Comments on: Teens & Sex Toys: A Sticky Subject

By: Tisa

Tisa — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 19:41:49 +0000

Before I even say anything I am going to make one thing very clear (hopefully). What I think, and how I feel about masturbation is my own personal opinion. It may not agree with your opinions and that is totally understandable. Just try to understand that.
This whole conversation makes me think of Romans chapter 14. Paul is talking about the danger of criticism! Yes there is a right and there is a wrong. The bible says that some things are wrong. Black as night. The do not cross line. Things like stealing and adultry, obeying the wishes of your parents.
But there are things that God doesn’t say YES or NO to. Specifically talked about and very contraversial in the time Romans was written was vegetarianism. Does God say that vegetarians are better and cleaner(more holy) than those who eat meat? No! God doesn’t think that one is better than the other. Because it was on the one persons conscience to not eat meat, doesn’t make the person who eats meat guilty. But Paul advises Christians to build each other up in what they believe to be true. If someone isn’t a vegetarian, don’t tear them down for being “cruel” and “barbaric” by eating the flesh of a once living animal. Don’t guilt them into being a vegetarian because you think believe eating meat is wrong. God loves each and every person individually! He wants for us to build each other up and for each of us to become confidant in who we are, unique and different. No two people are alike.
“So don’t condemn each other anymore. Decide to live in such a way that you will not put an obstacle in another Christian’s path.” Romans 14:13
To relate all that I just said to the topic at hand, in case you have no idea how any of this relates to masturbation, I will try to explain it.
Masturbation CAN be sinful. But it doesn’t have to be in every situation. I will say that I believe it to be a sin if you are lusting after someone in your heart while you masturbate because emotionally, you -may as well- be having sex with them. Now, I am in my late teens and completely understand how hormones can throw you off guard. I am a virgin, but I still have sexual desires. That doesn’t make me abnormal in any way. We are created to be sexual beings. It’s our nature. When you use that nature against God’s design, by joining yourself to someone else emotionally at that level without any commitment, you are hurting yourself and setting yourself up for confusion and pain. If you just masturbate for the hormonal release, to feel better about yourself, more confidant, more in control of your emotions, then fine. Just don’t masturbate with someone on your heart and mind.

I pray that one day God will send me someone that I can bond to. Someone who is stronger in their faith then I am, who can lead me in the paths that God has for me, and encourage and strengthen me. But until then I will guard my heart and follow God’s will.

I look at the arguing and frustration in the comments above, and I wonder how God feels about the division. Why can’t we simply discuss our opinions and accept that others will think differently? We should be encouraging and strengthening other Christians, not making them feel guilty about things that God hasn’t placed conviction upon their hearts for. If someone is truely and EARNESTLY seeking the will of God, God will show his will to them. Leave the guilt, conviction and condemning to God. Just know that God wants us to encourage and strengthen others.
So just remember that and try more of “Pray about it, read the bible and listen to the Spirit’s leading” and less of “It’s WRONG! You’re an evil sinner and God doesn’t agree with that.”

By: mick

mick — Sun, 31 May 2009 05:43:18 +0000

You have to realize that teens are not pron to common sense or rational behavior.

They are going to get involved in some sort of sexual activity as early as 10 years old. The question is do you want them pregnant or satiated.

Any information they could possible want is on TV or the internet.

My daughter opened a Fredrick’s account when she was 15. She would intercept her orders and the catalogs from the mail. I got home early one day and found i have ordered a bunch of lingerie. That was 20 years ago before you could order drugs and a hookers on the internet.

By: Maria

Maria — Tue, 12 May 2009 18:04:26 +0000

Is an orgasm different than intercourse? Yes. That’s what I said, and I am correct. If the question is: is masturbation sex? Then, we will have different answers. But it is *fact* that a solo orgasm and intercourse are very, very different.

Kaite, my first sentence to Pearlsy was to *encourage* her to abstain from something she felt was wrong. Where are you getting that I’m trying to twart her??!! And 16 is not that young, plus it was her choice to post. I’ve not been nasty to her, but I’m not going to condscend to her either. If she felt she was intelligent and eloquent enough to participate in this conversation, I will be happy to converse with her.

