SexuallyConfidentWife.com Official Blog

We’re finally home from our one-month speaking tour in the Land Down Under, and the past 48 hours have been a whirlwind of unpacking suitcases, laundry, getting kids in school, returning phone calls and emails, opening a month’s worth of mail, and trying to get back in THIS time zone. (I’m writing this at 4 a.m., which means I haven’t been successful on this last item.)

I’m finding it interesting that I’ve just proven one of the theories I present in The Sexually Confident Wife — that the less you have sex, the less you want to have sex & the more you have sex, the more you want it. As you can imagine, over the past 4-5 weeks with this huge family trip, our opportunties for lengthy passionate sexual encounters have been rare. Sometimes it was because we were so busy getting ducks in a row for the next day’s speaking engagement. Sometimes it was because we were traveling in a small RV with two children less than three feet from our bed. Sometimes it was because we were simply exhausted from the day’s activities. I whispered in my husband’s ear on the plane, “I can’t wait to get you home and in bed!”

However, once we finally walked in the door, my “desire radar” read absolutely zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I couldn’t understand it (and neither could he). Then I remembered that theory and realized — rather than allowing myself to “hit the wall,” I needed to intentionally “scale the wall” instead. And yep, the theory proves true. Once we make an intentional effort to scale that wall of personal resistance, we indeed find EUPHORIA on the other side!

Do you find this to be true for you as well? If so, give us some pointers on how you get back on the right track in your sexual relationship!

Now I hear my husband moving around upstairs. Obviously his body clock hasn’t adjusted yet either. I’m going to go climb that wall again!
Shannon

No postcard could ever do it justice. The movies filmed here (The Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia, & Braveheart, just to name a few) don’t do it justice, either. New Zealand has absolutely the most captivating landscape on the planet! It’s been a phenomenal vacation so far…

On Monday we flew from Australia into the beautiful city of Christchurch, and on Tuesday picked up our RV rental (or “campervan” as they are called here) to begin our 6-day tour of both the north and south islands. On Wednesday, we survived a death-defying high-speed jetboat ride through the Shotover River, narrowly dodging canyon walls and huge boulders along the way. In Queenstown, we rode a gondola to the top of a mountain for a fun luge ride and snowball fights. Arriving at the top, we literally had the air stolen right out of our lungs by the breath-taking panoramic views of Lake Wakatipu with snow-covered mountains in the background reflecting off the waters like they were staring into a gigantic mirror. On Thursday, we went paddleboating on stunning Lake Wanaka, then hiked through the most enchanted-looking forests imaginable. But the highlight of our trip has been the amazing waterfalls we’ve witnessed pouring down from mountainside cliffs into some of the bluest pools we’ve ever seen. As I stare at each of these mesmerizing waterfalls, I can’t help but contemplate the magnificent forces of nature that create such a sight. What was once tons of snow and ice atop a mountain melts and becomes a raging torrent of cascading falls.

This reminds me of how similar the forces of human nature are. Sometimes my heart grows bitterly cold toward my husband for some ridiculously petty reason. He didn’t take out the trash like I asked… he forgot to get the oil changed in my car… he committed to playing in a basketball tournament the same weekend as my dear friend’s wedding. I can choose to be bitter, or I can choose a better response. I can put on my big girl panties and forgive him for being as human as I am. When I make a concerted effort to warm up to him in spite of his flaws, I notice my heart begins to thaw out quickly. As I continue to remain soft toward him, my emotional floodgates can soon burst wide open, creating a powerful force that fills me (and him) to overflowing. And that overflowing feeling is exactly what sends my sexual confidence through the roof! When Greg feels loved and affirmed by me, there’s no way he’s not going to feel sexually attracted to me.

What about you? Does unforgiveness often keep you from experiencing warm, fuzzy feelings toward your husband? Has your bedroom become a frozen tundra of bitterness? If so, don’t waste another minute stressing over who is right and who is wrong. A frozen heart isn’t nearly as fulfilling as a forgiving heart. Make the choice to let your heart thaw out today, open the emotional floodgates, and create a waterfall of positive ripple effects!

More when we return to the good old U.S.A. in a few days,

Shannon

August 17, 2008 — It’s our last day here in Australia, and we’ve been reflecting on this amazing experience our family has had over the past 16 days. We’ve patted wombats, kangaroos and koala bears at the Australian Zoo (home of Steve Irwin, the dearly departed Crocodile Hunter). We went scuba diving off the Gold Coast (and froze our pattuties off) and have collected seashells of various shapes and sizes. We’ve sampled the traditional fare, including a Vegemite sandwich (an acquired taste if there ever was one). And today we’re packing up all of these precious memories, along with 7 suitcases full of fresh laundry and souvenirs, and getting ready to fly on to New Zealand in the morning.

