Shannon Ethridge's Blog

Why?  Because even researchers are now saying that if you want a sexy, passionate and intense love relationship, then you need to be monogamous. That’s according to a survey of men and women ages 25 to 65 conducted by Hearts On Fire. A whopping 92% of both men and women share the belief that monogamy is sexy, and 83% agree that the best kind of relationship is a monogamous one that is passionate and intense.

What a surprise… regardless of what pornography and the mass media have been trying to portray as “sexy” all these years, it turns out that people actually agree with the Bible’s definition of “sexy.”  Read Song of Solomon and see what I mean!

Wishing you complete monogamy and sexy feelings toward your spouse,

Shannon

Last night I watched a digitally recorded episode of The Office.  Branch Manager Michael Scott (played by Steve Carrell) had broken up with his DIstrict Manager girlfriend, Jan, because she was angry, mean, controlling, manipulative, condescending, etc.  Two weeks later, she walks in with a new set of fake boobs, and Michael caves completely.  Forgetting their plethora of problems, he dives back into the sack with her simply out of fascination with her new bulging breasts.  Everyone else around The Office notices too, of course, and all kinds of comments are made, both positive and negative, the funniest being Creed’s response:  “I like ‘em au-naturale, Baby!  Swing Low, Sweet Chariot!”

This show reminded me of a Facebook inquiry I recently received, and this gal (I’ll call her Karen) really wanted advice as to what she should do.  She was contemplating breast implants because she’d caught her husband repeatedly looking at pornography portraying tall, thin women with really big breasts.  She bemoaned, “I’m tall and thin, but I only have B’s, and I’d really like to have DD’s!”

It reminded me of the funny card I saw in a Papyrus store recently, explaining the real meaning behind bra sizes:  A=almost boobs, B=barely boobs, C=cup-full-of-boobs, D=damn!, DD=double-damn!, E=enormous!

I replied to Karen that I think the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.  While I wouldn’t describe myself as “tall & thin” necessarily, I do wear a DD bra.  And I’ve longed to have breast reduction surgery at times (until I learned there’s a high risk of nerve damage).  I see magazine pictures with fit & trim women and their perky B-cup breasts and I think, “I’m relatively fit & trim, so why do I have to lug these jugs around?”  The answer?  Genetics.  My mother was blessed in the breast department, and my grandmother, well, let’s just say she was generously endowed!  But in Heaven, when I get my new body, I want B-cups!

I wouldn’t throw a stone at women for getting breast enhancement surgery if that’s truly a driving desire of their hearts.  I’ve known a couple of women who got breast implants because they were so flat they didn’t fill their blouse or lingerie out at all.  “The flaps just lay there against my rib cage!  It doesn’t feel sexy at all to feel like a pre-pubescent girl!” one exclaimed.  I never blamed her or thought she was vain for simply wanting to look and feel better in their clothes.

But I’ve also known women who really regret getting breast implants.  One said, “I just wanted my husband’s attention, but now I’ve got EVERY man’s attention!  It’s overwhelming, exhausting, and degrading.”  Another said, “I think I got mine too large.  I’ve been told that I look promiscuous, and I hate that.”  Yet another had hers surgically removed after six months because once the initial fascination wore off, she found them difficult to hide from the public’s view, a burden during exercise, and a distraction to both the men and women in her office.  “I gave them too much to talk about, and I hated feeling like everyone was whispering behind my back about my boob job, so I took them out.”  She also bemoaned, “I’ve spent enough money on plastic surgery, bigger bras & clothes, reversal surgery, and smaller bras & clothes to finance most of my son’s college education, and that’s money I can never recooperate or invest more wisely.  I’m kicking myself.”

Maybe it’s just easy for me to say, “Fake boobs aren’t worth it!” because I’ve been naturally blessed.  Perhaps I’d feel differently if I wasn’t.  But again, I wish most days that I didn’t have this much of them.  I told my husband about the Facebook inquiry, and asked, “Do you wish I had B-boobs instead of DD-boobs?”  It was a dangerous question, I know, but he tiptoed through the landmine beautifully.  He said, “Well, I’ve never had B-boobs, so I don’t know.  I love your boobs just the way they are.  All men should love their wives’ boobs just because they belong to HER.”

