Comments on: Boundaries in Friendships

By: gloria

gloria — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:26:19 +0000

I am deeply touch with your testimony and i relate the same feeling with you.I ask God why should i have to encounter this kind of testing and trials though i often say that i love my husband..the vow i made is not for him but for the Lord and His eyes upon me.My situation here is so difficult as they said,I am apart with my husband for more than 2 years now.The workplace where I am now,shaken my being Christian,how to handle the emotion,the peer,the morality around me which I am not also judging them.Being alone,was a break through to be near with my creator the author and finisher of faith,Praise God that i met one of the missionaries who gave me the book,Every Womans Battle,as i keep reading on this,the attraction to temptation was so strong,but thanks be to God He is greater than everything I encounter,to quote ” Temptation cant hold me”.As friends comes along they just say..how do you smile and remain loyal to your husband?
With my pastors,missionary bestfriends,and through your ministries,I believe Gods grace,I can stand against all odds..in all forms of temptations!TO GOD BE THE GLORY

By: Shannon Ethridge

Shannon Ethridge — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 17:39:30 +0000

Emily -
I’m so pleased to see how open you are being about this situation and how eager you are to understand it at it’s deepest levels so that you can avoid venturing down the same destructive path in the future. Indeed, being vulnerable with others through writing, counseling, and just talking things through with others is so therapeutic, and I’m glad you’ve discovered that. I pray that reading Every Woman’s Battle would be a HUGE eye-opener for you and that you’ll be ever-so encouraged to pursue GOD’s plan for your genuine sexual and emotional fulfillment!

Shannon

By: Emily

Emily — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 04:04:27 +0000

I must share that my husband and I went through an extremely difficult time in our marriage because of an affair. Though my choices were not pleasing to God and hurtful (more than hurtful) to my husband and family, I have to say that I learned a lot and our marriage has grown as a result. After I ended the affair, my husband and I immediately started going to a Christian marriage counselor, which was SOOOOO important for us. I firmly believe that without her counsel, we would not be married today. She helped bring things into the light for me… putting the facts out there about truth of adultery; uncovering the lies that the enemy had me believing. For some reason, I trusted her even more than my own feelings. I knew that she was right and that if I went down the wrong path (i.e. leaving my husband for another man) that God would not bless that relationship/marriage and that it would ultimately end in destruction. Only by the grace of God, our marriage was restored and since then we have learned to love each other better, meet emotional/physical needs, and protect our marriage from that vulnerable state that leads to affairs. To God’s glory, we have even started a Bible study/small group for young married couples in our church and recently helped another couple through a similar situation that we experienced (2 Corinthians Ch 1- God comforts us that we in turn can comfort others).

One would think that after all I have been through and the potential path of destruction that I was saved from, that my marriage would be forever affair-proof. Wrong. I am learning in the past few months that the enemy is out to kill, steal, and destroy, walking about like a roaring lion seeing whom he may devour…and for me, the area he is using is sexual sin- attraction towards men who are not my husband. I’ve come to terms with the fact that this is a true weakness of mine. A thorn in my side. My struggle. It is so hard to ignore a “good” feeling that you get from the attention of a man who thinks you are GREAT. On my own, I can’t turn away from that feeling and resist the temptation to entertain it. But God has said that He is strong in my weakness. Even writing this post is helping me to allow God into this secret area of my life to take control and help me in my weakness.

I have shared my struggle with a friend (great to get it out in the open- keeping this a secret can prove fatal) and now have some accountability. I have found this website/blog and will be buying the book “Every womans Battle” on Friday. I am looking forward to reading it. One thing I hope to learn from the book, or through this process, is “Why?”. What defeciency, experience, etc. makes me so vulnerable for this? Why do I crave this kind of attention and this “good” feeling?

If you are reading this and have a moment to lift me up before the Father, please do. I need God desperately in this area of my life.

