivates me to change comes from the Lord. I didn’t understand God’s grace and forgiveness, and as a result I felt unworthy of Him. I kept thinking that if I could get this habit under control, THEN I could approach Him and seek forgiveness and freedom from the bondage I was in.

When I got to college, God began to teach me about His character. I realized that without God’s help, I would NEVER walk free from this addiction. I began to recognize that the paralyzing shame and fear came from the enemy, and began to seek TRUTH about God’s character in the Word. I confessed my struggles to my fiance, who challenged me with truth from the Word and shared his own struggles with shame as a result of masturbation (note: by God’s grace and LOTS of boundaries that we set, we were able to maintain a pure physical relationship before marriage… however, I would highly recommend to someone in a similar position to involve someone outside the relationship for the sake of accountability and perspective). Slowly, I began to walk in free from the bondage of addiction.

Now, 4 years later, I can say that God has been faithful. I still deal with the consequences of my sin (not the act of masturbation itself, but my addiction and my pride in refusing to ask God to help me walk free of it) – my husband and I are still in the process of retraining our bodies to find pleasure in one another (it’s been a longer process for me than for him, which I think is typical). We do engage in manual stimulation, but I do think that when we are together, it’s a different thing entirely. I still struggle sometimes with the temptation to satisfy my desires apart from my husband (like Shannon and her husband, we have a “no masturbation” rule, too) and have to confess when I fail.

However, as I have come to understand God’s character even more and have spent more and more time in His word, I find myself less and less paralyzed by shame and more sensitive to the spirit’s conviction. It is interesting – shame and guilt begin to creep in even during the act of masturbation and overwhelm afterward, while conviction can turn my heart to obedience even before I complete the act. There is such freedom in obedience!

I would encourage young ladies out there to begin to ask God to help you walk free of masturbation if you no longer have control over your impulses. I would often find comfort in masturbation if I was lonely, hurt, sad, tired, etc. rather than turning to God or to other believers. I would encourage you to seek out truth in Scripture and ask God to help you identify shame that comes from the enemy vs. conviction that comes from the Spirit, and ask Him to give you the strength and help that you need to walk in freedom.

I would also caution those who engage in masturbation and do not see it as sin – while I would agree with you in saying that the act, in and of itself, is not inherently sinful, I think the enemy can use it in a powerful way. In my case, it was a subtle enslavement over a long period of time as I became less and less inclined to exercise self control. The danger in masturbation is that it is such a private act and there is generally little or no accountability.

Lastly – to all the moms out there – please speak openly with your children about this issue, even though I know it can be uncomfortable. Had I been warned about the addictive potential of masturbation beforehand, I may never have ventured down this path (or I may have been able to exercise greater self control, thus keeping myself from addiction).

Thank you, Shannon, for opening this discussion. It is refreshing to see a balanced perspective on masturbation, and it is healing to be able to share some of my experience.

Intimacy is a large part of the marriage. I believe that Stanley said it best. “Sex is not morally wrong, but perfectly normal. However, it has the propensity to be misused until it becomes morally wrong”.

Shannon, I applaud you for this topic, it is one that’s never discussed in Christian circles. I especially like that you and your husband took the issue before God and agreed based on what you interpeted from the Word.

My husband was in the military and was away for long periods of time. Yes, I choose to masterbate, however, my husband and I, sat down talked about it and made our decision. I guarantee you that my thoughts were only of him. I applaud those military spouses who are committed to their husbands. As a military spouse we have far bigger concerns, than made to feel guilty because we miss the intimate part of marriage.

This is a great posting, and one I will be sharing with our woman’s group. Christ commands us to love one another and if you see your fellow saint fall, pray for them, not judge.

I can’t begin to describe the guilt that I feel every time it’s over. I’m not married, only 19, and I know in my heart that it’s a sin, although I’d like to believe all that I hear about it being healthy for girls to discover how their body works and how to achieve and orgasm before they get married. I couldn’t disagree more. To know that I’ve deprived my future husband the joy of being the first to bring me that point of total physical happiness, to know that the fun of figuring everything out as a married couple won’t be the same is almost unbearable.

I don’t see anything wrong with masturbation in marriage as long as both husband and wife are ok with it. But I honestly believe that, although the actual act is not a sin, all that comes with it outside of marriage (imagining someone other than your husband since you don’t have one, becoming somewhat obsessed with it) are sins. That’s just me.

To all of the moms out there that have never struggled with masturbation, come to the conclusion of weather it’s right or wrong and talk to your daughter about it as she enters her teenage years. My mom was very uncomfortable talking with me about it and actually laughed at some of the questions that I would ask her as a thirteen/fourteen year old. It hurts to not have any women n my life that I feel comfortable talking with my addiction to.

Does anyone have any books you recommend on this topic? I have Every Young Woman’s Battle but I kind of feel like I’ve outgrown that one.