Yeah.  I liked that.  Beyond that rack of boobage, whether large or small, silicone or au-naturale, lies a heart yearning for unconditional love… for acceptance and affirmation… for attention and affection.  Is THAT what women are paying thousands of dollars for when they get breast implants?  My guess is you can’t put a price tag on these things.  The insecurities and relational issues we have BEFORE surgery will only remain (and even escalate) after surgery.

Karen (the Facebook inquiry) wanted lots of advice about whether she should go through with breast implants or not, so please offer your own loving words of wisdom.  What would YOUR advice be if a woman posed such a question to you?

Wishing you much confidence in your cups, whether they sag or overflow!

Shannon

I asked the question last month “How will YOU float your Valentine’s boat?” and we got lots of creative responses, both on our blog page and also on my FaceBook page.  I wanted to highlight my top 3 favorites, as a way of reminding you to be spontaneous and create some sort of Valentine’s Day every month of the year! 

Lindsay’s idea gets points for being “green” (recyclable)…

Last year I made my husband a home-made gift of “coupons” redeemable only in our house. One was for a massage, one was for a hot bath together, one was for a fun night out, one was for a fun night in.. and then I laminated them so they could be re-usable! The neat thing about these is they’re 100% customizable and totally cost-effective!

And both of the following ideas come from Tracy, who gets major points for creativity!

As I spoke this week at a Celebrate Recovery meeting at Green Acres Baptist Church, I couldn’t help be reminded of how grateful I am to be a sex & love addict… in RECOVERY!

I remember slithering into my first Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous group in 1996, completely broken.  After my incredibly promiscuous teen years (probably over 50 partners between the ages of 15 & 2o years old), I thought putting the wedding band on my finger and becoming Mrs. Greg Ethridge had changed everything.  Unfortunately, 6 years into our marriage, I realized that my wedding band had changed absolutely nothing about me except my last name.

I remained incredibly vulnerable to the powerful lure of emotional infidelity, and I knew that on any given day I was only a phone call away from indulging in an extramarital affair.  To do so would have ripped me away from a man who loves me dearly, and two young children who depended on me to hold it all together.  And thanks to my support group and the grace of God, I did indeed hold on to my emotional sobriety.  We’ll celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary next month, and my children celebrate their 17th & 14th birthdays next week.  Oh, THANK GOD I’m still here to celebrate all of this as part of this precious family!!!!  I can’t think of anywhere else on earth I’d rather be!

If you’re struggling to remain faithful in your marriage, I encourage you to PLEASE FIND A CELEBRATE RECOVERY GROUP or Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous (S.L.A.A.) group in your area.  Although it’s an incredibly humbling thing to recognize the magnitude of your own stuff and the power all of it holds over your life and the lives of those you love, it’s worth it to put on your big girl panties and deal with those issues before it’s too late to spare yourself, your husband, and your family such pain.

Rather than letting your extramarital fantasies and desires become a stumbling block,  turn them into building blocks.  Build the life and marriage you’ve always dreamed of.  The answer isn’t finding a different man.  The answer is becoming a different person yourself.  Become the woman you’ve always wanted to be, and you’ll inspire the marriage relationship you’ve always wanted to have.

It’s been 20 years since I had an inappropriate sexual relationship.  It’s been 11 years since I had an inappropriate emotional entanglement.  And I give thanks for every ounce of strength God has given me for every step of my journey.

Wishing you strength for your journey,

Shannon

P.S.  Do you need a good book on recovering from female sex & love addiction?  If so, I recommend my first book, Words of Wisdom for Women at the Well.  Order any book from www.shannonethridge.com between now and March 31st, use the code SPRING, and receive a a 25% discount.  You’ll also receive my follow up book, Words of Wisdom for Well Women, absolutely free.

Do you daydream about impacting others through your own writing or speaking?  Or if you’re already writing and speaking, do you long to reach even more people with your message?  If so, I want to encourage you to stop DREAMING, and start DOING!  It’s worth every ounce of energy you’ll invest when you hear testimonies like the ones I receive every day.  For example, Michelle recently emailed:

I purchased The Sexually Confident Wife and WOW! What an excellent book and great advice. I have been married for 21 years and was considering divorce. I belittled, ridiculed, made my husband feel inadequate. We’ve never had a great sex life, with no sex at all in two years. I don’t read that much, but saw your book and I am so happy that I read it. Our sex life is great, great, great and we are getting along and even parenting our four children together. I have purchased your other books and my hubby is reading them as well. We even go on dates and shopping together, things we’ve never done before. Thank you so much!