And I’m not currently agruing in emotions or even right or wrong. We all have different views, which is why I’ve repeatedly said, if someone feels masturbation is wrong in their life, marriage or as a Christian, then don’t do it! I support you, 110%!

But biologically and factually, masturbation and intercourse are two very different things with very different outcomes. I will not apologize for pointing out simple biology! My 10 year old just had sex ed in school and even she knows there is a difference.

But *is* masturbation sex? I don’t believe so. There are lots of “sexually motivated” behavior, from a guy buying a girl a drink, to eating at Hooters, to a woman wearing a low-cut top to turn on her husband. “Sexually motivated phenomneas” could be all the women on TV being skinny and beautiful, even when their TV husbands are fat and bald. Or the way the rap industry portrays women ( yuck! ). People orgasm in their sleep! Are they “having sex” then too? It just seems over the top.

By: Carol

Carol — Tue, 12 May 2009 17:14:08 +0000

Webster Dictionary definition of sex:

1. sex
Function: noun
1: either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures
2: the sum of the structural, functional, and behavioral characteristics of organisms that are involved in reproduction marked by the union of gametes and that distinguish males and females
3 a: sexually motivated phenomena or behavior
b: sexual intercourse
4: genitalia

2 sex
Function: transitive verb
1: to identify the sex of
2 a: to increase the sexual appeal of
b: to arouse the sexual desires of

Webster’s definition of masturbation:
mas·tur·ba·tion Listen to the pronunciation of masturbation
Function: noun
erotic stimulation especially of one’s own genital organs commonly resulting in orgasm and achieved by manual or other bodily contact exclusive of sexual intercourse, by instrumental manipulation, occasionally by sexual fantasies, or by various combinations of these agencies

I don’t see anything in the definition of sex with respect to getting pregnant, passing along an STD, loss of reputation, cause heartbreak, lead to abortion. Masturbation is a form of sex that involves arousal of sexual desires and falls within the definition of: sexually motivated phenomena or behavior.

What I’ve learned from my own experience from compulsive masturbating is that there are consequences in my behavior – low self-esteem, shame, my work/productivity suffered, relationships with God and people were non-existent, and my beliefs about intimacy were lies – to name a few.

Pearlsy – thank you very much for expressing your thoughts, experiences, and concerns! God bless you.

By: Katie

Katie — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:51:35 +0000

Ok Maria I really think it is ok to talk to adults like this but when a child talks openly about her life and her struggles, why can’t we as adults encourage her in what she does feel is wrong. We all know what you think about masturbation and we have said we agree to disagree. But please encourage not argue a point with a child that has her OWN experiences and a life we have no idea about!

By: Maria

Maria — Tue, 12 May 2009 15:34:54 +0000

Pearlsy, if you feel masturbation is wrong and against against God’s wishes for you, then it’s ri9ght *for you* to stop.

But to disagree that mastrubation and sex are two different things, is completely ridiculous! Masturbation will not cuase pregnancy, pass along an STD, it won’t cause loss of reputation, the need for birth control and the responsibility that comes with it, it won’t cause heartbreak ( that a break-up with a guy would ) or lead to abortion.

Making the right choices for you, doesn’t change simple biology!

By: Katie

Katie — Tue, 12 May 2009 15:12:00 +0000

Pearlsy

I am so glad that someone your age is speaking out. It takes a lot of courage to say the things you said. I 100 % agree with you and it is uplifting to know that someone your age is seeing the temptation and seeking God and knows just how powerful the Devil is. Stay strong and I will and I know these other women will be praying for you and other teens! God bless you in your walk with Christ.