But even better than the things we’re bringing back home with us are the things we’re leaving behind here in the Land Down Under — tons of books, as well as lots and lots of SEEDS! Over the past 2+ weeks, we’ve sown seeds of healthy sexuality and spirituality into 15 lively and incredibly receptive audiences…

· Junior high, senior high, and university students have gotten big doses of preventative medicine to help them say “no” to premarital sex, but “yes” to healthy relationships.

· Single women have been encouraged to look to God to meet their emotional needs rather than looking for love in all the wrong places, and to focus on becoming Mrs. Right rather than searching so hard for Mr. Right to complete them.

· Married women have been better equipped to instill sexual values in their children, as well as keep the home fires burning, connecting with their husbands mind, body, heart, and spirit so that extramarital temptation doesn’t creep in and destroy their family and self-esteem.

· Churches and schools have been challenged to continue boldly addressing the topic of sexual integrity and sexual intimacy in marriage so that there is a reliable voice of reason in this sexually unreasonable world we live in.

We’re so very thankful for these seed-sowing opportunities we’ve had in the Sydney, Brisbane, and Gold Coast areas. We’ll continue to cherish the memories we’ve made, and the dear friendships that have been cultivated along the way. I get the strong feeling that although this was our first speaking tour through Australia, it definitely won’t be the last. The spiritual soil is too rich here in the Land Down Under not to keep sowing seeds of healthy sexuality & spirituality whenever possible.

We’re off to New Zealand — please pray for travel safety and that a major heat wave would melt the blizzard that hit Queenstown yesterday!

Shannon, Greg, Erin & Matthew

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We’re enjoying our 10^th day here in Australia, and the two main things we’ve loved most is our times of ministry with the hundreds of wonderful women I’ve spoken to so far in the Sydney area, and the times of frolicking on the beautiful beaches as a family.

One particular day we came across a wedding party while walking on the beach. The bridesmaids had their dress hems lifted high and were making an elaborate design in the sand with their bare feet by walking around in a huge spiral. The following day I was walking past the same area and looking for evidence of their sand art, but it had been erased by the high tide. No traces of it remained — only memories.

At that point, I wished every woman who’d confided in me that they’re still struggling with their sexual past (there’ve been dozens) could be there with me – women like Felicity who’s had four abortions… Rachel who’s had more sexual partners than she can recall… Margaret who wasted eight precious years in an affair with a married man. (Names have been changed to protect identities.) Oh, if I had a dime for every woman in the world with a past sexual regret, I’d be a very wealthy woman!

Why did I want to gather these women on that beach? For an object lesson: Whatever we’ve done in the past, it’s been washed away! The tides of time and God’s forgiveness have erased our past, so why do we pretend it’s still following us around like a big wad of bubble gum stuck to our shoe?

If you’re still living in your promiscuous past, know that it’s GONE, girlfriend! Don’t let memories of your sexual past haunt you like a ghost. Don’t let yesterday’s pain rob you of today’s pleasure!

Your past can not only be erased, it can also be embraced! Simply let those past memories serve as spiritual markers of how far you’ve come in your journey toward sexual integrity, and celebrate your progress. Discern what you can learn from those past mistakes, then let those lessons serve you well as you seek to become the sexually confident wife that you deserve to be!

More from the Gold Coast soon,

Shannon

Okay, I feel like the luckiest woman on the planet. A few days ago, we had a brief layover in L.A. and got to frolic a few hours in the Pacific Ocean. This morning (Monday here in Australia) we took a family walk along the beach overlooking the Pacific Ocean from the OTHER DIRECTION from just a few days ago. I can’t believe I get to call this “work.” Traveling to far off places, meeting interesting people, and getting to talk about my passion for sexual integrity and sexual intimacy within marriage. Gee, it’s a tough life, but I guess someone’s got to do it. May as well be me!

Seriously, the groups I’ve spoken to so far (one group of high school girls, and one group of high school girls and guys mixed together) have been incredibly receptive to the message. They’ve laughed when they are supposed to, and paid close attention, and asked great questions.

I’ve also asked a lot of questions about the culture here. What I’ve learned is that Australian teens face the exact same pressures as American teens, but the whole “True Love Waits” movement hasn’t changed much of the sexual patterns here, and with a legal drinking age of 18, alcohol plays a HUGE role in their sexual choices. The seriousness with which they approach me afterward to ask personal questions seems to announce, “Thank God that someone is finally talking straight to us about all this stuff!” Many have been very vocal with their praises, and I’m blessed to meet so many who’ve already read Every Young Woman’s Battle (it’s my Australian book distributor’s #1 best-selling book — how cool!).

I’m just so grateful that I get to do all this for a living. I’m so grateful for what God has done in my life and the testimony He has given me that He CAN take the sexual lemons we’ve picked for ourselves and turn them into lemonade that can bless others.

More from the Land Down Under in a few more days,

-Shannon