By: April

April — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 21:27:54 +0000

Yes, I have stumbled into an inappropriate relationship with a married man. I knew to say no, but said yes. I remember the very first red light that screamed STOP, but I ignored the holy spirit’s warning and my racing heartbeat. The very first sign was when he told me that him and his wife were sleeping in sepearte bedrooms and he needed someone to talk to. I suggested him talk to a counselor or male friend. Then the compliments started and even more talk about his marriage troubles. I felt the holy spirit telling me to run in the opposite direction, but I felt the “need” to be his holy spirit. I felt as if I was the only one who could help him. So, it began… I counseled and consoled, and received compliments, gave compliments in return and all of this sparked deep feelings within my soul for more. I know now why God was telling me to run. I had emotional needs that had been dormant in my marriage and this guy had awakened a passion, and filled me emotionally. I enjoyed it so much that I didn’t think about how much it was actually hurting me. Long story short- I confessed to God and then husband. Then began to have withdrawal symptoms as a drug addict would. I talked to the other man a couple more times and the whole process of healing had to start over again. Wow, what a huge lesson I learned by not listening, not obeying the holy spirit.

It would’ve saved me so much pain, heartache, frustration, guilt, etc… if I had listened to the holy spirit, guarded my heart, pretended that my husband was able to hear the conversation, so many things. I really believe that the closer you stay to the Lord, then all other things are lesser. I was not having my daily time with the Lord.

By: Shannon Ethridge

Shannon Ethridge — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 20:57:06 +0000

Thanks for your great comments, Lindy! I appreciate the kind words of affirmation, girlfriend! It’s like music to an author’s ears to hear from someone who totally GETS where I’m coming from!

Shannon Ethridge

By: Lindy

Lindy — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 05:47:53 +0000

I agree. I think women and men need to recognize the need for boundaries. I remember reading “Every Women’s Battle” and thinking “hey a lot of this is commonsense” yet I know a lot of friends who have no clue!!! I think public business meetings are ok. One rule I have is to try to always bring up my husband in conversation. It’s an easy way of letting guys know I’m taken. (I got married when I was 20 and a lot of guys at my university don’t even think to check for a ring!!!) BTW I love that you have quoted Rabbi Shmuley. I read “Kosher Sex” and “Kosher Adultery” and loved them! That was until I found SCW a week ago and TORE THROUGH IT! I was flipping pages like mad!!! Finally a Christain sex book that isn’t full of lame euphamises and other bull! As a teen I read the LeHay’s “The Act of Marriage”- UCK! I think I am still messed up from that- I wished I had had your book. It’s the confidence boost women have been dying for! God bless!

By: Jennifer Shealey

Jennifer Shealey — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 06:00:45 +0000

Shannon you are a breathe of fresh air! I love your insight. I look forward to learning more from you. I am so thankful God brought you in my life. Love you!!!

By: John Hernandez

John Hernandez — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 06:00:06 +0000

Shannon,
As always, you are spot on! Looking at it from the male side of the situation, we –too– must be equally as cautious. And you’re right about the online aspect! It can get way too deep way too easily if one is not on guard. We all enjoy getting attention, and sometimes it seems like the attention we get online is fun, easy, and safe when –actually– it can be just as dangerous as a “real life” friendship with an inapporpriate person.

By: Angela

Angela — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 05:57:37 +0000

Good word, Shannon! Whether married or single we need to guard our friends’ marriages and pray for them!

By: Natalia

Natalia — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 00:41:57 +0000

I have read your book “Every Woman’s battle” and that truly spoke to me as I had just ended a very close “friendship” with someone that was not my husband. I really wish now that I had headed so many of those warnings but some things we sometimes have to experience ourselves.
I defenitley fell into the trap of lying to myself into just believing that we were only friends.
My husband and I have slowly worked through that experience after he read some inappropriate emails but it has been a difficult road that has taken us through some dark days in our marriage.
Thanks for speaking for women that struggle with setting boundries in their life.