By: Pearlsy

Pearlsy — Tue, 12 May 2009 09:10:10 +0000

(Giving yourself an orgasm is completely different from actual sex)
whoa, whoa ,whoa
i disagree with the above statement. i am a 16 years and a child of God. i sometimes masturbate but thanks to what i have learnt, i have stopped. most young people when masturbating think about sexual movies they have watched and imagine themselves as those women. i used to think about my husband,and how we were going to live, then i start thinking about sex with him, then i imagine him as the hunky guy i saw in the film the other day, then BOOM! MASTURBATION. it is really easy to fall into temptation. AND I CAN TELL U THAT MASTURBATION IS 100% WRONG.why? because i have experinced it and i found it really hard to stop. even though i went to the altar to pray for forgiveness, i still came back and did it again. IT IS ALL ABOUT THE WAY YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO WORLDLY THINGS, FILMS, MAGAZINES. JESUS!, THEY ARE MANY. THEY might seen OK but i tell you the truth, it is alluring. In this world, the truth is hard to accept, even when we know that we are doing the wrong thing, we say everybody is doing it so…….. SO WHAT?. WILL YOU KILL YOUR MOTHER BECAUSE EVERYBODY IS DOING IT?. I WOULDN’T DO THAT.i came from a country that pratice female genital mutilation. Even though the government is trying to stop tribes who practice this, they are at the same time influencing the sexual practices. PEOPLE, WE HAVE GOT TO SEE THAT THE DEVIL IS AT WORK. he COMES WITH A GREAT ARMY TO DESTROY THE WORD OF GOD. WE HAVE GOT TO SEE IT IN THIS PERSPECTIVE. WHY IS IT THAT WE HAVE GOT MANY DIFFERENT BIBLES IN THE WORLD ALL PREACHING ABOUT DIFFERNT THINGS? THE DEVIL HAS TRIED SO MANY WAYS TO PREVAIL THE CHURCH. he IS USING OUR HEARTS, THE WORD THAT GUIDES US, THE PEOPLE THAT GOVERN US, THE MEDIA. OH MY GOD. IF ARE GOING TO ELIMINATE THIS, WE HAVE GOT TO LOOK AT THESE THINGS.

By: Maria

Maria — Wed, 06 May 2009 21:06:49 +0000

Meghan, congratulations on your upcoming wedding and marriage!
We are in different places in life and I think that very much affects our views and priorites. I have two daughters, one will be going into puberty soon. So, my goals are to get them to adulthood without getting pregnant, getting a disease, getting assauted, getting their reputation ruined, getting their heart-broken nad just surviving!

While I hope they don’t have sex while teens, and will bhe encouraged not to, I’m not naivee to the fact that they are sexual beings. For me as a mother, it’s more important that they don’t have sex; not that they don’t mastrubate ( which is where this whole discussion began! )
I also see very close up, the society teens live in, and know if I set the standards so high for them, they are almost certainly doomed to failure and the guilt nad loss of self-esteem that accompnaies it.

So, my point about most people not being virgins when they marry, is that I don’t want to assume my daughter’s will be asexual and fail to teach them about all the other things that go along with sex. People have sex drives. Most people ( yes, even teens ) give. As a mom, it’s better for them to mastrubate, then actually have sex.

By: Meghan

Meghan — Wed, 06 May 2009 15:43:27 +0000

Maria,
Thankyou for your response. One thing that I really appreciate is when people are willing to think through their views and don’t back down based on human opinion. I am also very passionate about studying the bible contextualy it’s so much more real and alive that way and it lends to a more objective interpretation because it attempts to remove our own opinions from the picture.
While we have come to different conclusions on this matter I highly appreciate the challenge of another independent thinker!
I do have just one more thought.
At the end of your response you mentioned that all of our talk doesn’t change the fact that people rarely remain virgins until marriage. To me, whether or not people fulfill Gods commands does not change his commands. Christ has called us to do hard things, like taking up our crosses and denying ourselves to follow him. Few people ever deny themselves, but this doesn’t change what Christ has asked of us. And oh the sweetness of walking with Christ as he has asked us. It is far more gratifying and pleasing than any orgasm. (and when we get to have sex within his commands, how great is that!!!). God is so good and his commands aren’t a burdeon. They are only difficult when we haven’t died to ourselves.
I’m personally a virgin and I’m getting married in October. I find it delightful to obey God and offer him my living sacrifice as I abstain. That doesn’t change how much I crave sex and look forward to it. But as a 24 year old young lady, I prefer to experience the greater pleasures of sticking to Gods boundaries.

Your thoughts are good for all of us, and I’m thankful that our differing views have caused you no offense.