That one brought tears to everyone in our house!  Or another example is a young woman that approached me this week after I spoke to a MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) group.  She said, “I’ve heard you speak three times in three years, and every time you KICK my BUTT and tell me exactly what I need to hear to hang on to my marriage and make it work!  Thank you for being my inspiration — I really want a happy marriage and great sex life and I’m not giving up until we get it!”  Oh, that’s music to a speaker’s ears!

So let me ask you — What kind of message has God laid on YOUR heart to share with other women, or couples, or youth?  If you could write a book about anything, or speak to an audience about the topic you’re most passionate about, what would that look like?  What kind of difference could YOU make in this world?

As exciting as it sounds to be such a difference-maker, discouragement usually sets in quickly.  The publishing industry is incredibly complex and difficult to break into. As my writing mentor said years ago, “You can feel like a tiny grain of sand on an entire continent of beach when you’re trying to get published!” Boy, do I remember that feeling.

I sense that there are lots of you who are experiencing that feeling right now. Perhaps God has tapped you on the shoulder and said, “I want YOU to be my voice!” If so, I sense God tapping ME on the shoulder and saying, “I want YOU to teach them how!”

In response to this calling, I’m launching a new one-year program starting this September called B.L.A.S.T. (Building Leaders, Authors, Speakers & Teachers). I’ll meet one day per month with a select group of aspiring writers and speakers, attempting to teach you all that I can about bringing your own ministry and publishing dreams to life!

If you’re interested in learning more about the program, go to www.shannonethridge.com/blast for an informational brochure and application packet. Also, feel free to share this posting with your like-minded friends who’d be interested as well. There is an ONLINE version of the program, so no matter where you live, you can have a BLAST with us!

And NOW, we’re making it even easier to have a B.L.A.S.T. with us!

How? Two ways:

1) In today’s trying economy, many have asked if a PAYMENT PLAN is possible. It is now! For approved applicants, we’ll charge your credit card monthly beginning in September rather than require complete payment at the beginning of the program.

2) As an added incentive, we’ve decided to offer a 10% EARLY BIRD DISCOUNT to applicants who have their materials postmarked by May 15^th — a savings of $150 you’ll want to take advantage of, so download the information packet and get started on your application soon!

May all your writing & speaking dreams come true,

Shannon

Honestly, if one more woman tells me that she has read one of my books, yet STILL “wandered” into a co-ed chatroom… where she “just happened to meet this guy”… and they “started connecting more and more”… and now she can’t get him out of her mind… and she’s thinking of leaving her husband… I’M SWEAR I’M GOING TO SCREAM!  NO, better yet, I’m going to give HER a big ol’ spiritual spanking!  In fact, let me just give you one right now as preventative medicine.  Go to this link, and read this article:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/02/18/social.networks/

Think about it.  If your husband said, “Gee, honey, I don’t know how it happened, but I wandered into this hotel room… and there was this girl there… and some stuff just started happening…  You’d be furious, right?  Bewildered?  Betrayed?  Of course you would.

And men who are hard at work earning a living for his wife and family only to find out that she’s been spending her free time dabbling in some internet chatroom with some smooth talking Joe Schmoe who supposedly understands her and treats her so much better than he does, well, he has every right to feel furious, bewildered, and betrayed too.

You may say, “But we were only talking!  That’s not as bad as getting physical.”  Don’t kid yourself.  A woman is most aroused by what she HEARS, and when he whispers those sweet nothings in cyberspace, a girl usually goes weak in the knees.  You’re no exception to that physiological rule, girlfriend.

So Ladies, please don’t stick your head in the lion’s mouth and then pray, “Oh Lord, save me from the lions!!!”  How about just not going into the lion’s den altogether?  Keep your cyber interactions very public, and never wander off into any type of one-on-one communication with even the tamest of “lions.”  Instead, meditate on Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART, for it is the wellspring of life!”

Wishing you a guarded heart and emotional faithfulness in your marriage,

Shannon