Shannon’s SCW Blog

I received the following question via email from Leslie:

I recently found myself at a red light of a forbidden emotional attachment that has went on for almost two years. Thankfully, I began to take measures to get out of it and just when I thought I was going to crash I received Every Woman’s Battle in the mail. It’s given me strength and hope, but I see this person everyday at work. God has graciously moved me to another side of the office where I cannot see the person as frequently, and although we have ceased all communication, the things that I discussed with him still pop in my head. I know it is wrong, but I kind of miss him and the talks we had. I have just started counseling again concerning this matter. I know I am taking the steps to correct my thoughts as outlined in your chapter on Guarding Your Heart, but I am struggling over whether to confess to my husband all that’s happened. I fear he will never look at me the same. He may see me as unstable and unfaithful not to mention vulnerable for allowing this to happen for so long. I don’t want the drama of leaving for work with him being all paranoid. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. I just want to get pass this point and never experience it again for this was the first and last time.

Dear Leslie (and every other woman who finds themselves in similar situations):

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing such emotional turmoil. Not knowing your husband personally, I can’t recommend one way or the other whether you share these details with him. Some husbands are able to look past a wife’s weaknesses to her needs and provide wonderful support and accountability. In those cases, I’d say SHARE! Invite him into your healing process! Other, more insecure husbands, can let their jealous imaginations run wild and add heavier loads onto their wives’ shoulders. In that case, a counselor and/or female accountability partner is the way to overcome. Only you know your husband well enough to know how he’d react to all of this, and how beneficial that reaction would be to your healing process.

I’m glad you’re reading Every Woman’s Battle and seeing a counselor. THAT is key, and remember that the only way to kill a craving is to starve it to death. This includes emotional cravings. They won’t die as long as you feed them, but they waste away when they aren’t fed. Give YOURSELF what you’re craving from him — unconditional love, acceptance, and massive doses of attention. Treat YOURSELF to relaxing lunch outings or movies or walks or whatever you crave.

I also encourage you to give God every chance to romance you in quiet moments with Him rather than looking for love in all the wrong places. After you finish reading Every Woman’s Battle, I encourage you to read Completely His (available at www.shannonethridge.com) to help you in this process. It will cause you fall so desperately head over heels in love with your heavenly Bridegroom, Jesus Christ, that all other men will simply pale in comparison. You’ll even be able to take the burden of responsibility off of your own husband’s shoulders to meet all of your emotional needs, because you’ll realize that God is the only one that possesses such a magical elixir that will satisfy your soul in such a complete way.

Finally, don’t forget to recognize and cherish your little victories. Every day that you’re able to avoid inappropriate relating with this guy is a day of VICTORY for you. Celebrate that. Perhaps find a Celebrate Recovery Support Group so that others can celebrate with you and be encouraged by your strength as well. Being in community with fellow strugglers is incredibly healing!

If all of these measures still aren’t enough to overcome this emotional office affair, don’t hesitate to look for another job!  There is NEVER any shame in RUNNING from temptation if it’s nipping at your heels.  Who knows?  Perhaps this painful situation will ultimately lead you to much greener pastures with another company.  Open yourself to that possibility, and trust God with your future.  As you’re pursuing personal righteousness and faithfulness in your marriage, He’ll certainly take care of you.

Lifting you in prayer for keen discernment, supernatural strength, and peace that passes all understanding,

Shannon